Brand New Eyes
Summary:
A series of one-shots, each inspired by a track off Paramore's album, Brand New Eyes.
One: Careful
Rosalie's POV:
No matter how many times I did this, I would never get used to it. Not ever. The thrill would never fade; I'd never get bored of the warm, tingling feeling the spotlights left on my skin as they danced across the stage; I'd never get sick of the noise ringing in my ears: the screaming crowd, begging for an encore, and the left over buzz and throb of the final guitar chord and the last, strong drum beat.
It was all something that I'd experienced countless times before over the past two years, but every time it felt new and fresh, like the first time I'd realised that my dream had come true, that I'd found my haven in the ultimate rebellion.
It was all so perfect, and so far from my old life as a rich kid. As the rest of the band launched into the intro for Paramore's Careful, and the crowd whooped for the encore song that they knew so well, I couldn't help but laugh with pure ecstasy. The grin was still wide on my face as I belted out the meaningful lyrics of my favourite song.
"I settled down, a twisted up frown,
Disguised as a smile, well,
You would have never known!"
The lyrics reminded me so much of my old feelings of turmoil, and my new feelings of elation; they also reminded me of my brother and sister, and the uncontrollable exasperation and anxiety and hatred I felt towards them.
"I had it all, but not what I wanted,
'Cause hope for me was a place uncharted, and over grown!"
When I'd been a rich kid, living the 'perfect' life, with 'perfect' clothes, I'd wanted nothing more than to break free; the explore a land where my 'amazing' 'talented' 'brilliant' father had never dared to tread: I'd wanted to be a rock star.
"You'd make your way in,
I'd resist you just like this:
You can't tell me to feel!
The truth never set me free,
So I did it myself..."
And I did; I did all of this myself: I taught myself to sing and I walked out of town. I left, discarding my past and my old life by the roadside somewhere between my father's mansion and the nearby city.
"You can't be too careful anymore,
When all that is waiting for you,
Won't come any closer!
You've got to reach out a little more,
More, More,
More, More..."
Memories of my brother, Jasper, flashed before my eyes: he'd rebelled, but uselessly. He hadn't aimed for anything, hadn't fought for anything. He'd just sunk further and further down into nothing. He gave up school, like I did. He left home, like I did. But, after he did those things, he just... stopped. He moved in with a crowd of guys his age, and they spent their days watching shit TV and drinking beer, and they spent their nights out on the town, picking up sleazy girls and getting drunk.
"Open your eyes,
Like I opened mine!
It's only the real world,
A life you will never know!"
I always imagined singing those words to him; screaming them in his drunken, unshaven face. I wanted to give him a kick up the ass and yell at him to get his life on track and figure out who he was going to be. Because I knew he could be something amazing: he'd been a really promising actor, before he gave up everything. He was wasting himself every time he got wasted; I could feel my awesome, hilarious brother slipping away from em every second, and it made me want to cry out in pain and anguish.
"Shifting your weight,
To throw off the pain,
Well, you can ignore it,
But only for so long!
You look like I did,
You resist me just like this:
You can't tell me to heal!
And it hurts remembering
How it felt to shut down..."
That verse made me think of my sister, Bella, and the downward spiral of her life: she was still with my parents – if they deserve that title – and she was lost. She had no aims, and so she was conforming; trying desperately to fit in to my parents' fancy world of parties, when she was the only one of us who never could. She felt the pressure of the pretty dresses that didn't quite fit her, and the make-up that didn't suit her face, so she starved herself. Slowly, her body and mind were going to consume themselves. When I saw her, I saw myself many years ago, before I figured out where I was headed and what I wanted. Except, on her, it was magnified, because she had nowhere to go, and no way to find out what her path was, never mind get onto it and start waking. She was even more wasted than my brother, and I felt like I was already mourning her death.
"You can't be too careful anymore,
When all that is waiting for you,
Won't come any closer!
You've got to reach out a little more,
More, more,
More, more..."
I realised that I was crying them; my eyes were wet and warm with tears that slithered down my cheeks. My throat felt choked and it ached, but I kept singing; I kept singing for my brother and my sister, because, somehow, I felt like they were here, watching me, and they needed to hear the words.
"The truth never set me free,
The truth never set me free,
The truth never set me free,
So, I'll do it myself..."
My weeping eyes scanned the crowd, and then they froze. They were here. Jasper and Bella: they were here, staring up at me. It felt like there was a spotlight on them, not me; I stared into their eyes, which were the same colour as mine, and I sang the last chorus to them and them alone. There was no audience here anymore; it was just us three, with these words and these tears.
"You can't be too careful anymore,
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer!
You've got to reach out
Can't be too careful anymore,
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer!
You've got to reach out
More, more,
More, more,
More."
On the last word, my eyes drifted shut. That word meant everything; it meant every feeling in the entire song and so much more; it was a plea to my siblings to save themselves; it was a promise to myself to live the best I could for the three of us; it was an apology for ever time I'd ever done them wrong.
It was my whole heart, all wrapped up in one word. And, as my eyes opened again to the applause of the crowd and the anxious, sympathetic smiles of my band mates, I realised that I'd just given my heart to the entire world.
A/N:
Hey. I hope you liked that. I'll post the chapter inspired by Ignorance soon. Oh, and I know the ending doesn't tell you what happens next, and there are two reasons for that: One, the song cuts off at the end, so we don't know what happens to the people that the song's about; two, if I'd carried on writing it would have ruined it. So, it's down to you to imagine what happens next.