England wanted to turn back to the rest of his allies hiding behind a conveniently large bush and bash them on the head with a blunt object.
The glittery gold stilettos already caned his aching feet. Even with training from France and Russia, he still couldn't understand how women stayed balanced in those painful looking shoes. He wobbled all over the place and the soft green grass underneath his feet weren't helping matters. He was half afraid the thin heel would slide into the ground, trip him up and give away his position to the Axis Powers nations.
That is if the lime green feathered headdress didn't reveal him first. It was so tall and wide that no bush or tree could completely cover the whole thing. Even if it was disguised as leaves should he have hidden himself well and people squinted hard enough, England had to contend with a light breeze giving his skin that wasn't covered with the red tassel bikini and the gold arm braces goose bumps. After making the costume, France banned him from crawling on the ground despite it being an effective method for concealing himself from the enemy. England was annoyed how the Frenchman took more priority telling him to keep himself and the costume clean rather than hidden. He didn't want to think about how China applied the bright red lipstick, pink blusher, blue eye shadow and black eye liner and mascara with expertise. He also shuddered at the memory of having his legs waxed as they throbbed in pain.
To summarize, England regretted announcing all of his observations of the Axis' training routine to the rest of the Allies at the meeting. The rambunctious America decided it would a good idea to make Germany's assuming question come to life. Everyone else most likely agreed to the plan just to get England back for all the victories he had over them in previous wars.
That was the reason why the Englishman waddled in a crouched position towards the lion's den that was the Axis camp. Once he stopped at the bush, he peeked through a makeshift gap to observe the blonde haired Germany giving pre-training introductions to Japan and the auburn haired Italian nation. England just prayed that none of the three were observant enough to spot the lime green feathers poking from the shrubbery.
"We'll continue from where we left off yesterday as neither of you could answer this one simple question, so I will ask again," The German said assertively. "England is slowly closing in on you, wearing a carnival outfit and swishing his hips. What do you do?"
The Englishman cringed at the thought that the serious, uptight Germany would ask such a ridiculous drill question for military purposes. Under normal circumstances, he would never have dreamed of such a preposterous action let alone agree to implement it. Besides, is there a right method to dealing with that scenario?
"Um, Germany-san," Japan raised a shaky hand. "I don't mean to criticize your methods but I think it would be out of character for England to do such a thing. From experience of being an ally of his in the past, he has too much pride to dress in a carnival costume and sway his hips provocatively unless he's under the influence of alcohol."
At least Japan agreed with England's thoughts that doing such a thing was a silly concept and he was on Germany's side. This made the Englishman wonder how sensible the Germanic nation was under that authoritarian exterior, but that made him groan at the same question for his so called allies. If he were asked which out of the two was more sensible, he'd definitely say Germany (as much as he really wanted to deny it), so with allies like America, France, China and Russia (England was sure he had all of them), who needed enemies? England prayed that things couldn't possibly get worse than hiding behind a tree that couldn't hide his feathery headdress…
"Germany! Germany! There's a giant, green ostrich hiding behind that bush!" England let out a groan. Even Italy wasn't dumb or blind enough to ignore feathers poking out from the shrubbery. They were clearly a shade of florescent green compared to his surroundings.
"Don't play games with me Italy! You of all people should know that ostriches are not green and they live in Africa! Didn't you see any of them while you tried to invade the continent?" Germany yelled at the auburn haired nation as Japan raised another trembling hand.
"Germany-san, I don't mean to doubt your powers of observation but there really is a bird of some kind behind you," The Asian nation stammered. This made the blonde haired man stop scolding Italy and turned to find both nations were not lying about the unusual plumage.
"What in the name of Führer is zat behind zhere!?" He frowned at the headdress and took cautious steps towards it.
"Shit! If I don't move now, I'm done for!" But even in his stilettos, the Englishman was doomed if he tried to make a run for it. He had no other choice but to spring from the bush and hope he shocked the Axis nations enough to buy him plenty of time to run away. He flailed his arms, making himself look as big and frightening as a man in a carnival outfit can be. Germany yelped and staggered back a few steps before staring in horror like Japan and Italy had done from the moment England surprised them. Had America not have forced him to continue with his onslaught of the Axis powers, England would have run as fast as his stilettos allowed him, which was slower than he would have liked. He circled around the bush and held his headdress while he stumbled occasionally from his unsuitable footwear. Once he stood still and found his balance, England gave a bashful look to the three perturbed nations. "I'm letting you know now you bought this upon yourselves," he blushed and awkwardly swayed his hips, his arms veered from one side of his body to the other and repeated the movement.
