A/N
Hello everyone! It's Missydee and my EvyKins! So...it's safe to say that my Disneyland trip went well. Although well is an understatement! LOL. After all I am still alive! And surprisingly enough, I'm still a free man (woman) No jailtime for me! (Although Makesmyheadspin and Kjwrit did have bail money saved up!) It's safe to say Evy and me together is not legal...

Not in the least...

So here we have a little number we thought up while plotting the maid cart raid at the California Adventure hotel bar... wait, that's 2 plots at once, I think we're professional multi-taskers! Anywho... Xoxoxo's! We hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Not ours, no Eric's, Sookie's, Amelia's or Tara's were hurt in the process.

"Oh my God! That's Alex," I whisper-yelled across the wooden table. The small café was packed; filled with avid Angelinos who weren't the least bit fazed by the hustle and bustle of the usual Joan's crowd whereas Amelia and I were completely overwhelmed and stood out like tourists. We may as well have been wearing "I heart L.A." t-shirts.

She jumped, and turned around. "Where?! Where is he!?"

"Right there, eight o'clock. Don't be so obvious," I chided.

Amelia turned in her chair, attempting to appear nonchalant when in all actuality she couldn't have been more conspicuous.

"Wait, Aunt Louise? Why are you fangirling over my Aunt Louise?" she asked, clearly confused that Alex wasn't a hot man. "Why are we staring at her?"

"That's Alex Guarnaschelli! She's on Food Network! She's evil and I love it! She's like the Simon Cowell of food judging. She always makes this face and you never know what she's going to say. She's competing on The Next Iron Chef right now too. AND SHE'S EATING AT JOAN'S... TEN FEET AWAY FROM ME! I love her, she's..."

"She's a hag is what she is," Amelia finished my sentence for me. "She just turned away when she saw my camera. Who does she think she is? She's on the Food Network for crying out loud. In 10 years she will have to beg people to take her picture."

"Well, she is eating a cupcake the size of my head. That screams I'm unhappy with life," I told her; a little distraught that Alex Guarnaschelli was such a c-word. Boo.

We finished our lunch and afterwards Amelia chronicled the entire experience in pictures which I loved. We walked to the car while searching the faces of every other patron sitting outside of Joan's and walking past us for the elusive Eric Northman. We weren't necessarily on a mission to find him, but if it happened we would happily beg for a picture. That's when my phone laughed at me. My text tone was a clip of his beautiful, sexy laugh. I opened my messaging app to see it was from Tara.

T: 3231 Kirkwood Dr.

S: What?!

T: Find his house. That is his address.

S: You're lying!

T: Nope. Just tell me when you're there.

"Amelia, Tara just sent me his address... His. Address. Where he lays his beautiful head!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Put it in the Garmin!" she squeaked while bouncing in her seat. The traffic in L.A. was atrocious and Amelia's driving was terrifying me.

"Calm. Down! I can't die before I see his home!" As I said this she whipped around and did a U-turn in the middle of Santa Monica Blvd... clearly unfazed by the oncoming traffic. She waved at the people honking as though it negated the fact that she almost killed seventeen people in the process. I had my face buried in my hands while she drove as though her mid-sized SUV was a military tank crafted of bulletproof armor. Terrifing!

"I need gas! We can't run out gas before we get there!" She whipped into the gas station without a trouble in the world until she ended up behind a white Toyota Corolla with this man holding his ear talking to someone like he was aboard the S.S. Enterprise.

We waited...

And waited...

"That guy is eating a sandwich!" Amelia exclaimed.

"No! Not the guy in the Toyota?" I looked up from my phone and the map to Eric's house.

"No. The guy in front of him started his gas and is sneaking bites of his sub. Ugh!" she let out a deep groan. "I could be in front of Toyota boy and if Toyota boy doesn't hurry up I'm going to punch him in his ball sac." Amelia said completely serious. I looked at her like she was crazy before I doubled over in laughter. As much as I loved Eric Northman, this would not be possible without this crazy woman that I loved so very much. She was insane and beautiful. She made me happier than finding Eric Northman's house would ever make me. She just didn't know it. Things progressed and we ended up in the spot of the sandwich guy as Toyota boy continued talking into his hand. People are strange, I'll give you that.

Once the tank was full I sent Tara a text message.

S: We are on our way to the address...right this second.

T: Squee! It's a gated neighborhood. Will you be able to get in?

S: I have no clue. Amelia is determined.

A few minutes passed before I heard from Tara again. The entire time Amelia was talking and bouncing while my heart started to beat faster and faster. I had no idea what to expect or if we would even be able to get to the house.

T: Lick him for me if he's there! *tastes like swedish flavored heaven*

S: Of course I'll lick him as Amelia climbs him.

I laughed about our exchange which didn't amuse Amelia one bit.

"Hey! Share the texting fun," she pouted. "After all I am driving you on this crazy mission."

