Ambassador Perry Bennings was surprised he got the job to begin with, but when he was told he was to represent the United States at the brand new embassy in Planeptune, he could hardly believe his eyes. For the next three days after the young man got the news, he had to check the letter over and over to make sure it wasn't just a dream.
The last time he read the letter was yesterday.
And now he was cruising smoothly in a black limousine towards the embassy with his face plastered on the window. The nightlife of Planeptune bustled just like he imagined it would, yet there were so many things that he could never imagine to exist.
Weapon shops with swords and strange-looking guns in the window caught his eyes like moths to a lamp. The completely new weapons and clothes being sold dazzled the new ambassador.
Hard to believe things came so fast! Hard to believe this was happening at all!
The bountiful lights of shops, buildings and cameras flashing in his eyes blinded him and made his jaw drop in awe.
The people walking the streets stopped and stared when they saw the American flags waving on the car, all of the gawkers left to ponder who exactly was inside.
An alien? An enemy? Or a friend?
He hoped they would see him as a friend. He hoped they would see his country as a friend. This was, after all, a whole new world. Diplomatic relations start from scratch. Something he wasn't quite prepared for. But he liked challenges, and this wasn't no exception.
The limousine pulled over to the side of the road, and when Perry gazed out the window… he wasn't expecting what he saw.
It was your standard two story building made from your typical city material. No marble, no chandeliers hanging from a balcony- which didn't exist in the first place. The space between the door and the street was could be counted in just a tiny number of feet. The heavy wood door was open and inviting, however, an an American embassy guard stood in the doorway to greet him.
But in essence, the sight of the new embassy was underwhelming.
Perry shrugged off all feelings of doubt, and pushed open the door.
The air was cold, colder than the regulated temperature of the limousine. But that didn't bother him nearly as much as the phenomenal number of cameras snapping photos of him.
Seemingly an endless sea of news reporters and journalists held up live-TV cameras, expensive picture taking cameras and microphones, begging the new arrival for information on his unknown native country.
Perry Bennings shrugged off the flashing lights and pushed onwards for the building. He did have an image to uphold.
But the moment he shut the limousine door behind him, a purple and white figure darted out from the crowd, leaping like a gazelle over dozens of heads, and smacked Perry right off his feet with a solid oomph!
"Hiya hiya!" She exclaimed. "You're that new ambassador fellow Histy's been talking about, huh?" The girl pinned Perry to the ground, whose eyes were jutted out in debilitating fear as he flailed his arms in the air.
She gave him a moment to respond, as if he could answer her question. But all Perry could make out was a dignified "gawhshahahgetoffmehahahsfh" with his face pushed into the sidewalk, his official uniform getting dirtied.
Dozens of cameras snapped pictures at the exciting scene as the girl laughed.
"You're funny, you know that? I never expected such a pish posh official dude to say something like that!" She chuckled, lying down on Perry's helpless back. "Oh! Histy says the best way for two countries to get along is to get close. As close as possible- that's what she said for sure. And as instant besties, I'm sure that's gonna be just fine. No sweat!" She winked off into the crowd.
She flipped around onto her back, lying on Perry as if he were a bed.
"So… what's your name again?" She asked innocently.
But before anything could be said by the diplomatic victim, an embassy guard dashed over to the scene.
"Ma'am, get off of the ambassador right now!" He demanded, drawing his M4 rifle.
"Whoa there buddyroo, didn't mean to get on ya bad side there!" She hopped off Perry all nonchalant-like, and the guard raised an eyebrow.
"Please get off the property, miss." He demanded once again as the young man struggled to his feet, dazed.
"Geez, why so pushy? I thought we were supposed to be besties!" She pouted, giving him big puppy dog eyes.
Intimidated, he stepped back nervously. He scrambled for his earpiece, speaking rapidly.
