CHAPTER ONE
April 2011. Los Angeles, California. Stark Industries.
Maggie Sousa was not a typical SHIELD agent.
Yes, she had been an agent, of sorts, but it had always been a loosely defined term, considering what she usually did for the top secret government agency. She had never been an excelling agent, like Coulson. She was not brilliant with a bow and her own fists like Barton. Nor was she as experienced like Romanoff. She was not even remotely as intimidating as Agent Hill, and she complete pants compared to her cousin Sharon. And lastly, she was most definitely not a strong-willed, brazen woman like her Nana, for whom she had been named.
It was rare to see her out of a counseling session or interrogation room. More often than not, she was in between SHIELD central in New York and the Helicarrier. It was once in a blue moon that she was requested in the field, but when she was, it was universally understood that the information would pique her interest. She was a decent enough agent, all things considered, but she was inexplicably incapable of separating herself from herself from her emotions under pressure, or during moments of high stress. It made her the exact opposite of her cousin Sharon, who strived to be the best, emotionally-detached agent in the organization.
To be honest, Maggie preferred to think that she was Nana's favorite, mostly due to the fact that she was Nana's only living grandchild, but also due to the fact that she had not pursued SHIELD, nor the military as a career choice, like everyone else in the Carter family. She had attended university, with the desire of non-government work after she graduated. In reality, SHIELD had come to her, and it had been extremely hilarious to Nana Peggy to see Director Fury's reaction as Maggie turned him down, immediately. It wasn't until Agent Coulson appeared on her grandmother's doorstep, that Maggie even considered SHIELD as an option. Coulson managed to persuade her to give the idea a minute amount of thought, before she politely told him her answer. No. When Coulson had taken a liking to Maggie's tenacity and determination, the man had dug his heels in and refused to give up until the socially awkward intellectual accepted the offer to join SHIELD. They offered to pay during her internship, and with a starting salary over 30,000 per year, who was she to say no? She signed a contract for 7 years, and even took up running, despite absolutely hating exercise.
At the ripe old age of 28, Maggie graduated from Yale with several degrees of higher education on her resume. She had just started filling into her narrow build, losing the social awkwardness of spending a decade studying. Maggie had never put effort into her appearance until after joining SHIELD. Well, after Nana had made her aware that no one would take her seriously if she continued to dress in sweatpants and old shirts.
So, on the day that she answered Fury's knock in a vintage Ramone's t-shirt and green sweats, hair unbrushed and simply pulled into the sloppiest ponytail the intimidating man had most likely ever seen, along with pushing the typical accessory for nerds up the length of her nose, it was very apparent that she was not what he had envisioned. All in all, she had been the polar opposite of what the Director had expected, considering she had been raised by the legendary Peggy Carter for most of her life. It had been fairly hilarious to see his reaction, if not slightly terrifying.
She still wore the black framed, rectangle glasses that were too wide for her face, to this day, just to remind Fury of his disappointment.
Of course, that had been close to seven years ago, and her contract was almost up.
"I have an itinerary for the meeting in D.C., Ms. Potts, and your lunch," said Maggie, entering the CEO's office in her usual chipper demeanor. Putting the carry-out and leatherbound folder on Pepper's desk as she continued to prattle on, "Your flight leaves in two hours, and Mr. Hogan is waiting outside with your bags. Is there anything else you need me to take care of before your departure?"
Pepper looked up from the computer screen with an apologetic look, "Yes, I have one more thing to ask of you, Maggie. Colonel Rhodes will be accompanying me to D.C., so you should have a pretty easy week here. If you could just work with Happy and keep an eye on Mr. Stark while I'm gone? Tony tends to cause trouble if he's left unsupervised for more than a day. And, please, if it's not too much to ask, speak with Happy about the badges. People are starting to complain."
"Whatever you need, Ms. Potts," replied Maggie, her faint British accent adding a delightful lilt to her cheerfulness. "I will persuade Mr. Hogan to relax in regards to the changes to security, and I'm certain Mr. Hogan and I can keep Mr. Stark out of the gossip pages for a week. Is that all?"
