Unfeeling Foes
Audra stopped short startling her pony. The animal shook its head and snorted declaring its annoyance at being kept from its warm stall. She shushed it with a light tap on its velvety nose and listened. The sounds emanating from behind the barn that had caused her abrupt halt were animalistic, yet she could not rationalize the pounding that went along with them. A quick look around the darkened yard showed that there were no others present; it was Friday and most all the hands were in town and would not return until much later. While that suited the young woman, she would not be caught sneaking back in after her moonlight ride, it also made her feel very much alone with whatever the cause of the screaming was. She tied the horse to the barn door and crept around the building toward the horrible cries. What she saw sucked the wind from her lungs and she threw her shaking hand in front of her mouth to squelch the gasp that threatened escape.
It was Heath. Bare to the waist, drenched in sweat and pounding his bare fists mercilessly against the wooden structure as he screamed unintelligibly. Audra's first instinct was to rush to her new brother. She had seen tantrums thrown by some of the more problematic children at the orphanage but none of those compared to what the young woman was witnessing now. This was beyond anger, beyond terror it bordered on, in her naïve mind, sheer madness. It was that implied madness that halted her steps. Nick had cautioned them that the boy was probably mad, driven there by the horrors of his life but none of the family could bear to heed the gruff cowboys warning. Not Heath. Not with those crystal blue eyes that radiated nothing more than innocence and hurt. Mad, that the young man was mad was inconceivable to them. Audra herself had been Heath's most vocal defender, yet now, as she watched…she had to wonder. Heath's actions transcended being simply upset; he was obviously blinded by some far more heinous demon. Audra had punched her brother's before and an occasional pushy beau, she knew the ache of a fist crashing into something hard. How, she wondered incredulously, could Heath be suffering such a pounding, a self inflicted pounding and not be put off by the pain? It was madness plain and simple.
As she watched he seemed to slow a bit, then dropping to his knees tipped his sopping wet head forward until his chin rested on his heaving chest. The sudden silence sent shivers down Audra's spine. She spun round when her pony whinnied for lack of her attention. Once again she started forward but the young man's private tirade began anew; only this time the screams were more like hoarse, guttural sobs and Heath battered the barn wall with both fists simultaneously swinging his arms back over his head then driving them forward at the wall. Over and over and over again his already battered hands pummeled the immovable foe as Audra watched frozen in place. 'Please stop Heath, oh please, please, please stop this, Heath!' She pleaded with him silently. Tears blurred her vision of the tormented young man and she longed to go to his side but fear and Nick's harsh warning held her firmly in place, forced to merely observe her beloved brother's self inflicted agony.
Then it was over. Heath fell forward until his forehead rested on the sandy ground and stayed hunched over with his exhausted arms cris-crossed on his thighs, unmoving. In the spattering of moonlight that weaved its way through the trees Audra could see the terrible scarring that marred Heath's sweat slick back grim reminders of the demons that haunted the man. Heath's chest heaved as he sucked in huge gasps of air; then finally he turned to his left, leaned back against the barn, drew his knees up tight beneath his chin, laid his head on his arms and slowly tried to get control.
'I shouldn't be here. I should not have seen this. I'm so sorry Heath.' With that whispered apology Audra turned and fled into the house, her pony forgotten.
Audra lay awake in bed anxiously listening, despite knowing that the young man could move about like a ghost, for the sound of Heath's bare footfalls in the hallway. As she stared at the moon shadows dancing on her ceiling she plotted out how she might approach her distraught brother as he made his way to bed. Each plan she devised she tossed away. Heath would see through her façade, sneaking out for moonlit rides was one thing but lying to Heath was another. Audra resolved to be content with simply hearing him come in and go to bed. Consumed with worry she took up her pearl Rosary and whispered her way round the soothing chain of beads. If she couldn't help her brother then maybe God would.
It was her mother's voice that woke her and Audra cursed herself for dozing off her Rosary unfinished. How could she slight Heath with such weakness and better still, why was Victoria up at such a late hour? The house was deathly quiet so it was not a drunken Nick's loud mouth waking her up; then what? Audra slipped from her bed tossed on a light robe and tip toed to the door. She placed her ear to the deftly carved barrier and listened.
"Heath dear, is that you in the tub this late? Heath?" Victoria's soothing voice called through the bathroom door.
Audra couldn't hear Heath's reply so she carefully slipped open her bedroom door just enough to peer down the long hallway.
"Took a fall you say? Gal stumbled. Muddy spot?"
Despite the horror of the evening Audra was forced to stifle a chuckle. 'Mud? Silly Heath, it hasn't rained a drop in weeks. You're in for it now.' Sure enough Victoria picked up on the error. She hadn't raised three rambunctious boys and a spirited daughter and not learned a few things about tale telling.
"Mud Heath?" Victoria questioned tilting her head a bit to the left and placing her hands on the pine door palms flat as if trying feel or sense what was going on the opposite side of the portal. All her motherly instincts screamed that something more was going on here. "Heath dear there's been no rain in, well maybe an isolated shower. As long as you and Gal are alright. Heath?" She let him off the hook. Another pause, then "Do you need anything son?"
Audra could tell by Victoria's tone of voice and stance that the woman was on the verge of barging into the bathroom. If she didn't do that then Heath would surely have his hands full come morning when Victoria began her inquisition about the night's events. Audra felt badly for the man. He was tormented enough and her mother needed to give him time to settle down.
"Mother? What is it? Is one of the boys hurt?"
"No dear." The older woman replied turning from the door. "Its Heath, took a fall he's muddy, but claims to be alright."
Claims, yes as Audra suspected her mother felt that Heath was lying. Just then the bathroom door opened and Heath stepped out. For an instant Audra panicked. His hands, how would he hide his hands? She looked at his face, then down at his hands and saw that his arms were full of his clothes, his battered hands adroitly bundled within them. What shocked her was the large purple bruise in the center of his forehead. It was swollen and the skin had split. Audra knew instinctively that the wound was the result of him battering the wall with his head.
"Oh Heath!" Victoria gasped reaching out to touch the nasty gash. Heath recoiled, and then regretted the action. Victoria stepped back and gave her new son a bit of space. "I'm sorry dear that was presumptuous of me. A mother's instinct." She smiled at him and tried to take the bundle of clothes. "I'll send them down for Silas to wash."
"No, no mame I'll take care of them. Muddy mess. You be filthy."
"Yes Heath, muddy, of course, I'd forgotten the mud." She scrutinized the boy with a look that Audra knew sent shivers down the other children's spines. But Heath stood firm in the inspection, never wavering.
"I'm to bed mame if ya don't mind. Long week." Heath mumbled stepping around the two women.
"Certainly. Your home early Heath. Things go well in town?"
The exhausted man stopped short. "Well enough, Mame. I'm just not one for all that noise and hoopla. Night." Then he shuffled down the hall to his room.