"I- I need backup at the front door! She's-" The guard squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to fall victim to the eyes. "She's-"
"Hey! Cut it out you guys." A brown haired girl wearing a heavy blue coat stepped out of the crowd. She stared at the guard with her piercing green eyes, then shifted her sharp gaze over to the assailant. "Neptune, what do you think you're doing?"
"Iffy! Just the gal I was lookin' for!" The purple haired girl, now known as Neptune, reached over to give 'Iffy' a big, friendly hug. Unfortunately, Neptune's face met her extended hand.
"D'aww!" Neptune pouted, crossing her arms. "IF! What's the big idea?"
"You need to mind your manners! This is going to make for a terrible first impression of Planeptune." IF turned to face Perry, who was just as confused as the guard. "Hey, I'm really sorry about that. Neptune really doesn't seem like a Goddess, but fortunately or unfortunately," IF sighed. "That's who you're going to be working with."
The cameras kept going off as the news reporters quieted down so their microphones could catch all the juicy details that were flying around.
"Please, let's come inside." The guard said, lowering his weapon and waving Perry towards the door. He pressed his finger to his earpiece. "Looks like the situation is under control, we're good."
The four people shuffled inside quickly, not wanting to be out where the paparazzi would stalk them. Except for Neptune, who kept flashing the reporters all sorts of funny looks and pulling off silly stunts as they went inside.
That confused the ambassador a ton.
Is that… Neptune lady really the leader of Planeptune? He thought, slowly but surely realizing that his work was going to be cut out for him.
But he read the books. He knew that Neptune was the name of Planeptune's CPU, but he had no idea that she was so… crazy? Strange? Eccentric?
He couldn't find the right word to describe her, and all efforts to do so were shattered when they entered the building. The guard guided the trio down to the left, to a cozy living room.
The walls were painted a soothing light brown, and there were two bland couches pressed up against adjacent walls. There was a big TV in the opposite corner from the couches, and in the middle of the room was a low table. One large window dominated the wall facing the street, but it was covered by a curtain. The floor was covered in a soft rug, completing the look.
"Fwaaaah!" Neptune sighed, collapsing on the couch, sprawling out her legs and arms lazily.
Perry blinked. The guard blinked.
IF hurried over to Neptune and tugged on her shoulders.
"C'mon Nep! You gotta get up!" She pulled and pulled as hard as she could on the lazy CPU, who started to snore. "This isn't your couch!"
Neptune opened an eye. "This isn't?" She rolled over into her tush, almost bouncing in glee. "Well, whaddya know?" She winked at Perry, who just looked over at the guard. The man merely shrugged in response.
IF took a seat next to the troublesome Goddess, shaking her head. The guard stood in the corner of the room, hands wearily gripping his weapon.
"Uhh…" The ambassador started, making his way to the couch next to Neptune. "My name is Ambassador Perry Bennings, I will be representing the United States of America during my stay here in Planeptune."
"Booooooring!" Neptune yawned, stretching her arms out wide. "You got any games around here, Pear Pear?"
"Pear pear?" The guard scoffed, unable to hold himself back from snickering.
"Hey… you seem like a fun kinda guy, minus the gun and all," Neptune clambered onto her knees, resting an arm atop the rear of the couch. "What's your name?"
The guard raised his eyebrows in shock. He wasn't really supposed to be part of the diplomatic mission… but if the leader of this new nation wanted his name, he figured it would be best to answer.
"It's Quincy."
"Boo!" She frowned. "How's Qui? No… how about Cee Cee? No…" Neptune furrowed her eyebrows, deep in thought. "Either my nicknaming skills have diminished over the years, or your name just stinks!" She jutted a accusing finger out towards Quincy.
IF quickly grabbed the immature girl's hand, pushing her back into a sitting position.
"Once again, Mr. Bennings, I'm terribly sorry about her actions…" IF spoke.
"No need to apologize, each country has their own unique culture to it." He smiled.
"Uh…" IF started. "She's actually a unique case."
"Oh." Perry stated, sliding back in his seat. "I.. see."
