Hello everyone in fanfiction world! Spooky Mitsuko here bringing you more humorous stories for your enjoyment!
This is my first time writing an Advent Children fic, and let me tell you it was a blast doing so! Reno and Rude are just way too fun not to work with! Damn their sexyness and all...
Anyway, moving along, I'm not sure how long this story's gonna be ( leave it to me to start writing a week before school starts...) But, well, we'll see in time -
Disclaimer: I do not own Rude, Reno, Shin-Ra, the Shin-Ra company...their panties...or anything else that involves the Square and the Enix. So don't sue or else I'll have to say 'B-but I wrote a disclaimer, you can't do this!' and then I'll put up a fight and it will just be tiresome for the both of us and really, we both have friends and families that we want to spend time with and why take away the experience of bonding over something like this?...Moving on...
So, without further adieu here's the first chapter of 'Sick'.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rude pulled into the Shin-Ra parking lot at exactly a quarter past five. Smiling at his car's digital clock, ( as well his wrist watch, because hey, he's just that kind of guy, ) Rude congratulated himself on a job well done. Not only had he arrived early to work, but he had been fifteen minutes early!
'Such a feat is comparable to none...' Rude thought happily, taking some time to fix his sun glasses in the rear view mirror. Not that Rude had ever been late mind you. Oh no, never. Not a once. Not even that time with the sock puppet and flesh eating virus in his tooth paste. No, that day he had been tardy at most. Yes, it's true. And besides Rude was more then happy to leave the 'getting to work late' task to his partner.
Speaking of which...
An ear shattering honking noise reverberated suddenly throughout the entire parking lot.
"SHIT!" Rude exclaimed loudly, nearly spilling his coffee in alarm and grabbing his head in agony. "What the hell is that!"
Stumbling out of his car Rude made his way to another, parked a short distance from his. The car was red, the car was crushed on one side. The car belonged to Reno.
Peeping into the driver's side window ( or lack there of ) Rude witnessed the source of the commotion. Reno was laying face down in the driver's seat, his forehead pressing heavily on the car's horn.
His crimson locks were strewn in every direction making the Turk look much like a drugged up porky pine trying his hand at driving..and failing. Reaching his arm into the car Rude pulled Reno's head off the horn and pushed him into a sitting position, grimacing at the Turk's appearance. What he could only assume to be mucus covered the red head's face. His eyes were crusty and blood shot, and his lips were so chapped they had broken.
"Jesus, Reno, what the hell happened?" Rude asked loudly, shaking his friend gently by the shoulders in a vain attempt to make eye contact with the younger man, who was slowly slumping forward again.
"Ruuuudee..." Reno called out, looking around dizzily "Is that you man..? What the hell are you doing here?" He asked dreamily, staring intently at a tree behind Rude's shoulder. "I thought you went home for the day..."
" Reno..." Rude said worriedly, turning the other's face towards his again as it had begun veering off to the left. "It's six thirty in the morning...on Thursday..."
Reno just laughed at this, the force of which making his head drop backwards into what looked like a very uncomfortable position
"No no no, you silly bean..." Came the slurred reply "It's midnight...on Wednesday...you need to get a calender dude..."
Rude sighed and rubbed his temples. Now that the initial worry and shock of finding Reno laying face down in his car had faded Rude was finding this whole situation extremely annoying.
"Reno, I hate to burst your bubble...but look, the sun's out. And-" Rude pulled his left wrist up to Reno's face, "Look at my watch, it says six thirty."
"Actually it says six thirty eight..." Reno added, finally getting his eyes to focus on the shiny gold time piece. "That's a nice watch yo..."
Rude stared unamused at the smaller man who was, at that moment, poking the face of his watch with child like interest.
"I mean really nice.." He went on enthusiastically "...like...so nice dude..that you should...be just as nice!...Having such nice things..why don't I have nice things..?"
"Reno." Rude cut off the babbling red head sternly, pulling his watch out of Reno's view. "What are you still doing here?"
Reno looked perplexed for a moment before dissolving into a fit of laughter. "Rude! Don't you know I could be asking you the very same question? Interrogating a sick man...my word..."
"Sick?" Rude inquired.
