Fictional Character Reunion
Disclaimer: We Alaskans feel that J.K Rowling is amazing and special and that she deserves to be commemorated. Of course, we appreciate many other books, movies, and TV shows, so we have included some of them in this story. Weird as it is, we hope you like it.
A/N: Enjoy and Review!
All the fictional characters of the world had gathered for a once in a life time get together. No one knew exactly who had sent out all the invitations; all they knew was to meet at the Three Broomsticks at 7 o'clock on Saturday. Because many of the fictional characters had no idea how to get to the Three Broomsticks, or where in fact it was, they were given a special cap that allowed them to know where to go and to be able to see the pub. So many fictional characters gathered from far and wide to come to the Three Broomsticks, to have a pint and to complain about all the stuff that they were made to do by their creators.
Many of the characters from Harry Potter had gathered around tables near the back of the pub. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lupin and Sirius sat crowded around one table and Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix, Luicus and Draco Malfoy sat coolly around another table in the corner. The two tables of Harry Potter characters eyed each other suspiciously, wondering who or when the first move would be made, if they were to make a move. The invitation had said peace on the bottom, so while they held their wands at the ready, they dared not use them for fear of the inviter smiting them.
Sitting at the bar with one hand grasping a glass of fire whiskey was no one other then Wolverine. He silently cursed Professor Xavier for sending him to this pub full of strangers on a whim of an invitation. With his free hand he flexed his claws nervously, not quite sure if something would happen or not, the invitation had called for peace, so he assumed that there may be people here who were not completely friendly.
Wolverine was right for a foe of his sat not too far behind him in the shadows. Cursing her sender as well was Mystique taking the shape of a villager that she had passed earlier on the street. She calmly took a sip of her drink and eyed everyone that was sitting in the bar. And people considered her a freak, she wouldn't consider some of these characters to be any more normal then she was for instance sitting to her left around a table was two lions, a bird and a monkey. She couldn't believe that they allowed animals in the pub.
Simba sighed as he looked around, what was apparently called a pub. He and Nala had received an urgent message from another messenger bird that they should appear here. So they came and this was what awaited them. It was all very very strange. Only Rafiki seemed comfortable in his surroundings. He was humming slightly and smiled around at everyone good naturedly. The monkey was really strange.
No one was more strange or seemed more at home then a group of Office workers that sat near the door of the pub. Jim rolled his eyes at Pam as more strange characters walked in, the only characters that seemed normal was a group of six individuals that sat around a table near the bar, three women and three men. Jim couldn't believe what was happening, or that Michael had dragged him, Pam and Dwight to this random pub in the middle of nowhere. He had told them that this was going to be a trip for being such good employees, but Jim didn't think that this seemed much of a trip. For starters, it was freezing cold and there was a ton of snow. Some vacation, though he had run into some very interesting characters, like a person dressed up as a pirate, as he had ordered his drink. And it was pretty funny watching Dwight as he eyed all of his favorite characters. And Jim could of sworn that Dwight had fainted when a person dressed as Spiderman walked past their table.
Another group of relatively normal-looking people was huddled in the corner, looking thoroughly oblivious to the oddness surrounding them. Three women and three men sipped from drinks and were laughing and chatting as if this was completely routine. Only the Scranton branch recognized the group as Rachel, Ross, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe from Friends.
There was uneasy murmuring in the pub as everyone talked quietly at their table. No one was quite sure what everyone else was doing here, and no one was really sure if they were safe or if this was a trap or some evil way to get stuck in a time share.
Suddenly the door to the pub slammed open and in walked in a slim figure hidden beneath a dark purple cloak and carrying a golden cane. The figure strode gracefully to the front of the pub where he jumped lightly onto the counter, spun and faced the crowd. All faces turned to stare at the man.
The man lowered his hood, shook out his shoulder-length brown hair, and twirled his cane. His unusually bright green eyes scanned the pub and he smiled. "Welcome to my chocolate factory!"
Hermione Granger raised her hand, and the strange man gestured at her to speak. "This isn't a chocolate factory, sir. This is a pub." She giggled slightly.
"Then welcome to my pub!" He waved his hands grandly, but people (and animals) still stared at him in confusion.
"This isn't your pub, love," called Rosmerta from behind the bar.
Looking put out, the man spoke again, "Ok... Welcome to a pub. It is lovely to meet all of you fictional characters. We're all here to get to know each other better. You see, even though we may seem very different at first—" As he said this, Simba looked at Wolverine. "We really have more in common than you might think. So tonight, let us make merry, get acquainted with each other, and above all, keep it peaceful."
Silence greeted his words as he jumped lightly from his perch and strode to a table where an elf, a ranger, and some strange, small people with hairy feet were all sitting. They scooted their chairs away from him slightly. Ignoring their behavior, the man gave them a cheerful tip of his top hat. "And you must be Legolas!"
Legolas looked up at the man and in a quiet, polite voice said, "Hello. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name, sir."