"Yes, that's all for now. Thank you, Maggie," smiled Pepper, grabbing her lunch and folder as she stood from the desk. "I appreciate your dedication."
"Think nothing of it," Maggie replied kindly, following her employer out of the office. "I am positive that everything will go swimmingly."
She hadn't meant it as a joke, but Pepper laughed anyway, too familiar with the ways of Tony Stark.
As they left the office, Maggie fell a step behind Pepper, and in step with Happy as he followed suit. Walking side by side, Maggie chanced a glance at Happy, offering him a small, simple greeting. They were going on four months working together, and three months of perfecting the facade of a professional and platonic working relationship, mainly to keep the gossiping cows in Human Resources from calling it an office romance and shoving paperwork at them. It wasn't as if they were together, more that they both found mutual enjoyment from spending time off the clock together, the same as when Maggie spent rare nights out with Pepper.
Regarding their off-hours activities, Happy seemed very gentlemanly, and Maggie was enjoying his companionship, as a male friend not of SHIELD. Happy had introduced her to the wonder of American sports, even though she had been raised in the States. She very much liked watching baseball, and boxing, which seemed to make the man very happy. In return, she had begun introducing him to the wonder of British television. He had found Doctor Who fun to watch, but not as as interesting as Downton Abbey, which wasn't actually a BBC aired show. He was actually obsessed with Downton Abbey, which amazed Maggie. There was something about the elegance and the dynamic of relationships from that era that pulled him in. It was interesting to observe him become so engrossed in the show, that she had found herself watching him, more than watching the telly.
She very much liked Happy. He was enjoyable company, a wonderful friend, and delightful to be around. And he seemed to enjoy having someone who bantered and bickered with him so easily without taking offense to anything that was said. She didn't mind the way he protected her when they watched games in his favorite pub, always stepping in between her and any possible suitors, acting the part of a significant other, but really giving her the opportunity to send the stranger away, or asking him to stay. She always sent the suitors away, preferring to listen to Happy explain the rules of whatever sport they were watching.
After everything she had been through, it was wonderful to have a friend and a personal life outside of SHIELD.
While Happy drove them to the Stark Industries private hangar, Maggie studied her company issued tablet, going over the move from Los Angeles to Stark Tower in New York with Pepper. She had to adjust her glasses and squint at the screen, the text in the documents doubling here and there before the words began blurring together. A shake of the head, a blink, clenching her eyes tight and trying again and again until the disturbance corrected itself, the text coming into clear focus once more.
The strain of constantly refocusing gave her a headache, or the headache caused her to strain to refocus, either way, it started on the left side of her head and rippled through until it was a slight pressure enveloping her entire brain. It wasn't very often that she experienced them, but they were beginning to come and go more frequently. Still, as long as they were not bad, she popped a couple of ibuprofen and they resolved over time. She was chalking it up to day-today stressors, since working for Pepper required constant interaction interaction with Tony Stark - who had only grown more arrogant and eccentric since they were children. It was also stressful dealing with the management of the company move of Stark Industries to Stark Tower.
There was also the worry of speaking to Pepper regarding Maggie's living arrangements. According to Mr. Stark, Maggie was banned from living in the Tower, which was fine by her, but Pepper had been standing firm that she wanted Maggie close at hand and very comfortable. As it were, Maggie refused to broach the subject while Pepper and Tony were bickering about it. She had the Brooklyn apartment Nana Peggy had given to her, and the commute to Midtown wasn't too horrible. Besides, Maggie was secretly hoping to keep her in Los Angeles. She much preferred avoiding all the baggage that came with being so close to SHIELD headquarters, and on top of that, Maggie and Tony had never really gotten along on the few occasions they had been forced to spend time together as children. She was certain it was due to a resentment he had placed on her, which stemmed from the lack of paternal affection.
