I've been down so low, people look at me, and they know. They can tell something is wrong. Like I don't belong

By just glancing at me, you can tell. You can tell I'm… different. I don't belong here. They can tell, that something's wrong with me. They see me and make snap judgments.

Well, staring through a window, standing outside, they're just to happy to care tonight, I want to be like them, but I'll mess it up again

I see her there with KC, she's smiling and genuinely happy. Sometimes, I can see a glimmer of something in her eyes. Something I can't define. But it's definitely not happiness. Who am I kidding? I'm probably just delusional. But I want to kiss her lips, touch her hand, and stroke her hair. I'm just afraid. Afraid I'll mess it up and she'll be just like Julia. No. I can't hurt anyone else. That's what's holding me back. That and the fact she has boyfriend, that is.

I tripped my way in, got kicked outside everybody saw.

Fitz. The word tastes like dirt in my mouth. No words can describe how much I despise him.

"Hey, emo boy!"

"What do you want, Fitzy boy?" I sigh.

The next thing I knew I was down on the hard linoleum floor, blood gushing out of my nose. Fitz got suspended, but I got a broken nose.

Cuz everybody knows, but nobody knows, how to make it work or how to ease the hurt.

"Eli… I know how you feel." Clare tries to say slowly, trying to calm me. I'm a mess. My hands are shaking wildly. I had a breakdown. I lashed out at Clare. My head is spinning. I can hardly focus.

"No! No! No, you don't. NO ONE DOES! You don't know how it feels to be terrified of going to school, because of a stupid bully! You don't know how it feels to have a girlfriend who's haunting you! Intoxicating you. Telling you your making a mistake, falling for another girl! I can't even have you! You… you have KC!"

Clare stared at me, open mouthed. It took me a minute, but I figured out what happened. I told her everything. Everything. Even that I like her. What had I done? I messed up a great friendship, I messed up my life, this always happens.

"Clare, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I know you have KC. You probably hate me. I'm sorr-"

She slowly leaned forward.

"Wha-what are you doing?"

5…4…3…2..

She crushed her lips over mine. I was surprised at first, but slowly my arms snaked around her waist. Sadly, we lacked oxygen. I removed my lips from hers, our foreheads still touching.

"What was that, Edwards?" I smirked.

"I broke up with KC. He... cheated on me. With Jenna."

"Oh, Clare... I'm so sorry."

"I didn't know that when I broke up with him. I broke up with him, because… I like someone else."

She likes someone else? God. We will always be friends.

"Well…then why did you kiss me? If you like someone else?"

Clare giggled. I gave her a confused look. She leaned in, like she was going to kiss me again. But she went past my lips and whispered in my ear,

"You are such an idiot. I like you, Eli. That's why I broke up with KC."

She pulled back, biting her lip. A smile was playing at her lips.

"So… you like me?" I smirked.

"Don't let your ego crush you, Eli."

"I won't…girlfriend."

Clare smiled wide and I kissed her again. Clare Edwards was mine. She was mine. Julia can't haunt me any