Resurrection
by Colorless Cat
Like in the anime, the titles in the story represent plant names in Latin. The meaning is reveal in the end of each chapter.
Chapter 1
Artemisia absinthium
It has been thirty years since I've lost Hagino, the girl I've loved. It hurts to know that I'll never see those blue eyes again that held the color of the ocean. Kaiho holds her spirit and our memories together. I miss her so much that I can no longer go on. Oh, Hagino, why did you have to leave me? Why?
Warm tears fall on my cheeks as they blurry my vision of the sea. The breeze kisses my cheeks softly—it feels like her lips. It almost feels like Hagino is standing beside me, but I know it's all an illusion. It's why I always swim to this rock, the spot where I had first seen her.
With my hand, I wipe off the tears and sigh heavily. I know there's no point of coming here anymore, but I can't help it. It's the only place where she's closer to my heart. I sit down on the rough surface and continue to stare at the waves. I wish… I wish that she will rise up from the water. I have dreams about it sometimes, but I know it's just wistful thinking. I know that Hagino will never come back.
When Tsubael told me that Hagino had died, I didn't believe her. But when I had aboard Blue, Hagino wasn't there. Tsubael said she was the new commander of the ship. Shocked that my lover was actually dead, I ran out. I ran and ran. I didn't want anyone to comfort me; it wouldn't do any good. She was gone. She was gone.
After I graduated from the academy, I kept in touch with Micchi, Hiroko, and Akane. As I expected, Micchi became a writer and Hiroko and Akane both became cooks. Miss Sagawara had been killed during the war between the humans and Arume. Later on, Micchi and I joined together with Tsubael and Azanael to fight against the other Arume. It has been several months now that we've made peace with Arume. Now, I am back on Earth, but I can't believe that I've survived throughout those painful years. But it doesn't matter; my life is still broken without Hagino. I'm dying inside.
Without Hagino, I have no future. I've been diagnosed with depression, but I've stopped visiting the therapist. Therapy hasn't worked for me.
It looks so easy to just give up everything right now. The water makes it so easy. I can imagine losing myself in the deep water and let death take care of me. At least I would see her, if an afterlife exists. I smile as I picture us together. Her lips on mine; her warm hand caressing my fingers. I can feel my hands stroking her beautiful face and her blue eyes smiling at me. My fingers on her silky black hair….
The image vanishes as a seagull soars by. I soon rise up to stretch my body. Before I leave the sea, I close my eyes and feel the breeze on my cheek one last time. She kisses me goodbye.
The 2029 spring sales are being advertised on television, but my dark brown eyes stare at the dull moving images. Slouching deeper into my couch, I finally decide to get up and go to my room.
Sitting on my desk is a photo of Hagino and me smiling at the camera. I gaze softly at her and touch the glass. The tears begin to form again in my eyes, and I let them fall. I drop down to my knees and sob quietly. I can't take this anymore. I can't live without Hagino anymore. How many more tears will I shed? If I don't end it all right now, I will continue to cry for the rest of my life.
I calm myself down as I clutch the picture closer to my chest. "Hagino," I whisper in the air. I am coming. I get up and walk toward my drawers. I pull out a small bottle of capsules and let the orange transparent bottle rest in my hand for a few minutes. I've decided. My grandparents are dead. What about Tsubael, Micchi, and the others? I hope they will get over it and know that I'm better off this way.
Without hesitation, I pop the many capsules in my mouth.
Separation and torment of love