The plane was ready to go, and Colonel Rhodes was already waiting for Pepper when they arrived. Happy helped transfer Pepper's luggage to the cargo hold, and stood next to Maggie as they both bid Pepper and the Colonel a safe flight. There were always last minute worries from Pepper that were soothed immediately, while Maggie urged her boss onto the plane.
When the stairs were rolled away, the door shut and sealed tight, she turned with Happy and walked back to the car. With the propellers creating a strong wind, Maggie was grateful she chose to pull her hair back into a ponytail that morning, and that she remembered her prescription sunglasses, because it was far too bright and sunny for an overcast prediction from the weatherwoman the day before. She was also admonishing herself for wearing a flimsy dress, instead of trousers, now that she was attempting to keep the skirt of it down as she walked back to the car. She did not want Happy and everyone else standing around, knowing that she was wearing Star Wars knickers. Even the thought was incredibly embarrassing.
She could feel Happy staring at her backside while she struggled with the skirt of her dress as she got into the car. The wand caught the breezy material as she went to sit down, sending it up past her waist before she could catch it in time. Her cheeks were burning red as she sat in the front seat, snapping the seatbelt in place. They watched the plane take off in silence, while Happy struggled to keep his face from breaking out in a grin.
When the plane was in the sky, he shifted the car into reverse, imitating Yoda, "Nice panties, those you wear."
"That is a horrible impression," she replied, her blush turning a deeper red as he chuckled at his own joke. "And I'll punch you in the bollocks if you say another word about my knickers."
"I just said they were nice, Maggie," Happy snickered, speeding off towards the highway. "I don't know why you're embarrassed, they look good on you. They're nice panties. I'm curious to know how many you have like that. Do you have a whole collection, or just the one pair?"
"Happy?" she asked, fighting a laugh of her own.
"Yeah?"
"Stop talking about my knickers," she snorted, unable to contain the giggles. She spoke again when they both stopped laughing, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," he said, veering off onto a ramp.
Biting her lip, she looked over at him, and considered the ramifications of asking her question. She thought long and hard, had been for weeks, and recognized the he was driving, and that it could be a personal question that he most likely wouldn't appreciate at this time. Technically, she asked him personal questions all the time, but she had always avoided topics that related to his feelings for anyone specific, mostly due to the fact that a large part of her was terrified to know the answer.
This wasn't how she usually went about things. At SHIELD, she had an office, and then she had her work space; a room with a couch and overstuffed chairs, decorated and painted in subtle, neutral tones that allowed agents to feel at ease. Sometimes she met with agents outside of headquarters, in places they felt more comfortable. She made friends with them, in a way, and allowed the time to feel completely relaxed in her presence, waiting for them to start a dialogue. It helped bridge a connection, a sense of security where nothing they shared would be considered a weakness, or an admission of fear or anger. No judgement, no questions; therapy was done on the patient's terms. And if they requested to keep certain things off the record, she was more than happy to oblige, because that was her job. It wasn't the job she imagined when she had graduated university for the last time, but with SHIELD paying off her student loans and footing her for an internship and residency, she couldn't have said no. Of course, that was beside the point.
It wasn't as if she were pining over anyone, more that she desperately wanted to know, yet not know at the same time. Happy and she had grown close, and there was no doubt that feelings would blossom, but she had begun wondering what it would be held by him, to kiss him. She wasn't completely naive. Maggie had experienced first dates and awkward kisses, had even had her heart broken once. It was just that Happy had taken her completely by surprise, having expected to shadow Pepper for a few months to run out the end of her contract with SHIELD, and then start her own practice, maybe work for a hospital.
But what would Happy's lips feel like on hers?
"You're too quiet," said Happy, jerking her out of her own thoughts. "You okay? You were gonna ask me something?"
Well, it was now or never.
She hid behind a nervous smile, and trudged forth, "Yes, of course. I was just wondering if you would like to come over for dinner tonight? We could watch the game, maybe?"
