This is a Gay Youth Chronicles (Mark A. Roeder) fanfiction. It takes place after The Soccer Field Is Empty.
It was his fault. All of it was his fault. Others had played their part, he was sure, but it was his actions that caused this all to happen. This tragedy fell upon his soldiers and he could feel the weight of the world weighing him down, crushing him into dust.
What was he thinking? Why did he do the things he had done? No, it wasn't a question. He knew why he had done it. He had been so enraged—so disgusted—when he found his son with… with that boy. He had liked Taylor, at least until he saw that blond boy in his son. He just couldn't handle it. His son was not supposed to be a fa—a homosexual! There was just no way.
It was a phase. That was all it was, that was all he would allow it to be. He had thought he was doing the right thing when he called Mark's coach. All he had wanted was to keep that boy away from his son. It was for Mark's good—it was for Taylor's good as well, in fact. They needed to be separated, they couldn't be allowed to go on doing those disgusting and unnatural acts together.
So he called Mark's coach and told him what was going on. The coach would see to it that they would be separated. He had thought he was doing the right thing for his son. He had thought forbidding Mark from ever seeing that boy again would benefit him. He'd get over this phase and go on and find a nice girl to marry and have kids with. Mark would be better off that way—he'd be happier that way.
But he had been wrong—so very wrong. He had "outed" his son and his son—as he had learned—had faced many dangers at school. He had been ridiculed and beaten and hurt… and somehow this had all led up to that blond boy's death. Taylor had killed himself and Mark had been so overcome with grief that he just couldn't see the point in living without that boy and he killed himself too.
He couldn't believe it when he heard. His son was dead? He had killed himself to be with that Taylor Potter? Why had he done that? It was just some boy… some boy he had a physical relationship with. Was it possible that he had actually cared for that Potter boy? But how was that possible? Two boys couldn't possibly love each other—at least not like how Mark seemed so certain that he loved Taylor.
Except then why did Mark kill himself to be with Taylor? Was it possible that his thoughts about homosexuals—how very unnatural, disgusting, and perverted they were—was all wrong? Was it not a phase? Could they actually care for each other with something other than just physical lust? It certainly seemed like it or else Mark wouldn't have killed himself.
But then it was all his fault. What he had done had led Mark to his death—to his suicide. His son had taken his gun—the very gun he was now holding in his own hands—and shot himself in the head in the very spot that Taylor Potter had killed himself. His son had killed himself to be with another boy. He couldn't live without that boy.
He took in a shuddering breath. Why hadn't he listened to his son? Why hadn't he tried to understand? Perhaps Mark would still be here if he had.
It was his fault. All of it was his fault.
He pressed the barrel of the gun to his head and closed his eyes, thinking of his sixteen year old son. His life and that of another teenage boy had been cut short and it was all his fault.
He pulled the trigger.