He had kissed her and yet it had meant nothing. Of course, she had longed for it and dreamed about it all that time. They had been close to kissing in so many occasions that she couldn't help but think about it. And yet, it had not happened when it could have been right, when it would have made a difference, the beginning of something.
Painfully obvious, that way of kissing had been way far from the sweet and romantic scene she had imagined, where he should have confessed his full and unrelenting feelings for the love of his childhood.
Their first kiss... her first kiss had allegedly been an accident; their second kiss a revengeful claim of his ownership; their third kiss a boastful assertion of his manhood... and that was it. That was the end of everything. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't understand it. She had been rethinking about every single moment of that day, watching every single scene hundreds of times in her mind as if she were rewinding a movie, searching for hints that might throw lights on the chain of events taking them to that end, and still she couldn't understand.
When thinking about it, she got convinced that their first kiss wasn't any accident at all: he had not hit her cheek or nose, nor the corner of her mouth by chance, and he had not apologized as one would do right away in such a case. When his lips had touched hers, she had clearly felt a willful pressure. When he had reached her, after chasing her all the way along the school corridor, she had the feeling that he wanted to prove Touma was wrong, that their kiss did mean something and he was restating it. Then, the third time, it seemed as if he wanted to test her, see what her limits would be, if she had stayed with him no matter what he had done or said, because he wanted to, because he cared. And that kiss was sweet and demanding as well. Would it have been any different if she had not asked for his reasons? If she had not mentioned Narumi? Would he have confessed his love? She couldn't tell...
But then, letting her go without stopping her, after admitting that he had kissed her while being with another girl he didn't even like, made her doubt about everything, question all the time they had needed to get so close, so familiar with each other again. Had she imagined all the steps they had taken into building a new relationship, his furtive glances, his jealous bickering, his hugs and the tears shed? He was not her Kou! Did she really know him? Who was that stranger who had never missed every single occasion to hurt her: one moment she was in heaven and the next in hell. It had been like that with Kou since his return in her life. He would rescue her just to throw her in deeper despair.
The ultimate humiliation was that embrace: she could still feel the warmth of his lips on hers while he was there hugging her rival, the girl he pretended not to like, looking emotionless right into her eyes. How did he dare? Was he apologizing to Narumi or reassuring her about his choice?
She wanted to yell at him: " Kou, what are you doing? Don't you know I have been waiting for you for all these years? I have loved you for all these years. Please, Kou, please tell her that you feel the same way about me, that you want to be with me, that you cannot be by her side because we are meant to be together, we cannot separate now after searching for each other for so long.
She wanted to scream: "Do you understand what you are doing, Kou? The stars won't give us another chance. It won't be pouring again".
But she couldn't. She couldn't utter a sound. She couldn't even breathe. If Touma hadn't led her away, she would have remained there motionless waiting for rain in a drought.