"M-My eyes… p-please stop…" Japan was the first to break and collapsed onto his knees while he pressed his closed eyes with the heels of his hands. Italy was in so much shock that not only couldn't he speak but also turned on his toes and did his usual routine of retreat at a faster pace than normal. Germany was dumfounded at England's provocative actions.
"What the hell is going on?" He uttered under his breath. He knew he had to snap out of it and confront his enemy but for some reason, his brain didn't co-operate with him. For once in his military career, he couldn't figure out how to tackle England wearing a carnival outfit, swishing his hips as he put it just minutes ago. Just when things couldn't break anymore out of control, a melodic tune emerged from nowhere breaking Germany out of shock and stopped England's incendiary dance. The source of the sound came in form of Italy plucking the strings of his acoustic guitar. Needless to say, Germany felt absolutely livid. "Italy! What are you doing with that guitar!?" The tune suddenly cut off as the Italian perked up from his playing.
"Well England was dancing so I thought he would need music to dance to," He spluttered. "Besides, it's much better than fighting, si?"
There was a moment of silence just to relieve the nations of the insanity that had occurred but then a smirk crept on England's lips before posing in a seductive position. He knew how much this absurd strategy disturbed two out of the three Axis nations. "Indeed old chap. I say play on."
"Okay! Uno, due, tre, quattro!" And Italy skillfully plucked the strings of the guitar as England shifted his hips once more. Even when the Englishman cursed under his breath after slipping a few times during his alluring routine, that was still enough to intimidate Germany.
"This is madness!" The blonde yelled and glared at the lively Italian. "Italy! Stop playing that guitar!" But the man was too oblivious in his music to hear the command so he turned to the reeling Japan, clawing at his face. "Japan! Stop gouging your eyes out!"
"I can't help it!" The Asian cried. "I can never get rid of that image for as long as I live!" Germany growled a little before he facing England, who for someone who was reluctant to carry out the ridiculous plan actually enjoyed teasing the German in such a sensual manner.
"And you! Just… stop!" His hands were claw shaped as he ordered his enemy to desist with his swaying. England paused his movements but the grin didn't lift the other's anxieties.
"Stop what? This?" He grinned and turned his back to Germany and jostled his bottom. This was the perfect opportune moment to capture England right there and then but because these circumstances weren't normal and the German had yet to come up with a solution to this kind of confrontation, he did the one thing that he thought he'd never resort to.
"Everyone! Retreat!"
Upon that command, Japan picked himself up and dashed past Italy who had begun to sing to himself while the air filled with music. Germany grabbed him by the collar and dragged him away from the horrific spectacle. "Why can't you retreat when you are told to!?" He bellowed and made the Italian whimper excuses.
Once the Axis nations disappeared out of sight, England stopped his choreography and let out a sigh of relief. "Well, that was surprisingly successful," he said in a astonished tone before he looked down to his throbbing feet and groaned. "But now my bloody feet hurt. I'm going to have to go home and soak in a nice hot bath. But first thing's first, I have some business that needs to be settled…" England slowly turned towards the bush where the Allies revealed themselves and ambled his way towards them.
When he got close enough, America was the first to exclaim. "Holy crap dude! I didn't think you'd pull it off but you managed to scare those Axis guys off!" He spun to the rest of the group with a twinkle in his eye. "Listen up everyone! Because this mission was so successful, our next plan of attack will be to scare the entire Axis army with everyone of us wearing those carnival outfits and swaying our hips just like England did!"
"So long as we don't get shot at with what little armour you're making them wear, I wouldn't mind," France tucked a strand of his wavy, blonde hair behind his ear and watched England struggling with one of the stiletto buckles in an aggressive manner. "And on that note, I bid you farewell. Adieu!" The Frenchman gushed before breaking into a sprint away from the group.
"What's up with France aru? He's probably frightened Germany will come with reinforcements and come after us," China watched France disappear into another section of the forest before turning back to England, who now had a dangerous expression on his face. Without warning, he burst into a run leaving England, Russia and America behind and crying, "Aiyah!" The tall Russian could sense a dark aura surrounding the Englishman and casually walked away.
"Have fun with England America," He said cheerfully and waved before he hastily vanished amongst the trees. Now America had been abandoned with a very irate England, not that he realized the reason for the other nations' swift departure. By the time the youngster set eyes on his former guardian, the stiletto was off.
"Looks like it'll just be the two of us celebrating," America laughed, not noticing the fury England was about to unleash.
"Yes… let me congratulate you in the best way you deserve," The older nation tamed his voice before he let out a snarling, "Come here!" and raised his shoe ready to attack. America's smile dropped finally realizing England had suddenly become violent and made a run for it.
And for the rest of the day, England angrily waved his glittery gold stiletto and shrieked threats at America, who ran for his life in the forest.
FIN.