The man smiled mysteriously. "Now, now, Lego- can I call you Lego? My name isn't what's important here. You're supposed to be mingling!"
Legolas's smile faltered briefly, but before he could answer a swift movement beside him got his attention. Aragon had stood up and had drawn his sword, which he held to the man's throat.
"It would be polite to answer my friend's question. For I'm sure we all," he gestured to everyone sitting around him, "have that same question. Now I'll ask you, what is you name, Sir?"
Raising his cane the man lowered Aragon's sword, "And it is rude to hold a sword to the host's throat, Ranger."
Anger flashed in Aragon's eyes, but he sheathed his sword and sat down.
The man smirked, "Now isn't that better? Now go mingle before I send in my Oompa Loopas to get you all to mingle for me."
No one moved, all were frozen in their seats. Jim gave Pam an exasperated glance, which she returned with a wide eyed smirk. But there were others in the pub that weren't ready to let this man slip away.
Harry Potter, always known for being heroic, stood up and moved swiftly to stop the man before he could walk out of the pub. Drawing his wand, he slammed the door as the man opened it. The Man turned around and stared at Harry as he approached. But before Harry could reach him there was a crackle of laughter in the corner.
"Itty bitty Potter thinks he can stop the Freak who has called us all here. Maybe Potter should grow up and actually take care of this man the proper way," crackled Bellatrix from her table.
Sirius Black, not one to let someone taunt his godson, stood up and turned to the blasted woman, "At least Harry is doing something, I don't see you or your precious Dark Lord doing anything about it."
"How dare you, you filthy blood traitor, talk to the Dark Lord that way!" snapped Bellatrix in a passionate voice.
"Hush Bella," whispered the Dark Lord in a menacing voice. "The invitation asked for peace and for now I wish for that to be respected. He will get his sooner or later."
Bellatrix sat down, but that was all the distraction the man needed before yanking open the door and, with a swish of his purple cloak, he disappeared into the snow, the door slamming ominously shut behind him. Harry gasped as the man had just broken his charm; the door should have remained shut. Harry grabbed the handle and tried to open the door, but to no avail. So he tried "Alohamora," but nothing happened. The door remained firmly shut. And in a monotone voice he said, "It's locked."
Just when they thought it couldn't get any wors,e all the lights went out. The pub filled with a black smoke that blocked out all the lights, making the day seem like night. There was complete silence, until a deep male voice sounded in a distance.
"Oompa Loompa, doompa de do. We've got a special message for you. Oompa Loompa doompa de de if you care to live you'll listen to me. Trouble occurs when weapons are near, but when no one is in danger then there is nothing to fear. Weapons cause nothing but trouble, so what you need to do is give them up on the double. Do not resist for we will use force, so be like the Norse and don't be a horse."
As the voices faded out the smoke dwindled. Many confused faces stared around at each other and then characters begin to take in notice. Jim whispered to Pam, "They really could've tried harder on that last rhyme." She stifled a laugh- most of the other characters were clearly taking the song more seriously.
"My sword," exclaimed Frodo. "They took Sting, they took my sword! What will I do without my sword? How will I know if Orcs are near?"
The exclamation was followed by an uproar of voices as all realized that their weapons, and many of their other belongings, were missing.
"They took my spider ability," stated a dumbstruck Spiderman, flicking his wrist uselessly.
Wolverine tried to flex his claws, but found to his complete surprise that they didn't come out. "Well isn't that just great."
Many found that either their powers were gone, or that their wands or swords were missing. Even members of the Scranton branch had something to complain about.
"They stole my ball point pen," yelled Dwight, "and my credit card!"
"Hey Dwight," said Jim, "Your credit card is in your hand."
"They must have just put it there," exclaimed a very excited Michael.
"No," said Pam softly, "He's had it all this time. Michael you made him get drinks so he used his card and he just never put it back."
Over at the Harry Potter tables, many witches and wizards were, for the first time since before they were eleven, found themselves helplessly without their wands.
"Now how what am I going to do?" cried Ron.
"It's obvious what we have to do," stated Hermione matter-of-factly.
"No, it isn't obvious Miss Know-It-All-Mudblood," drawled Draco "Otherwise we would already be doing it."
"Now Draco," said his Father calmly. "If the Mudblood has an idea, we should at least humor it, if anything for our own enjoyment."
There was a cackle of laughter from the table. Hermione turned a bright red, and the statement made everyone from the nearby table jump to her defense.
"Now listen here," stated Lupin calmly. "If you don't want to be cordial on a regular basis, that's fine. But until we get out of this mess we should all at the very least tolerate each other's presence."
"That's asking a lot," growled Sirius. "I don't think that even I can put up with the smell of that filth."
Hermione took a deep breath and resumed talking, "Thank you Sirius and Professor Lupin for your support, but Sirius is right, it is asking a lot for everyone to put up with each other. I personally never want to help them in anyway and I'm sure they feel the same way about us."
