Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Charmed. I also have nothing to do with the fabulous song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence.

A/n: Here it is! The somewhat-long-awaited sequel to Alone, Eternally. I honestly wasn't sure I would ever actually write this story (I was planning to address Cole in my longer story, Destined, and still will when I continue it), but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. I wrote parts of the first chapter a couple of months ago, but then I lost patience with it. Earlier today I thought, "Well, perhaps I'll write the end of the story first," and once I did the rest came naturally. So really, I wrote part of chapter one, chapter three, chapter four, chapter two and then the rest of chapter one. Hopefully it's still cohesive.

I would recommend reading Alone, Eternally first, although it may not be necessary to understand this.

This will be updated quickly, since I really have the entire story written and only have to do editing.

I hope everyone enjoys this as much as Alone, Eternally. I have a third part to this story planned. Maybe it won't take me a year to write it, though. Yes, I'm laughing too.

Katie

Setting: July 2007

Nothing I've Become

a story by Ryeloza

sequel to Alone, Eternally

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

-Evanescence, "Bring Me to Life"

For a long time, Cole had blamed everyone except himself for his and Phoebe's relationship failing. This wasn't hard to do, as he was utterly convinced that he had done everything right at the time of his death. Insanity did have its upside, after all.

He began by faulting Piper and Paige. They had poisoned Phoebe's mind against him. They planted seeds of doubt. They whispered into Phoebe's ear that he was a no good, hapless, worthless demon who would never change. They hated him, and they made Phoebe hate him too. He even threw some of this blame to Prue, who had never liked him, and had made sure that Phoebe knew it. Who cared that she was buried over a year ago?

Eventually, he found himself unable to blame the sisters in such a direct way. Trapped in the manor, memories came back to him unbidden. Piper telling Paige of all the good he had done to help them. Paige finding Cole when Phoebe had been turned into a mermaid because Paige knew they still loved one another. Even Prue, reluctantly pulling him into the category of an innocent so many years ago. And he remembered that he had occasionally protected Prue, Piper and Paige, though on Phoebe's behalf more-so than because of any personal caring he might have had (particularly when it came to Paige, who he had never managed to get along with even remotely). But he had also, he realized vaguely, tried to kill them of his own free will, not under the influence of Belthazor or the Source or any other demonic spawn. So maybe their determination to expel him permanently from their lives wasn't completely out of a grudging hate (at least on Piper's part).

So he'd moved on to blaming Phoebe.

Phoebe, his beloved, had given up on him. She hadn't given him another chance. She'd never listened to an explanation or forgiven him or allowed him back into her heart. She had driven him into desperate action and blamed him for every little thing that went wrong in her life.

She'd abandoned him after all he had done for her.

But after time, he couldn't blame Phoebe any more either; at least not completely. If he had just given her space, time to clear her head...

These thoughts, the vicious blame game, had haunted him for a very long time as he morosely haunted the manor. Even once he found other things to occupy his time–plotting to do, meddling to plan, children to entertain him–the anxious thoughts that he somehow could have prevented his fate lurked beneath the surface.

Then, two months ago, everything had changed.

In the course of one short day, he'd discovered that Phoebe had doubts about her marriage, might still have feelings for him, and could possibly give him a second chance if he suddenly materialized. The hope that bubbled within him that day was dwindled by Piper's self-righteous blathering that she couldn't tell Phoebe where he was, but it had not gone away entirely. Because he had something other than the Charmed Ones to rely on for once. He had Wyatt.

Piper, of course, would go into convulsions once she learned what Cole had done, but Cole figured another chance with Phoebe was worth whatever horror Piper would put him through for using her son.

Generally, Cole liked long term plans. They were safer and had less chance of failing if every kink was worked out. But this time he felt as though he were working on a tighter schedule and the plan he had come up with seemed likely to fall apart in a moment's notice.

The first thing he had decided was that he would need to come back when Piper and Leo were out of the house for an extended period of time. At present, Piper's difficult pregnancy had confined her nearly full time to the house. The only opportunity he could see that would allow him enough time to be alone with Wyatt would be when Piper went into labor. Of course, Victor was supposed to watch the kids, but this didn't concern him as much. Victor had no fire power, for one thing. He also didn't hover as Piper and Leo did. No one hovered as unnecessarily as Piper and Leo, and with them out of the way, Cole thought he could get out of the house unnoticed.