She could see he was enticed. Happy loved so many different sports, and there were always games on. If she was remembering correctly, the Lakers were playing that night. There was no way Happy would miss the Lakers. Or the New York Knicks. Oh, she could pat herself on the back for remembering those names.
"I thought you were taking first shift with Tony?" Happy asked, avoiding giving her an answer, which frustrated her beyond imagine.
Think fast, Mags. Think fast. Salvage the situation, as Nana would say.
"Well, now that you mention it. I was hoping you wouldn't mind coming along after dinner? I don't think he's finished licking his wounds from the last time Pepper asked me to drop in on him, and I believe it would be nice for you men to spend some time together. It's been over a month since you two have talked at length. It would be really good for you both -"
"Why the sudden interest in me and Tony?" asked Happy, working himself up for some banter and bickering already. He was a few moments away from talking at lightspeed, which she enjoyed. Sometimes she wondered if she was one of the very few people who could understand him when he did it. And he only did it to win an argument. He even held up a finger to make points, which she always tried to stop before he began, but it never worked that way.
"Firstly - No, no, listen. Listen. Firstly, you just have to give the guy a chance - you did drag him out of his lab by the ear. Secondly - Secondly! Why accuse me of avoiding him? I haven't been avoiding him. I've just been busy, you know, with work and driving you and Pepper around, and catching games with you. He's got a lot goin' on, and I don't see why you think I'm avoiding him - far from it. Like I said, I've just been busy-"
"Of course, you've been busy, but you won't even answer when he rings," Maggie cut in, laughing out of exasperation, and possibly frustration. How had this conversation derailed so quickly? Her head gave another unpleasant throb. "I never meant to imply...I'm just…"
"Just what?"
"I don't think…"
"What? Don't think what?"
"I don't want to go alone!" said Maggie, looking out the window at the passing shoreline. "I want you to come with me, if it isn't too much of a bother!"
"After dinner?"
"After dinner, yes," Maggie repeated, blushing and refusing to look at him. "If dinner isn't too presumptuous."
"You mean taking dinner to Tony? You hate cooking for him," Happy said, changing lanes. "He always complains about your taste in food. Why not pick up pizza?"
"No, I meant," Maggie sighed, covering the burning in her cheeks and shaking her head. "I meant, dinner...just you and I...Oh, this is so bloody embarrassing."
"Oh," is all he said, and then he understood. "Oh! You mean, like a date?"
"No, nevermind," she replied, hiding her face. "I shouldn't have presumed."
"You mean like candles and music, no work or sports talk?"
"Forget it," she huffed, looking out the window with her arms crossed. "It was stupid."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" he exclaimed, flipping on the turn signal as he merged into the left turning lane. The car slowed to a stop as the light turned red. "What do you mean forget about it? You just asked me on a date!"
"I take it back! Please, just forget I said anything."
"No, no, no! We're not sweeping this under the rug -"
"For the love, I wish you would!" snapped Maggie, anxiously tapping her foot against the passenger side door. "Please, forget I said anything. I'll get pizza and check on Tony, by myself!"
He held up his hands and looked at her as if she'd lost her mind, "Why are you yelling at me? You asked me on a date and now you're taking it back! What the hell?"
"This was not how I envisioned this conversation going at all!" She argued, hands flailing emphatically as they both tried to yell over each other, Happy turning left when the light turned green. "I thought that there may have been something - Urgh! I don't want to talk this anymore!"
"Well, we'll have plenty of time to talk about it over dinner tonight," huffed Happy, changing lanes again as they reached the halfway point to Stark Industries. "And on the way to check on Tony."
"No, I changed my mind. I don't want you to accompany me," Maggie snipped at him, refusing to look at anything other than the passing store fronts. "If you want dinner, you have to ask."
"Oh, my God, Maggie! You're driving me crazy!"
"Well, that makes two of us!"