"The Mudblood is finally talking sense," snapped Bellatrix. "But where has that gotten us? Nowhere. Even I'm limited without my wand."
"Bella," hissed the Dark Lord, "You may be limited without your wand, but I'm not."
The Dark Lord stood up gracefully and all eyes turned to him as they watched him move towards the door where he held out his hand and began hissing in a quiet voice. The door turned a bright red, but nothing else happened and when the Dark Lord had finished the door still remained. "What magic is this!"
"Maybe it's the power of love," murmered Harry to Ron and Hermione, who burst out laughing.
The Dark Lord stalked back to his table, where his fellow Death Eaters stared wide-eyed at their fallen leader.
Hermione cleared her throat and stood back up, "Now that everyone has either tried hopelessly to get out or has decided to joke about it I suggest that we listen to my suggestion. According to that obnoxious man, the only way we'll be let out, is if we talk to each other and "mingle". So that's what I suggest we do, if everyone at least talks to three different people, then that should be enough to be considered mingling."
"She's right," said a quiet voice. All eyes turned to look at Pam who had started to speak. "If we all at least talk to three different people that we usually don't talk to, then that should be considered mingling. And by that man's standards we should be let free."
Dwight slammed his fist and stood up, "No deal, I'm not doing what Billy Wankoo asks me to do. I'm not talking to strangers, that's the one thing I learned from my Mother."
"Ah Dwight, you talk to strangers all the time when you make sales calls," stated Jim.
"Jim! That's not helping," yelled Dwight.
"Everyone, listen to me," chipped in Spiderman. "I want to get out of here, now I don't know about the rest of you, but I think that that man, who ever he may be, would force us to stay here for however long it would take to get us all to talk to one another. Now I would like to get out of here sooner rather then later, so let's all start talking."
Complete science greeted his words; no one made an effort to move, or even breathe it seemed.
Finally someone got up and moved, it was Dwight, who walked over to Spiderman and asked, "Since were all stuck here, can I get your autograph?"
Spiderman was silent for a second then said, "Sure- do you have a pen?"
"Damn it!" yelled Dwight. "Those blasted things took my pen!"
"I don't think that that man would consider asking for an autograph as mingling," whispered Jim to Pam.
"Yeah he must have had Dwight in mind when he took everyone's pens."
To everyone's surprise the next person to get up was Bellatrix, who walked up to the bar and ordered a round of Butterbeer for everyone. Which to all who knew her, was very suspicious. She turned to the confused stares and said, "Well we might as well have something to drink while we are stuck here." Almost all the faces in the pub lit up, except for the Harry Potter fans, mainly everyone at Harry's table and Dwight.
As Bellatrix passed out the drinks, people began to get up and mingle. Pam went to talk to Hermione about art and other neat freak girlie stuff. Harry went to talk to Spiderman, whom he felt he had a lot in common with because of the whole saving people thing. And various other members intermingled, though everyone mingled the good guys mingled with the good and the bad guys mingled with the bad.
The villains compared and contrasted different plans that had failed and the good guys discussed all the fights that they had with the villains. Micheal and Dwight thought they would be cool and tried to pass themselves off as superheroes, but failed horribly when asked what their powers were. Pam and Jim were the only ones making normal conversation with people and the members of the Lion King tried to communicate, but failed because no one spoke animal.
All was going well until Lupin didn't return from using the restroom and Sirius noticed his absence.
"Has anyone seen Lupin?" asked Sirius.
Harry was the only one who answered, "I haven't seen Lupin since I started talking to Jim here." Harry looked around for a second then asked, "Where's Bellatrix?!?"
All the villains of Harry Potter were cornered by the "good" guys of Harry Potter. Besides Bellatrix only the Dark Lord was missing, which basically left only Draco and Lucius. The Dark Lord had conveniently left some time earlier to go lay down in one of the upper rooms.
There was a tense silence as no one moved or spoke, but as the situation deepened other people began to notice that others were missing as well.
Jim spoke up, "Unless he's hiding somewhere or something (which is a definite possiblility) I think Michael's gone too."
This of course caught Dwight's attention, who felt he was Michael's bodyguard, "Michael's gone?! Michael!? Michael?!" Dwight ran frantically through the pub, upturning tables and chairs, with and without people on them, before he dropped to his knees, "NOOOO! MICHAEL!"
Pam and Jim exchanged sarcastic looks, both happy at the very least that they were together and not missing.
Chandler, from the Friends group, spoke up for the first time, "Where are Joey and Ross?" All the Friends members looked around, but to no avail. Monica started crying and Rachel hugged her as her eyes too began to water.
Hermione, always the clever one, took action, "Harry, I think we need to check the upstairs rooms, and the restrooms, along with the wine cellar. And I think we should all look in groups, so that we have a better chance...Though it seems hard to believe that all these people would go missing and we only now realized it. Did no one notice that these people were missing earlier?"
No one said anything. Hermione took initiative again, "Okay everyone, let's all split up in groups of twos and threes. Start searching."