Neptune poked her hand into the air, squealing in anticipation. The sight was new to the ambassador, but he didn't really mind it in the end.
"Yes?" He answered her like a teacher would a student.
"What now?" THe CPU asked.
"I was actually going to do some reading then get to sleep," Perry placed a hand on the back of his neck nervously. "I wasn't exactly expecting the CPU to pop up… so you have something to say?"
"Not really… that's a bummer." Neptune pouted. "Well, I'll see ya tomorrow!" She jumped out of the couch, immediately starting for the door. "This story won't be moving without the protag', now would it?"
"Yeah, you need time to unpack and all. I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion, ambassador." IF got up as well, giving him a short bow in condolence. Neptune shot over to her friend, and with a crazed grin, tugged her towards the door.
"Wha!" IF was swept off her feet, caught by the tide of Nep.
"Alright, alright, alright!" The Goddess sang. "See'ya tomorrooooooow!"
And she slammed the front door shut behind her. Just like that, she was gone. Perry's heart was still beating fast, frightened that something could've gone wrong during this improvised meeting.
After wiping his forehead with a hand for nervous sweat. He also got off the couch.
"Thank you for supporting me, Quincy." Perry thanked, holding out a hand to the guard.
"It's my job, sir." He took it, shaking it with a firm grip. "Those Gamindustrians… you think they're all like that?"
"I'd hope not." The ambassador sighed. "I don't know if I'd be able to stand it."
"I agree." Quincy stared out into the distance with a sobered expression. "That Histoire oracle, she only let four of our guards into their dimension. If they decide to turn on us, we're doomed."
Perry nodded. This was supposed to be an expedition to make friends and exchange cultures, but that limited exchange made him worry this was a struggle for survival. At least, a struggle for sanity.
"We'll make it. If the local law enforcement is fast enough, anyways." Perry affirmed, patting Quincy on the shoulder. "Call me Perry if you'd like, there isn't a need to be formal when nobody's around."
"I guess so." Quincy's head drooped. It had been a long day for the embassy staff, who arrived earlier today to make the building suitable for a government building.
One janitor, three officials, four guards and one ambassador. That's all that Planeptune allowed to cross over, at least for now. They had just made first contact, and so far very little was known about the other people except from several books send over in a bilateral information exchange.
Things would expand eventually, that Perry knew. He heard that the French were going to send a delegation by next week, followed by the Australians. But things were subject to change, as things were still very fresh and new for everyone.
But even if so much history was going down, people still got tired. And Perry was exhausted.
"Perry, you okay?" Quincy asked, tilting his head.
"Ah, I'm fine. Lost in thought, that's all." The ambassador nodded. "Think you can take me to my room?"
"That's my job, Mr. Bennings." The guard led the way out of the room, up a carpeted staircase and into a narrow hallway. They took two turns until they reached a door at the end of a hall. It was a small building, but to Perry, it still felt like a maze. He'd get used to it, along with everything else in this new world.
Perry stepped inside, eyelids drooping ever so softly. He turned to face his newfound friend, giving him a wave. "I'll be fine for now, I'll catch you tomorrow."
"Yeah, it's going to be a busy day." Quincy let out a puff of air, sliding out into the hall. "Have a good night."
"You too." Perry shut the door with one hand, then turned his attention to the rest of the room. His room for at least the next four years, unless something big happened.
It was a moderately large room, completely square and colored the same brown as the living room. There was one large, white bed leaning against the opposite wall, with a television across from it. There were a few windows behind the bed, and outside he could see a wide street with a few press crews still filming his arrival.
A dresser to his right contained several spare changes of both casual and official changes of clothes. A rug sprawled across the floor, and when Perry slid his shoes and socks off his weary feet, his bare toes felt wonderful.
But that was it for the big things- nothing really fancy or anything. Just barebones, much like the rest of the building.
