So i don't know I feel bad because I've been really busy with school and I found this one shot on my phone from August so, enjoy. (;
It felt like we hadn't been this close in ages. We hadn't actually been open with each other since...when? Before I shot Shawn? Before she became Oscar's fiancé? I can't even remember.
"Mal, I've missed this so much."
"Missed what?"
"Us, just hanging out," she says. "It's nice."
I shake my head teasingly. "You just like that I got Chinese and you didn't have to pay."
She laughs and rolls her eyes. "You caught me. I'm using you for the food. Food, food, food!"
"So what's new in Natara Williams' life?" I ask seriously.
Her face falls slightly and she sets her fork down. "You know everything that's been going on with me." She glances ever-so-briefly at her engagement ring. "Mal," she says. "Will you tell me something honestly?"
"Swear on my life."
She smiles sadly. "What do you think about me getting married? To Oscar..."
"Oh." I clear my throat. "It's great. I'm so happy for you. I'm glad you found the person you want to spend your life with..."
"Mal," she reprimands quietly.
I sigh. "Honestly? I don't really care for him," I whisper. "But you do. And I think that's great..."
"Mal!" she says more firmly. "Please. The truth."
"I want you to be happy," I tell her. "He makes you happy. End of discussion." And I resume eating.
"You're so cheesy," she says, and picks up her fork again. "It's adorable."
My food doesn't make it to my mouth too quickly.
The next time I saw her beautiful brown eyes, they were full of water.
She left Oscar.
"I thought about what you said," she explains. "And I realized he didn't make me happy."
"I think you did the right thing," I say gently and hold her tight. "I'm proud of you."
She smiles against my chest through her tears.
"God, Mal," she says laughing slightly. "You're so sweet."
"I'm here for you, Nat. It's going to be okay. Want to talk about something else?"
"Yeah, alright. Tell me about your love life," she says. "What's going on with Mal Fallon?"
"Nothing." I sigh. "But I'm fine with that."
"Why? You deserve someone. Someone that knows you as well as I do. Someone that will make you happy." She frowns slightly.
"It looks like something just opened up."
"You're adorable, Mal." She laughs at the blush that creeps up my neck.
Every time she gave me the chance, I said nothing.
Every time she hinted that we could take a chance together, I ignored it.
Every time she complimented me, I brushed it off.
"So how does the great Mal Fallon get a girl?"
Chinese food again on the roof. A beautiful sunset past. Stars lining the sky. And a conversation I wished to avoid.
I clear my throat. "I don't really have a routine, really..."
"Oh, come on!" she teases. "You have to!"
"Every girl is different; special. They all have to be treated differently!"
"Oh Mal, please. Just show me."
I put my hand on her cheek and stroke it with my thumb. I pull her eyes to mine and she appears mesmerized, making me feel worse. This wasn't supposed to happen. It was supposed to be real, not role playing.
I lift my other hand and tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear and sigh.
"You look so beautiful tonight."
She stares at me for another few moments and we remain frozen. Slowly I pull my hands back and turn away, looking back at the sky. I watch her shake her head from the corner of my eye, her eyes sad and confused.
"And then," I say, surprising her. "I would kiss her, obviously."
She nods slightly. "Obviously," she murmurs.
This is another chance I was going to miss. I know it, but I'm not going to stop it. She is, though.
"Mal," she whispers. "Why haven't you asked me out?"
"What?" I ask, taken aback. Extremely so.
"We've known each other for over a year now. You flirt with, like, every girl. Why...why not me?" Her voice is hurt, broken. "Why haven't I been good enough? I've been trying to figure it out... But I can't."
A laugh plays at my lips and her eyes narrow. "You think...you think there's something wrong with you?!" I ask incredulously. "Natara, that is absolutely insane."
"Then why haven't you? You didn't even try. Ever."
"Nat, you're perfect. You're a thousand times smarter than I am. You're the...most beautiful woman I've ever known. You became my best friend. And I guess I never tried because I was intimidated. And I was scared I would screw it up."
"You aren't afraid of screwing it up with any of your other girlfriends."
"You're special," I say quietly. "You've always been special."
"Why?" she asks, genuinely curious now.
Now is my chance. Again. I actually feel like maybe I can do it. Maybe.
God damn it, why can't I tell her how I feel? She's just one woman... I've been with plenty. Why does she make me so crazy?
Do it, Mal. She's staring; she's waiting. She's upset; she thinks you don't like her because of something she did. Ready?
One. Her eyes were boring into mine, fighting off tears.
Two. We've been through so much. I can't lose her now. What if she doesn't feel the same way?
Three. It's too late now. The words are spilling out.
"Because I love you."