Visions of you
I lay here alone in my bed, it's early but the sun has come up and I catch a glimpse of it through my curtains. Another day is about to start, another day without him, Brendan Brady.
I shouldn't be thinking of him anymore, those days should be well behind me, I made my choice and I choose a new life. I stopped putting up with the things that he did and i learnt to play by my rules instead of his. Outwardly I had moved on, even found love with Doug of all people, but on the inside my feelings for him were just as new and raw as they ever were. So much has happened between us and I think that there comes a point when you can't go back no matter how desperately you want to.
I thought we were finally going to be together when he said "I love you" but that was when it all started going wrong and before I knew it we were strangers again. I can't change all the crap that has happened between us since then, if I could I would, in a heartbeat. I'd give anything for the last year to be erased but to have full knowledge of what was going to happen, so that I could do things differently but still be with him in the end.
They say true love is rare, that everyone has a soul mate. I met mine; he is mine it's the only explanation for still feeling this way. If he's not the one for me then why does my heart tell me that he is? I try to forget, I try to block him from my thoughts but that only seems to make me think of him even more. I have these images, these fantasy's where everything is good between us, where he is mine and I am I his and for a while it fills me with hope and I feel happier than I've ever felt. Then i shake off those thoughts and I feel the loss over and over again. I sometimes wonder if Doug notices the fake smile or if he can see the pain behind the mask that I put on, if he does he never says.
Then the visions come to me, like the one I am having right now. I see him he is here with me; he is undressing me with his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes of his that I get lost in every time. I feel nervous because he is so sure of himself and he should be he really is something else. I have never felt so truly wanted or desired by anyone, he looks at me like i am the most delicious thing that he has ever seen and it makes me have butterflies in my tummy. How old am i? Did I even say that? Thing is though that is exactly how I feel, how he makes me feel.
I start to touch myself as the visions become clearer, they are cruel, sometimes I see him so clear like he was really here but of course he's not and it just wishful thinking. In my visions he is always in control, forceful, hungry for me, today he is no different. He pulls me towards him; our bodies flush against each other and he kisses me in such a way that it makes my whole body tremble. Only he does this to me and only he ever will. We both fumble at each other's clothes, groping awkwardly, desperately trying to get to the flesh underneath. When we both stand before each other naked the intense eagerness and the overwhelming desire to touch one another is impossible to ignore.
We are both frantic, touching, stroking, caressing, and kissing every single bit of skin. Both of us unable to resist the intense heat and the need for each other is immensely overpowering. He pushes me on the bed and looks at me from head to toe, smiling like all his Christmas's have come at once and looking back at him, I know mine have. His body is solid, muscular, he is hairy in places but the right places and his cock is just perfect. I lick my lips at the sight of him and he lets out a sexy growl and before I know it he is upon me, fulfilling me, pleasing me in every way that a person can be pleased.
He is deep inside me now and my head feels like it is going to explode. How can one person have the ability to make you feel so good? We fit together perfectly, like our bodies are made for the other, I've never felt so many feelings for one person before. Life doesn't get any better than this, you know with him this way. If I died now at least I would die happy. That is what I am when im with him infact im at my happiest, he completes me in every way. Im close to exploding over my hand as my vision of him becomes very real. He is thrusting into me wildly, pounding me so hard that I wonder if it will break me. He tells me that he's going to cum and he sounds so sexy, I love his voice, it does things to me. As we release together in my vision so do I alone in my bed. It's amazing how quickly reality sets in and how empty my arms feel without him to hold.
Nothing's the same since he's been gone from my life, it's like I'll never be the same person ever again. I feel ashamed that I still do this, still think of him this way but I love him, I think I will love him all my life. I reach for my phone and write a message to him, he won't understand it and I don't really want him to, I would have to explain myself then. I press send before I change my mind, it read…..
Tell me what can I do with these visions of you.
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