Disclaimer: Lost still isn't mine! Story & title inspired by the song "Little James" by Oasis.
Special thanks to everyone who pointed out that Juliet's maiden name was not Burke, but Carlson. I had totally forgotten! You're the best!
It wasn't like they hadn't talked baby names before.
If there was one conversation she remembered clearly during this entire pregnancy, it was that one. Sure, it had ended the same as almost every other attempt at civilized communication they tried lately- with an argument that had him storming out the door for his office, and her sitting at her computer, staring at a data sheet filled with statistics on her patients, willing herself to cry with little success- but that night had been the turning point.
Juliet knew she should be upset, perhaps even devastated, by Jack's behavior. But it was obvious to her, and probably him too, that the love was gone and, moreover, that it had never really been there to begin with. They were two entirely different people, more devoted to their jobs than to the people they were supposed to be with 'til death do they part.' It had been stupid to think that having a baby would fix them. They were both rational people, people of science, who in their combined work experience (not to mention their own lives) had seen more than enough broken families to convince them not to try. And yet, apparently nine months ago they'd both gone straight off the deep edge.
Now she could only pray he wouldn't end up as screwed up as his two parents were.
He couldn't possibly end up as screwed up as the two of them.
Because, when you looked at it, Jack and Juliet were about as screwed up as two ridiculously intelligent people could get. They'd come to that agreement when he finally returned that night, as she was sitting in bed, fiddling with her ponytail, rereading "Carrie" for the ninety-five thousandth time. In the end, they'd settled on the name David Christian. She picked the first, he picked the middle, and they'd hyphenate the last.
David Christian Carlson-Shephard.
They'd also decided on a divorce.
Juliet had been present at dozens of births; seen hundreds of mothers bring their first and fifth child into the world. She knew how painful it could be. How, in the moment, and especially if a mother decided to go through it without drugs (like she so stupidly did), the woman might start saying words out of character. Words that, to the casual observer, might sound criminally insane.
That wasn't the case for her. It was what happened after the pain had passed that made her question her sanity.
She'd driven herself to Labor and Delivery from her new apartment, mostly out of convenience. Jack had surgery that day, and he was paged when she checked in. They were still waiting him to come down when she started pushing, but Juliet had learned a long time ago not to get her hopes up when he was in savior mode, and after ten hours of labor, her baby boy arrived to the smiling face of one parent.
After a brief cleaning, the nurse handed the slightly sticky little boy to her, wrapped in a baby blue blanket. He was bald, save for a patch of blonde fuzz at the very top of his head. There was no doubt that his vocal chords were functional, as he was screaming loudly, and he was beat red in the face from trying to test how long he could survive without stopping for air. And though they were squinted, she could clearly see he had bright blue eyes.
With one arm securely wrapped around her baby, she moved a finger to touch his little, wrinkled hands. He grabbed her, squeezing as tight as he could, discovering for the first time what he was capable of. And she couldn't help but whisper his name in wonder:
"Little James…"
Where the hell had that come from? She and Jack had a name. A perfectly good, albeit lengthy, name. James hadn't even been on the list of contenders.
But staring at the little boy in her arms, who had suddenly stopped screaming and was giving her a toothless grin as he tugged at the gold pendant she wore around her neck, it was the only name that seemed to fit.
James Junior.
I should have taken the drugs…
She was clearly losing her mind, because, if anything, it would have been Jack Junior. And that was not going to happen, not in a million years.
"What was the name again?" her nurse asked, a tiny blue wristlet in her hand.
Juliet contemplated her words carefully. They'd agreed, his name would be-
"IS DAVID HERE?" The door to her room burst open, shocking Juliet out of her contemplation, causing the nurse to drop her pen and the bracelet, and starting another piercing vocal exercise from the baby. Jack was still wearing his scrub cap, though he'd had the foresight to change out of the rest of his scrubs into jeans and a t-shirt. He looked exhausted, and slightly crazed.
"Sir, you can't be in here," the nurse started to say, pushing him out the door with a look that warned not to test her.
Juliet shook her head. "It's alright, he's the father. By the way Jack, good timing." It was clear she was joking, and he smiled.
"As always," he joked back. It was almost easier, now that the divorce was imminent.
The nurse stepped forward, a new bracelet in her hand. "So… am I writing David here?"
"David Christian Carlson-Shephard," Jack announced proudly, as she handed him the baby.
Juliet nodded in agreement. Yes, David Christian was her little boy, and though she and Jack were no longer together, she was going to work her hardest to make sure he knew how much he was loved, by both his parents. He wouldn't have to feel unwanted, like her parents had made her feel, or not good enough, like Jack had experienced with Christian.
As she watched Jack walk through the room, bringing their son to the window to look outside, she couldn't help but think of the future. After all, she was still young. Maybe someday there would be another man, one she could truly love, and who could love her and her baby boy. Maybe they could have what she and Jack never had- the house, the picket fence, a healthy sex life. And maybe, just maybe, they could give David a little brother.
Her own little James.
I know, I normally don't publish stuff this fast! Works been slow at the lab the past few days, so I keep listening to my music doing desk work and coming up with these random ideas from the songs. I am a hardcore Suliet shipper, but part of me wanted to kind of fill in the gaps in the Jack/Juliet alt back story. But I also wanted to kind of throw in a little moment of recognition- kind of like we saw Jack have throughout the season- a brief, but ultimately confusing memory of the real world and who Juliet's "true love" is. I hope that comes through, this story was definitely really stream of concious. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Reviews, especially constructive criticism, are more than welcome, as I've never really written a Jack/Juliet or Suliet story before! Best wishes- Jac