Perry ran a hand through his dark hair as let himself fall down on the bed. He ran his fingers across the fluffy blanket, it's fabric feeling luxurious to him.
Tomorrow was going to be a big day. He had to meet with Histoire, the second ruling figure that essentially ran the country, at least that's from what he told. Then he was supposed to meet the rest of other nation's Console Patron Units at one big formal meeting in Planeptune's Basilicom. And finally, he was supposed to Skype the president. No biggie.
But after seeing Neptune today, he doubted the midday meeting was going to be very formal.
To prepare himself for such an occasion, he knew he would need adequate sleep. No using his work laptop to browse the local internet. Not tonight.
His eyes trailed over to the dresser, where his black laptop sat. It taunted him, gleaming in the waning light of the bedroom.
Oh, what the hell! It's for work purposes. He justified to himself, arching his whole back over to grab it. After all, I need to learn more about Gamindustri. Right?
Ugh…
Perry's grubby eyes strained to open in the morning light streaming in through the windows.
Is it time to wake up already?
With a frown, he set his eyes on the clock above the door.
7:45. Eh, he still had fifteen minutes.
With a smile on his face and a dream of delicious, juicy hamburgers, the ambassador slowly but surely drifted back to sleep.
Until he heard the shout.
"FUACK YOU AMELIKAN PIGGU DOGGUS!"
Something round and hard slapped the window to Perry's right, filtering the sunlight into a sort of yellow-white.
Did he seriously just get egged?
"GO HOME AMELIKAN ASSHOEES"
Another splatter of something nasty smashed into the glass, forcing Perry to his feet. Luckily he still wore his work clothes from yesterday; we was much too tired to take them off after his lengthy gaming… err… research session.
Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Perry squinted out the window.
Sure enough, he did get egged. A few times, actually. At least he knew that the window would protect him against small impacts from angry natives.
Wait a second. Those aren't natives!
Across the street a raising flag caught Perry's eyes.
Oh no.
The blue, red and white of a very particular flag started to flutter in the morning wind. Two large banners hung from some of the windows, and four men stood in the middle of the street between his building and theirs, holding a carton of eggs each.
It was the fucking North Koreans!
"You gotta be shitting me!" He exclaimed as another egg smashed into his window.
"FACKA YOU AMELIKA!"
"Damn it damn it damn it!" Perry spun around, running for the door.
He opened the door, and right in front of him was Quincy, hold up his fist and about to knock. Their eyes met each other's in surprise, trying to alert each other about the same thing.
Perry spoke first. "W-we're going to have to cancel the first meeting. Call the Basilicom and tell them that we are being egged of all things by our new, unexpected neighbors."
Quincy didn't have to be told twice, and rushed down to the main office of the embassy.
Perry, not quite sure on what to do, ran around the building, looking for the stairs to go up to the roof. Once he had found them, he jogged up, panting heavily.
He pushed open the door to the roof, and the blinding morning light dazzled him for a second. A warm gust of wind slid past his cheeks , making him feel a little more awake than he did earlier. Once his eyes adjusted to the light, he just stood there for a second, taking in the awe inspiring Planeptune cityscape.
It was so lively, despite being so early in the morning. Which wasn't a good thing in his case. How this USA/DPRK clash goes over in this new world will seriously influence how Gamindustri views each country- and just about everyone would be here to see it.
Perry hobbled across the roof, past a few skylights and the American Flag for the side where the North Koreans were. And the the moment he showed his face, they adjusted their aim straight for him.
"HEY! CUT IT OU- oof!" Perry shouted until an egg smacked him in his upper chest, and the yolk splattered all across his outfit.
The sticky egg stuff made him cringe a little, but he ignored it and leaned back over the edge, waving his arms out, trying to say 'stop'.
It didn't seem to be working, as the Koreans kept throwing eggs at the building.
"AMRLIKAN STINK LIKE CRAPITARIST DO!" One of the four shouted, and the whole group burst into laughter.