Silence filled the car as Happy turned onto another speedway towards Stark Industries. Maggie was grateful that had to focus more on the road than on her, because she couldn't bear for him to see how upset this had made her, for no reason at all. It wasn't that she was petty. She was more embarrassed than anything else, considering her attempt at asking him on a date had taken him several minutes before he understood her meaning. It was obvious to her that he did not feel the same, and it horrified her to have to even look at him, knowing he would never feel the same. She hated that this had turned into a fight, and it was something that worried her greatly. Would he avoid her? Would he find a way to get her permanently transferred to New York? She had never had a person before, someone that could be trusted and actually listened to what she had to say. It was terrifying to think that it could all be gone now.
With a sigh, as the silence weighed down on her, Maggie stopped biting the tip of her thumb to glance over at him. This was why she had never been a successful field agent. She was too emotionally attached to people when they got close. And the fact that she could never hold a secret under torture. She was too easy to break.
"Bloody hell! I cannot believe you didn't assume I was asking you on a date from the start!" She exclaimed, unable to return the silent treatment. Again, she would make a horrible field agent. She would crack under the threat of the silent treatment. She couldn't stand knowing someone was upset with her, even if she was upset first. "I'm so confused! And you! YOU!"
"What about me!" Happy returned, merging onto another ramp. "I asked you out after your first month, and you put me in the friend zone!"
Well, she never expected that.
"Well….You ignore Tony's calls!"
"Because I'm spending time with you!"
"Well, why would you do that!"
"Why not?!" countered Happy, a touch offended by her reaction. "I like spending time with you! What's wrong with that?!"
"You don't have to spend all your free time with me, Happy!"
"Jesus, you're missing the point, Maggie."
"No, I'm not!"
"You're driving me insane!" Happy yelled, weaving between cars with ease. "You are so infuriating!"
Arms still crossed, foot still tapping against the passenger door, Maggie pouted, replying in a petty, childish manner of which her grandmother would never approve, "You're infuriating."
They were quiet for a really long time as the city of Los Angeles blurred past them. Happy was speeding, but she had spent enough time in Coulson's car as he sped down desert roads, it hardly bothered her. So the fact that Happy floored it a lot of the time didn't even worry her, and she wasn't going to ask him to slow down, mainly because she had no desire to contribute anything more to their dispute. They were both upset with each other, and stuck in a car for another ten minutes, so she would take the time to calm down until they could talk civilly. She said nothing as he turned on the radio. She didn't bother to argue over the station as she usually did, which Happy had become so used to. She even pressed ignore as her cousin called, persistently. She just remained still, silently simmering over the oddity that was them not moving on from an argument.
When he finally pulled into the reserved garage for company cars, they both sat in their respective seats, and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. Maggie watched office workers enter and exit, passing by in front of the car as it sat and idled. It was incredibly uncomfortable, to say the least. She could see his fingers clenching and unclenching on the shifter between them. After another minute, Maggie caught his fingers with a gentle squeeze. She looked straight ahead at the building, while Happy's hand tensed under hers until his fingers relaxed, flexing in her grip. She ran her hand up and down his arm until he caught her fingers and squeezed them in return, thumb rubbing circles over her knuckles in a way that made her shudder in a way that she had never experienced with anyone else. And they stared at each other, all that anger and disappointment fading away.
They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, before Happy released her hand and unlocked the doors. They got out of the car and walked together to the main building in silence, again, until Maggie's phone started ringing for the seventh time. Happy fidgeted with the keys, slowing down despite himself, while Maggie juggled the tablet and her purse until she managed to dig out her mobile.
She answered with an exasperated tone, "Yes, my darling cousin?"
Happy was watching Maggie as she listened to her cousin on the phone, brows furrowed in confusion. She could feel his eyes following the quick procession of foot taps the more irritated she became. And he was listening carefully to how many times she took a sharp breath and rolled her eyes in the thirty seconds it took Sharon to tell her why she had been calling so persistently for the last ten minutes. And then he flinched when she stomped her heeled foot in a huff.