The problem his deadline presented was that he only had two months at most to gain Wyatt's trust and cooperation. This, of course, was the crucial part of the plan.

Wyatt, as far as Cole could tell, could not see him, but he knew that Wyatt could hear him. He had been the one to encourage Wyatt to heal Piper on the day Piper had joined him in his personal hell. That, Cole thought, could only be an advantage. Surely Wyatt must already trust him slightly.

A week after Phoebe had indirectly made her doubts known to him, Cole had sat down in between Wyatt and Chris in their bedroom and purposefully joined in the fun. Wyatt was attempting to build something out of blocks, but he never got very far because Chris kept destroying the structure, taking pleasure in knocking over the blocks and stomping on them.

"Stop it, Chris!" whined Wyatt for the third time.

"Again!" cried Chris, ignorant to his brother's wishes.

And that was when Cole struck.

"Wyatt," he said, and Wyatt turned to look cautiously at the direction of the voice. "Wyatt, do you remember me?"

"No," said Wyatt, disheartening Cole only slightly. He supposed it was natural that Wyatt wouldn't remember an invisible man he had spoken to once over two years previously. Stubbornly, Wyatt went back to building his tower, only to have Chris knock it down again, gleeful in his triumph.

"Wyatt, I can help you with Chris," he said.

Wyatt looked interested, but didn't say anything. He simply made another failed attempt.

"So make him stop!" said Wyatt, glaring at Chris as he kicked a red block across the room.

"You can make him stop," said Cole. "Tell him that it will be more fun to knock over the blocks if you build it higher. Maybe you could let him help you build it."

Wyatt seemed to accept this more graciously than Cole expected. Perhaps he had siphoned Prue's elder sibling tendencies from somewhere, because he didn't seem to have a problem sharing. Or maybe that preschool Piper was raving about really had made a difference. In any case, Wyatt said, "Why don't you help me build the tower, Chris? Then we can knock it down together."

Soon both boys were occupied in building the tower, and Cole was forgotten in the background. It was a start, though, and Cole soon made a regular habit of joining the boys when they were playing by themselves. He'd told Wyatt to call him Mr. Sillypants in hope that if Wyatt mentioned another imaginary friend, the name would alleviate the idea that it was anything more than a four-year-old's concoction.

Playing imaginary friend and guide to a four-year-old lost its charm fairly quickly, though. He genuinely liked both of the boys, but talking to Wyatt alone was not the same as interacting directly with him. He honestly longed to actually play a game, to pick up the building blocks and help the kids with their tower. He wanted to laugh and play with them the way the other adults in their lives did. Incessantly, he reminded himself that the tedium would be worth the outcome, but at times it was overly difficult.

On June 12, Phoebe gave birth to Honora. The birth was uncomplicated and both the mother and child were fine. Piper even, to Leo's protests, left the house to visit Phoebe and Nora in the hospital. She was still six weeks away from her due date, but both Leo and the doctor were worried that she might go into premature labor, as she had with Wyatt.

Cole had the pleasure of seeing both Phoebe and the baby three times as June turned to July and Piper grew larger and larger. The baby was gorgeous, though as she was Phoebe's Cole didn't think that it was possible for her not to be. She had a head of dark hair and bright blue eyes that Phoebe thought would turn brown later, as both she and the unmentionable were brown eyed.

"Prue had blue eyes," Piper reminded her. Then added, "I think she looks a little like Prue." And Phoebe had nodded. Cole wasn't sure he saw the resemblance; but perhaps once she got a little older.

Wyatt and Chris had both taken turns holding their cousin, Chris with an incredible amount of curiosity. He kept looking at Piper's stomach and asking, "Is this what my sister looks like?" The entire visit he kept touching Nora, holding her small hands and softly petting her head while Phoebe watched with scrutiny.

"I've never seen Phoebe so happy," Piper told Leo after one of the visits. Cole smiled, imagining what it would be like when he could finally hold Nora himself. He wanted to marvel at her with the same childlike innocence Chris had.

Existence seemed on the verge of being complete, and Cole had never been so eager or giddy as he was each day Piper's due date drew nearer.

Then one day after dinner, two weeks before Piper was due, Cole came into the kitchen to find Piper pale and trembling, and his happiness flew out the window. Suddenly, his plan had come to a crashing halt.