A/N: Hello everyone! To those who's following me, I'm back with this little fic. I've been pretty busy with life that's why I haven't updated my other fics in about over a year now. But I've got some updates written down, and I'll be uploading them soon. For now, take this as an offering. :)

It's hard to fall in love with your best friend.

Specially when you guys grew up together, because you know a lot about each other. You've seen their flaws but it doesn't matter, because to you, they're beautiful.

I guess at some point a lot of people had fallen in love with their best friend. Some are lucky enough to actually spend the rest of their lives with their best friend because they took the risk. While some are, you know, unlucky. They took the risk but it just wasn't meant to be. Some are just waiting on the sidelines. In between wanting to take the risk or keeping their mouth shut.

I'm the latter part.

My name is Delphine Cormier, and I'm in love with my best friend.

Cosima Niehaus.

Cosima and I grew up in Berkeley Hills. Their house is just a few blocks away from mine and when we were kids, my parents and hers and would take us to the park every morning.

Some twenty years ago, my family moved in to their neighborhood and shortly after arriving, my parents decided to go to the park. My dad is fond of playing with his remote controlled boats and when he found out from Mr. Hendrix, our neighbor, that the park had a pond, he decided to take his toy for a little run.

At the park, after playing with his boat, my dad gave me the remote control as he was going to go get some ice cream while my mom sat on the bench looking after me. Now, I wasn't really sure how the thing works but after a few clicks here and there, I finally knew how to control the boat.

"You like boats?"

That was the first thing Cosima has ever said to me.

I still remember everything as clear as day. There I was playing with my dad's boat and suddenly this little girl wearing a thick jacket and laced up boots comes up to me and asks if I like boats.

I turned to look at her. "Non.. Not really. It's my dad's toy."

She chuckles. "I like boats."

She was looking at the remote control in my hands and I figured maybe she'd like to try it out. I handed the remote to her and she gladly took it with that toothy grin of hers.

Shortly after that, she gives the remote back to me.

She smiles. "My name's Cosima. What's yours?"

"Delphine."

And that's it. After the introduction, my father came back and Cosima's father was walking over to us.

After that day, our parents hit it off. They lived a few blocks from ours and every Friday night, Cosima and her parents would come over to our house or we'd come over to their house for dinner and while our parents chat about whatever, Cosima and I would be in the bedroom playing, braiding each other's hair, or talk about Science.

Cosima loves Science and so do I. It was something we could talk about aside from boats when we were kids. Cosima had been fond of it at a very young age since her mother is a Science professor at the University of Berkeley.

While Cosima's fond of it because of her mother, I, on the other hand, became fond of it because I was fascinated with this book I came across in my father's library back in France. There was something about the cover of the book that stood out from the hundred others that is sitting on the shelf. It was written by Charles Darwin and at that age, I didn't really know how to read English but either way, I knew it was about Science so I asked my father if I could keep it. He smiled at me and nodded.

Cut to a few years, Cosima and I had been best friends ever since. I started going to her school at freshman year and being with her in that first day made it a whole lot easier.

She introduced me to her friends, Sarah, Helena, and Felix, who are siblings and there's also Alison, Krystal, and Scott.

Highs school was eventful. Cosima was the president of Science club, while I was the vice president. I joined other clubs too like the theater club along with Alison and Krystal. While Cosima focused on the science club, she'd occasionally join Scott every Friday to play board games at Hellwizard's basement.

During our senior year, the park in our neighborhood was closed because of an incident. A child drowned in the pond, while the kid is alive and well and it was actually the parents fault for not looking after the kid, they sued the park owner and spent a lot of money to win the case.

Since it closed, no one had ever gone inside but Cosima and I. Cosima found a way inside, and shortly after that, she called me and asked me to join her on an adventure.. Adventure of sneaking inside the closed park to smoke the weed she had bought from Ramon, a student from our school who's apparently in his sophomore year. Up to this day, it's still a wonder to me how he ended up selling illegal stuff.

Anyway, all these years I've spent with Cosima was wonderful. It did hurt that one time before graduating high school when she fell in love with Shay Davydov.

Shay.