"You have to call ahead, Sharon. You ran over her favorite cat the last time you popped in for a visit. I got her that cat after Grandfather passed," Maggie ground out, becoming increasingly annoyed. "She has Alzheimer's, Sharon, why would ever gift her a firearm?! No, if she doesn't want visitors, then let her be. Well, that's why you call beforehand! There's no knowing when she's lucid! The physicians - No, you listen to me! She is my grandmother! I am the power of attorney,a nd I will not be strong-armed or bullied into doing what you feel is best! The facility in D.C. is the best in the country!No, she is not lucid if she is calling you Dottie!"
Maggie sighed, glancing at Happy before she cut her cousin off again, "Bloody hell, Sharon! I most certainly am not signing over the flat in Brooklyn to you! She's owned it since World War II, and she gave it to me when she moved - Oh! That is such bollocks, and you know it! She does not need to be sedated! Don't you dare, Sharon! Sharon? SHARON!"
The line clicked and then a dial tone blared in her ear. Maggie pushed the glasses up to the top of her head and turned away from Happy to wipe the start of tears from the corners of her eyes. It was embarrassing having people witness her as she cried. She had been raised to never air her dirty laundry in public, and there she'd been, screaming at her cousin through a mobile speaker. And on top of that, it was infuriating that she had the tendency to cry when she was this upset. It was difficult dealing with Sharon in regards to Nana's care. The woman had raised Maggie since she was a baby. It was terrifying to think that her grandmother could very possibly die sooner than she thought, or at all, and Sharon's insistence to take over Nana's care and the estates was just too much for Maggie to handle at this time. And when she was overwhelmed these days, she found she started to get weepy and panicked more easily.
Pulling out a compact mirror from her purse, Maggie checked her eyes and wiped away any evidence of tears. Sliding the wide, black, rectangle frames up her nose, she adjusted them for a moment until they were comfortable and sighed aggravatedly over the conversation with Sharon. It never failed that every single time her cousin called, there would be yelling involved and someone always pulling a gun on someone.
Maggie startled when a large hand squeezed her small shoulder, but relaxed when she recognized Happy's voice, "Wanna talk about it?"
No, she absolutely did not at this moment. She shook her head and turned around with a smile, "Everything is fine."
He gave her a look, "Maggie. It didn't sound fine."
"It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine."
Maggie started walking towards the main building again. Happy followed suit, tapping the badge on his chest to remind the passersby to wear them. Maggie always made sure to wear her badge around her neck, which a few people had taken to doing as well. It wasn't what Happy had in mind, wanting the badges clipped securely on the right side of people's chests. Unfortunately, Maggie usually had arms laden with boxes, documents, tablets and/or propositions, sometimes all four, and it was simply easier to maneuver a badge hanging from her neck. If it dangled in front of the security points long enough, she was granted access, instead of trying to juggle everything to unclip a badge. Happy rode everyone but her about the bloody badges, which she appreciated. Though, he might be afraid to push the subject with her. She could be frighteningly intimidating when it came to how she conducted business as Pepper's executive assistant.
As they reached the doors, Maggie looked at herself in the reflection of Happy's sunglasses and smoothed a few stray hairs that pulled free of her ponytail at the airport. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" asked Maggie, changing the subject.
He nodded, taking off the sunglasses and tucking them inside his suit jacket. She nervously pushed a bit more, "Would you like me to ring you later?"
"No," he said after a beat, holding the door open for her. "No, I think I need some time to figure out what happened today."
Why did it feel like her soul was being crushed?
"Think nothing of it, Mr. Hogan," she replied, cheerful and chipper, sliding back into her attitude of professionalism as they entered the office and eyes followed them. "Thank you for the ride back."
It was his turn to slide into the mask of professionalism, as well, "My pleasure. Have a wonderful day, Ms. Sousa."
She nodded and they went their separate ways.
Maggie waited for the elevator to reach the lobby, watching Happy retreat back to the Security office. She bit her lower lip and fidgeted with her hands, and there was an odd vagueness that twinged inside her chest as she uttered, "You, too, Happy…"
The elevator door dinged and slid open.