A large crowd had already started to develop around the street, with men, women and children alike all watching the scene with mixed expressions. Some shouted things that couldn't be heard over the dull roar of the crowd, while others hopped into their phones calling the police.
But in the end, the Koreans didn't do anything different and kept throwing eggs until they had run out. Once all their ammunition had been expended, they started talking to each other in Korean before walking back to their embassy.
The police arrived, their cars pushing slowly through the crowd until reaching the front of the embassy, but they couldn't enter the building.
As the seconds turned to minutes, and minutes dragged on and on, Perry slowly realized why the Koreans weren't getting arrested and why he was still covered in egg.
Diplomatic immunity.
What a stupid thing.
Upset and smelling of poultry, the American ambassador walked back inside in defeat. Things might not be able to be done right now, but after a shower and maybe some breakfast, ol' Donny Trump's gonna have a field day on twitter with this one.
"Nepu!" Neptune frowned on the Basilicom living quarter's couch. The TV was on, and unfortunately for her, Histoire had the bright idea to switch the channel.
And she was in the middle of an awesome show about how cool she was, too! Documentaries can be okay, as long as it's about the one and only CPU of Planeptune.
Well, there was Nepgear, who sat indifferently on the couch, but she didn't count. At least, not when she wasn't fighting for her show!
"Neptune!" Histoire, the book-fairy oracle of Planeptune, held the television remote out in front of her. It seemed a bit silly- the remote was just as tall as she was! "Stop fussing and act like your sister. There are more important things going on right now, such as current events!"
"Current events?" The CPU groaned. "Histy, why do you do this to me? What torture do you stay up all night scheming?"
"Those Koreans you said seemed cool? Well, maybe we should've done some more research, as they're not getting along at all!" The oracle said, shrugging off the question and raising the volume of the television.
It was a news broadcast displaying the scene right from the ground. A woman was talking rapidly about something that Neptune didn't really care about, but the pictures were telling a story all on their own.
Four men with funny looking suits were throwing eggs at those American fellows next door! How rude!
They should be glad to be housed next to one another. After all, wouldn't it be nice to have your neighbors come from the same world? Why do they have to be so rude and throw perfectly good eggs at each other? Some things, Neptune thought, never turn out okay.
"Now, I want both of you," Histoire glared at Nepgear, who squeaked at the sharp stare. "To go out there and fix this!"
Neptune fidgeted with her thumbs, looking down at the ground. Nepgear stared with her eyes open at her sister, waiting for something to happen.
"Now!" Histoire shouted, and Neptune jumped up.
"Geez, you didn't have to get all pissy, Histy!" Neptune slowly danced over to the door, taunting Histoire. Nepgear hobbled behind her sister, running to the door as well.
But just then, Histoire's tiny cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She swiftly fished it out with a frown, and answered.
It was from the American embassy.
"Neptune, Nepgear, hold on just a moment." Histoire said, and Nepgear froze.
Neptune, who was already halfway out the door, tiptoed back into the room. With curious ears, the purple haired- Goddess crept up to her oracle.
"Mhm." Histoire nodded, and after a few more seconds she nodded again. "I see."
She hung up after just a minute, her frown never leaving her face.
"Well Neptune, looks like you lucked out this time."
"How so?" The CPU smiled, leaning in.
"The people of Earth have this rule, and some countries abuse it more than others. Those Koreans from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, they won't allow you to touch a single one of their staff without violating the rule- no matter what."
"Geez, that sounds stupid!" Neptune smirked, only happy that she didn't have to work that day.
"So.. what's the rule?" Nepgear asked plainly and softly.
Histoire sighed. "Diplomatic Immunity."
Hey hey hey!
I haven't seen a story like this yet, and I think it's going to be a fun story to write and read.
An actual, real story this time that will be continued in due time- but I'm writing an other story as well.
Don't expect swift updates... but if you like the idea so far, feel free to Follow/Favorite and leave a Review!