"Oh yeah!' Reno pipped up, leaning out of the car window uneasily "I was all throwing up and shit...gross stuff man! Didn't get out'a the damn office until...until...today..or...yesterday.."
Silence.
"Reno!" Rude yelled, unable to control his frustration, "Finish what you were saying!"
"Oh yeah! Woah...deja vu man...anyway..so...where was I?"
"Didn't get out of the office until..."
"Oh! Yeah, so I was so sick, but you'd be so proud of me Rude- so proud man! I finished all my paperwork then I got up to leave, but I was all throwing up remember? So I had to take some medicine, but 'Laney wouldn't gimmie any because she's mean and Sir Tseng told me to stop going through his file cabinets and go home, so all I could do was take these little pink pills in my glove compartment and-"
"Wait." Rude cut in, astonished. "You took some unidentified, nasty ass pink pills you found in your glove compartment..?"
Reno smiled, snuggling back into the torn upholstery of his driver's seat.
"They tasted kinda funky with the bourbon though..."
Rude was dumb founded.
"...Let me get this straight." Rude started delicately, "You were sick...sick enough to be vomiting, so your solution was to take some pills you found in your car and wash them down with alcohol in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the night?"
"Yup, that's pretty much the whole of it!" Reno beamed proudly."You did leave out the part with the penguins though.."
"...penguins?"
"Hells yeah!" Reno cried, gesticulating wildly "They were like..the best part! They taught me how to do the polka and-"
"Reno!"
Reno jumped at the volume of the other man's voice and looked meekly up at him from under the fringe of his bangs. "I promise I'll show them to you next time yo.."
"Get into my car Reno."
Reno raised his eyebrows. "Ooohhh, so demanding are we?"
"I'm taking you home, now." Rude said with a certain tone in his voice that clearly meant 'do it now, or I'll break both your legs and drag you if you don't listen.' He opened the car door for the other man and waited. When Reno made no move to get up Rude sighed irritably and leaned his head forward.
"Is there a problem..?"
Reno pouted and looked around his car idly "No...not really.."
"Then why aren't you getting up?" Rude tried again, biting the side of his cheek to keep his temper in check.
Reno stared for a moment before turning his confused eyes to the larger man.
"...Getting up?"
Rude became very still. "Yes Reno. Getting up. Getting up, and walking with me over to my car so that I can drive you home where you'll only be a danger to yourself and those poor squirrels that live in your backyard."
Reno gasped dramatically at this and threw a hand over his eyes. "My goodness!" He exclaimed, "Not only are you raising your voice to a dying man, but you're expecting him to walk too..!"
"...dying?"
"Carry me."
The words were not so much a request as a demand, and with them Reno thrust his arms upwards and out of the car, making grabby motions with his fingers. "Up! Up Rude!"
"...I don't know what the hell you took man, but it must have been some serious crack or something if you think I'm picking you up."
Reno smiled coyly and extended his arms further, lightly poking the chest of Rude's black blazer. "If you don't carry me there's no telling what I could do. I could accidently smash my car into a child! Or worse...break your sunglasses!"
And with that Reno grabbed Rude's sunglasses off his face, holding them in a death grip behind his back.
"Reno!" Rude shoved the other man backwards across the two front seats of the car, grasping wildy for his lost shades. "Give those back now!"
The response he got was a high pitched giggle, a sound which he had never heard Reno make before, ( and honestly, wasn't in a hurry to hear again because it was creepy as hell ) and a hard kick to his lower stomach.
Rude groaned, then snarled and, grasping Reno's ankles, dragged him halfway out of the car and onto the pavement. Pinning him down and looming over him dangerously Rude stuck his hand in Reno's face.
"Glasses please."
Reno laughed nervously and slowly pulled the pair of shades out from behind his back. However even in his inebriated state Reno was still quick as a whip and the second Rude's attention was diverted by the sight of his beloved eye wear Reno was up and bolting quickly over Rude and out of the car...
Where he was promptly seized with an attack of vertigo and fell forward, landing flat on his face.
The next thing Reno could remember was waking up in Rude's car, sitting next to the older man and registering that yes, they were sitting in the parking lot of a pharmacy and that yes, Rude was once again wearing his sun glasses.
Oh, and the headache. Can't forget the massive headache.