*This is my first time writing fan fic i am fairly new to the fan fic community so please let me know what u think! reviews or PMs are awesome i hope and look forward to hearing what u guys have to say! please enjoy! :)

Chapter 1

"One year, 365 days today… that is how long it has been since the galaxy became a lesser place. Since the galaxy was saved… since it lost a hero, a friend, and a lover."

Tears welled up in the eyes of the crowd as even the hardened soldier began to break down on the podium.

" We ALL lost the most amazing man one year ago and that is why we are all here, to remember a man who gave everything so that we could live on. We are here because Commander John Shepard isn't, and so here we are, at the Reaper Conduit which will stand as a memorial for not just Commander Shepard but for all of the people that fought the Reapers."

A single tear streamed down the cheek of Kaidan's face it took all he had in him not to break down into sobs. He was holding on to the podium so hard he thought his already white knuckles would explode. The sound of muffled cries echoed from the audience. He took a deep breath.

"We will never get back the ones we lost but we will live on knowing that they died so we could have a better future… Thank you."

The crowd erupted in cheers as a beaten down Kaidan walked off the stage. God I hate public speaking he thought to himself as he climbed into the seat of the waiting skycar. He almost jumped out of his skin when he opened his burning eyes to see Liara sitting next to him.

"Jesus Liara what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to congratulate you on your speech, it was… moving"

The door hissed shut as the autopilot engaged and the car took off into the distance.

Kaidan grunted disapprovingly, his gaze dropped to his hands, he was so used to seeing them dirty, be it blood or grit from a battle, but now they were so alien, so clean, and the faint glow from the bio-circuits didn't help the alien feeling.

"Amazing isn't it?" Liara's cool voice piercing the silence.

"huh?" he said looking at her confused.

She laughed lightly, " you know we built the crucible not even knowing what it would do, hell it could even have turned us all into husks! But we built it anyways and fired it blindly, and then it almost destroyed the citadel and blew up all the mass relays and then to top it all off it turned us all into bio-synthetics, and then the Reapers became friendly and"…

"I know what happened Liara. Im not blind" hissed kaidan.

Liara sent him a concerned look, her already intense blue eyes glowed making them pop even more. He hated how she could give him a single look and make him feel like the worlds biggest idiot.

"I know, I miss him too" Liara looked at the city below as the skycar zipped threw the air.

His previously wondering mind refocused on all that he had tried to bottle away. The hurt the loss everything came flooding back. Kaidan put his head in his hands and sobbed.

"How could he leave me alone again! He promised he would be there waiting for me!" He wailed.

"Kaidan… there is nothing John wouldn't have done to come back to you if he could, he did it for you, to make sure you would be safe so that you could live on." She tenderly put he hand on the back of the trembling soldier.

The skycar slowly stopped in front of the spaceport and an alert chimed alerting the duo they had arrived at their destination.

The major looked at her and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his military blues and for a moment there was silence between the two, both not knowing what to say to the other. Liara looked as if she was going to say something but decided against it and retracted her arm only to wring her hands in her lap. The two had never been extremely close but Kaidan always knew she had a thing for the Commander even though she would rather die than admit it; maybe she was the one person in the world that would even have a fraction of an idea of how he felt.

"I appreciate what your trying to do Liara, you're a good friend its just"… he sighed, "its just I cant believe or maybe its that I don't want to believe that hes gone; it kills me thinking I wont see him ever again"

The silence was broken by the skycar once again alerting them that they had arrived at their destination.

"I should go, my shuttle leaves in ten minutes" said kaidan checking his omni-tool.

"Yes of course I should be going as well, you have my number if you ever need to talk… just, take care of your self Kaidan I would hate to lose another friend."

And with that the doors hissed open and the two parted paths.