Summary: Because Sam has fallen to his knees and the red on his shirt is blossoming across his chest like a vibrant flower, Ruby's screaming but Lilith isn't dead and Dean doesn't feel like he's saved the world. (AU 4x22 oneshot. T for language and dark themes.)

Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine.

Author's note at the end!

vo·cif·er·ous-

loud, insistent

Protect your brother Dean.

Watch out for Sammy.

But Sam made it so difficult. The secrecy, the betrayal, the lies, and Dean couldn't just forget anything. Sam picked Ruby over his own brother, his own flesh and blood, the one person who was always there for him, the one person who practically raised him and always put him first because that was his job dammit and he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Then Castiel came along, and by saving Dean from Hell, Dean thought maybe he could save Sam. (Dean couldn't make it a day without his brother and didn't even want to think about the four months Sam went through alone. It didn't matter, in the end, and with the memories of Hell tormenting him he wouldn't have been able to help his brother anyway. Maybe that's why Sam developed something akin to a Messiah complex and felt it was his job to get rid of all the evil in the world, even-especially-if that included himself.)

As the Righteous Man everyone told him he had to end it all, the fate of Heaven was in his hands, if he didn't stop Sammy then the angels would, and Dean is cruelly reminded of his father's last words. They were basically saying the same thing, even if the angels weren't as direct. He couldn't decide if that was better or worse than John ordering him to protect or kill his own baby brother.

With all of this swirling in his head it was impossible to concentrate, but Dean is aware of the fact that he burst through the church doors with Sam and Ruby's backs turned, their attention focused on a woman leaning against the altar. Despite how different she looks, Dean instantly knows it's Lilith, and she's choking, meaning Sammy is actually killing her and oh God the final seal will be broken.

Sam heard the door opening and apparently so did Ruby. She spun and gaped at him, hand raised to toss him across the room with her powers. The look on her face would've been funny if it had been any other time and Dean would've insulted her or at the very least smirked at his ability to shock the demon. However, his attention is drawn elsewhere, namely his brother.

Because he has demon eyes.

There is a painful look of hope on Sam's face and Dean doubts he is even aware of just how far he's gone, how far he's fallen. Maybe he doesn't even know that his eyes have gone completely black, but that doesn't change a thing, because now Sammy is a monster and Dean can't just let him walk out of that church with him by his side. Dean doesn't think Sammy can be forgiven at this point, much less saved.

So before he has second thoughts, before Sam can open his mouth to speak to him, Dean has drawn his gun and fired off a singular shot. His brother's body jerks but he doesn't seem aware that his chest is bleeding. A look of confusion dawns over him and almost immediately his eyes turn back to their normal hazel color, clouding over with pain his body can't even register. The blood begins to spread across his shirt like a vibrant, tropical flower that Dean wouldn't know the name of but Sam undoubtedly would have. Ruby screams, her eyes wide with fury, but Dean also thinks he sees that she's slightly horrified. Never would she have imagined one of the Winchester brothers shoot the other with all intentions of inflicting death.

She smokes out of her vessel and Dean is almost relieved she does so because if he got his hands on her for what she did to Sam, he would've done things even Alistair would have trembled at the thought of.

Sam falls to his knees and Dean darts forward, unaware of the choking sob that is ripping at his throat. His disgust bubbles in his stomach like a physical being and he knew that if he had eaten anything in that golden room up in Heaven he would've lost it the second he barged through those doors. His hands tangle in Sam's jacket and just like in Cold Oaks he's supporting his brother's weight as he bleeds out in his grasp.

There are garbled words coming from Sam and Dean can imagine him saying something like it's okay, I forgive you because it's just like Sam to say something so girly. It wouldn't matter what he said and Dean would never forgive himself for whatever short time he might have left on this shitty planet.

Dean wonders if he'll see Sam down in Hell after he dies. Maybe it's ironic but he can't think straight and the only thing running through his head is how much pain he's really in even though he was the one behind the trigger and Sam was the one who took the bullet for him.

His hands are supporting Sam's limp head as it rests on his shoulder. Sam is dying if he isn't already gone and Ruby's shriek is still ringing in his head. Lilith is incoherent from what Dean can see over Sam's kneeling body, but incoherent means alive, which means Lucifer is still where he belongs. It doesn't feel like a victory.

Dean doesn't feel like he has saved the world.

Because Sammy was his world.

And it bled out right alongside him.

Maybe if Dean screams loud enough the angels in Heaven will hear him.

Author's Note: Definitely proud of this piece! Now do I believe Dean would ever kill Sam? No. Never. Hence the INCREDIBLY AU part of this. Also, if I got anything wrong from 4x22, feel free to point it out. I haven't seen season 4 in a while because I tend to avoid rewatching it. (It's really painful and makes me cry.)