"I'll try!" she said as he walked away,
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
Unmasked fear.
"I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.

I can't believe I actually left you a year ago now. It seems like yesterday that I placed that kiss on your forehead and turned away…forever. I promised never to return to you. But I never said I wouldn't watch you. I saw what I did to you; it tortured me to see what I'd done to you. I'd broken a perfect angel. I lost the only thing that mattered that day, hoping that you'd move on and have a human life, a better life, one without supernatural interference. I would've have travelled to the ends of the earth for you, no matter what but you believed me. You swallowed my malicious lies. You believed I didn't want you at all. I can't fathom the sadness I caused you or the pain of the loss. All I know is it was killing me.

Why did you believe me so easily?

Why did you doubt my love?

Nothing hurts my world,
Just affects the ones around me.
When sin's deep in my blood,
You'll be the one to fall.

I tried everything to try and stop thinking about you, to stop wanting to run back to you, to stop telling myself I'd done the wrong thing. However you lived inside my mind telling me to return, to come back, to hold you close. I tried to block out everyone, escaping my family to try and heal the pain. In the end all I could do was curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. I no longer thought of anything else but that I was doing it for you to have a human life; one you deserved and needed, one I couldn't give you. I never imagined I could feel this way about anyone. I never willed myself to feel this way about you. I couldn't stop myself. You just enchanted me in such a way that I'd never felt before that being ripped from you, especially of my own doing, was like having my heart ripped out and then the process of becoming a vampire starting again and never ending.

How could I escape the pain?

How could I avoid feeling like this?

"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all.
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart.
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

As much as I told myself you were fine and doing the right thing, the more my mind doubted it. I told my family to leave you, as I'd told you they would but they were emotionally torn too. I'd destroyed many happy souls that day, I'd killed them too. Alice had lost her spark and Esme looked as though she'd lost a child; in reality she'd lost two. I never once thought of what I might have done to you, I expected you to move on as normal to become a happy normal adolescent with a true, pure life. I wasn't meant to know that was very far from the truth. You stole my heart the very day I first saw you, neither of us noticed it then but it was yours, yours to manipulate and control in whatever way you pleased.

Did you ever think of me?

Did you even remember me?

Nothing will last in this life
Our time is spent constructing,
Now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.
Constrict your hands around me,
Squeeze till I cannot breathe,
This air tastes dead inside me,
Contribute to our plague.
Break all your promises,
Tear down this steadfast wall,
Restraints are useless here,
Tasting salvation's near.

I wouldn't have done it to you then. I couldn't have damned an angel to this fate. Being a monster was hard enough to bear without changing another into one. I would have loved you still though, I've always loved you. Why did you want it so much? To be swayed from the perfect human course of life and death? I wasn't worth the bother. You should never have met me. I shouldn't even exist. Yet, I do, and in the human world as well. One where I should've never spoken to you, I should have left when you arrived and never returned. I should never have fallen the way I did. However I can't bear to regret meeting you, I can't bear to regret loving you. I do regret leaving you.

Can you ever forgive me?

Can you still bear to see me?

AH

Nothing hurts my world,
Just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
You'll be the one to fall.

In the end I had to come back; being away was killing me. I had to see you and when I did it hurt. You were empty alike me. Dying inside alike me. You were closer to damnation than I'd have ever believed. I'd damned you anyway, damned you to a sad, mournful life, filled with sorrow and pain. One that was worse than being a horrific monster. I couldn't bear to look at you, look at the pain I'd caused, look at the open soul empty with a hole in which your heart should've been. You were meant to be happy. I should have made sure you were happy and not some sad wreck of an angel, broken beyond belief. The way you still seemed to want me burned me. The way you glanced at me when no one was looking, the way you seemed to want to approach me. The pain of looking at you, being near you, was killing me. I couldn't bear to not see you though, even if the pain of coming back and seeing you like this was hard to bear too.

How could I have made this happen?

How could you ever forgive me?

"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart.
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

I finally gained the courage to try and approach you. I couldn't hear your voice though; the sound would tear my soul apart. I pushed that let into your warm hand, feeling the blood pulsating inside made my mouth fill with venom. You stood rooted to the spot as I walked away. The voices in my head buzzed and then went silent, for once I felt alone in the world. It was like someone had pressed the off switch and I was in complete silent. I stood marvelling at the sound that for once in my life all was quiet. I saw you leave the building chasing a piece of paper. It landed in my hand. It was the one I'd given you. It suddenly struck me that you might not want me anymore. I was being selfish in coming back and wanting you more. You'd moved on and didn't care for me at all. I threw the paper in the bin and walked away. I'd leave you be now. The voices came back into my head. The silence was broken.

Did you want me back?

Did you move on?

AH!!

You're lying in my arms now. Silent yet contorted with pain. I press onto your forehead; you smile blindly up at me. Killing you isn't easy but it's what you wanted. I'll love you forever, never forget that. My angel. My love.

I decided to make a companion piece to my latest fic: The Bleeding. You should read that before you read this. This one is clearly from Edward's POV and the other one is Bella's POV.

The song is: Unholy Confessions- Avenged Sevenfold.

Please review.

Beth

xx