They were together for five years. In fact, I was one of those who encouraged her to pursue Shay and I was there when Cosima asked her to be her girlfriend right before we graduated high school. I was the one who prepared this little picnic they had in our park when Cosima asked her out for a date. I was the one who made the arrangements in this fancy little restaurant where she officially asked Shay to be her girlfriend. I stood there watching as she gave her the flowers that I had bought a few hours before that dreadful moment. I was always there to listen to her talk about the things she'd done with Shay. I listened intently as she told me about their first kiss. I was the one beside her as she cried on my shoulder all night whenever they fought, only to see them the next day all sweet to each other like nothing happened. I was the one who accompanied her when she asked me out to pick out a ring for Shay. A few months after that, I stood there and watched as the love of my life got down on one knee and asked the love of her life to marry her.

I couldn't stand to watch the rest of it happen. Everything around me slowed down and I knew I had to get out of there. I took one last look at Cosima, and to all of our friends, before I disappeared out of the room and into the back of the same restaurant where she asked Shay to be her girlfriend.

I remember someone followed me outside.

"Why'd you walk out?"

"I didn't walk out, I just wanted to smoke."

"Hmm." She hums. "It didn't happen."

"What?"

"It didn't happen. Shay couldn't do it."

"What.. Why?"

She shrugs. "Dunno. She asked Cos to stand up and then apologized. She can't do it."

"Where's Cosima?"

"Still inside. You might want to check on her."

I immediately stubbed my cigarette against the wall and ran inside to find the love of my life, kneeling on the floor, crying her eyes out. Our friends kneeled beside her, consoling her, but she wouldn't stop crying. I slowly walked towards her and knelt down. I placed my hand on her knee and squeezed it. She turns to look at me and lunges forward to hug me. I hugged her back like my life depended on it. I hugged her so tight, I was actually hoping it would convey the message that I'm here. I'm always here. I will never leave you. I will always protect you. I have always loved you..

But I guess it didn't convey that message.

I stood in the sidelines and watched as days, months, and years go by seeing my best friend, who was so full of life, drown herself in alcohol and weed. I was the one who picked her up whenever she was too sick to leave the club she spent partying all night. I was the one who showered, dressed, and tucked her into bed after driving her home from the club and she can't even bring herself to get out of my car properly without potentially throwing up inside.

I've done a lot of things for Cosima and she's done a lot for me too. I usually spend the night thinking about what she and I could be. I also often wonder if at some point, Cosima had loved me like I have always loved her. Looking back at all those years, I guess she only truly loved me as her best friend.

If you're still reading up to this point, you ought to know that this story may or may not have a happy ending. I don't know when I started to be a slave to what I feel about Cosima, but I knew in my heart that if I tried harder, she'd realize that I am the one for her. That I am the one who stood by her side all these years. That I am the one who's always loved her for who she was back then and who she is now.

But I guess Cosima never realized that.

And I guess I should've told her what I felt.

All those years, I had every fucking opportunity to tell her that she has me. That I can promise her one thing. My love. I could've easily grabbed her in those nights that she cried on my shoulder.. I could've just held her hand against my chest and promised her that my love is true, that I will always protect her and I will never leave her.

But.. I didn't.

I was too much of a coward. I knew if Cosima ever rejected me, it would kill me. Not literally, but you get it.

I can't count how many times I've made up scenarios in my head where I tell Cosima what I felt for her. There are good scenarios, and bad scenarios. The latter was a whole lot more because back then Cosima had Shay. But when Shay left, I tried to push myself to tell her, but the fear of rejection got the better of me.

Sarah knew what I felt for Cosima. I've lost track on how many nights I stayed up late hanging out with Sarah at Bobby's bar. Cosima would call during those nights but I always left my phone unattended in fear that I might say something in my drunken state of mind. I've also lost track on how many times Sarah encouraged me to tell Cosima and I often wonder if things would've gone in a different direction if I just had to courage to tell her.

If I did, then I probably wouldn't be going through this nightmare.. If I did, then I probably wouldn't be standing here with everyone else.

Mourning for Cosima.

A/N: Don't hate me.