I gave her a play by play which had us both giggling like school girls, but as soon as we started heading up the scary, windy road to Eric's house the energy in the car changed. I don't know if it was adrenaline, and I can't vouch for Amelia, but my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.

Thankfully speed racer had lifted her foot off the gas petal just a bit and for the first time since we'd been in the car, she was actually driving slow. I think it was because we both wanted to take in every little bit of scenery around us and as we drove by each house I could barely whisper the addresses out loud, knowing we were getting closer and closer with each passing second.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh... are we here, is this it?" she asked.

"Yes. We're here." I was more than certain that the sound of both our heartbeats was clear as day as she slowly pulled into his driveway and stopped the car.

Wait.

She drove into his driveway and stopped the car?

"What. The. Hell?" I asked, knowing full and well she had no intention of actually getting out of the car. Well, I take that back. Knowing Amelia and seeing her in action the night before I realized it was basically a crapshoot at this point.

There was NO telling what that girl was capable of.

She looked at me with an incredulous look while answering calmly, "Ummm...I'm getting out of the car so that we can go to the front door. You didn't think we were driving all this way just to spy from across the street did you?" With that she grabbed her camera phone and headed towards his house.

S: She's walking up to his front door RIGHT NOW!

S: I'm about to throw up!

T: Swallow! It's what he'll want you to do later!

I sat in the car in shock. It was almost like that scene from 'Friends' when Rachel is desperate for Josh's attention and she realizes her sexy black dress isn't working so she has a major brain malfunction and throws on her cheerleading outfit to impress him. Monica attempts to stop her, but in all actuality, she'd rather see the outcome than save her friend from further humiliation. Honestly, I could see Monica's point of view myself and at this point I was just wishing on a lucky star that I didn't have to witness Amelia cheering in the driveway although I could see it playing out in my head as clear as day.

"Give me an E...E"

"Give me an R...R"

"Give me an I...I"

"Give me a C...C"

"What does that spell? Eric, Eric, Ericccccc..."

Because heck, at that point I'd have to get out of the car to catch her crazy ass while she tumbled down his long driveway attempting a cartwheel in her three inch heels.
I was pulled away from my thoughts when I heard her knock on the front door.
Knocking.... on Eric Northman's door.

Was she insane? Wait, we've already established that. Yes, why yes she most certainly was. I've just now realized I don't know the extent of said insanity.

There was silence for a few minutes and then it happened again.

"Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock."

I wasn't sure which was louder, my heartbeat, the pounding in my head or Amelia and her persistence to get Eric to open up his front door.

All I was trying to do was catch my breath and remain calm...until I saw her and she was frantically motioning for me to 'come here'.

I threw my hands up and gave her a WTH face as I mouthed "WHY?" She scowled and motioned again.

I got out of the car slowly and tentatively made my way up the drive.

"Don't worry, he's not here but we are getting pictures by his front door." At this point I realized she had been peeking inside to check for any sort of movement and the front part of his house was clearly visible from the open glass windows.
I have to say, very sleek. Very Norwegian. It was almost like looking at an Ikea commercial.

"Okay so grab his doorknob and let me take your picture," she said in the same tone as though she just asked me for a piece of gum. How she wasn't fazed, I'd never understand.

I slowly reached out my hand and with one finger touched the knob which only made her laugh. I don't know why she's laughing, this is fingerprint evidence. I'm going to prison!

"No! We're here. It's a once in a lifetime experience. Grab hold of the knob like you're opening the door."

For a short thing, she sure can be bossy.

However, once I saw the picture I could have hugged the life out of her because I have to admit I looked adorable and right at home, holding onto Eric's doorknob. Hahaha, Eric's doorknob.

I took a step away from the door and looked around, into the windows and pretty much stood in awe. I was at Eric Northman's front door. It was too surreal. I couldn't believe it, or stand it any longer. I was certain the neighbors would come out any moment or call the cops on us. I went back to the car as fast as possible, expecting Amelia to follow so we could leave but no. She told me she was going to check the side of the house.

I didn't know what to do, so I texted Tara.

S: She's in his backyard! She's insane! He's not here though.

T: O.M.G. Hahaha will you be waiting or just breaking and entering?

T: Maybe he's inside masturbating. Tell her to peek into the windows. Or climb a tree and look into his rooftop pool.

When she came out I was laughing at Tara and shaking like a leaf in the passenger seat. "Look!" Amelia said, showing me her phone. The view from his backyard was gorgeous, but seriously. She was IN HIS BACKYARD. SNAPPING PICTURES. What kind of person does that?! An awesomely crazy one that makes every day an adventure, that's who! I knew there was a reason I loved Amelia. I would've never done something like that, ever and Ames was just the person to pull me out of my shell.

The street was so narrow we had to pull around to the back of his house to turn around, but on the way we stopped again. At his mailbox. "Open it," Amelia said as we pulled up next to it.

"NO! That's… wrong," I replied, I was still staring at the matte metal box with the number 3231 engraved on the front. And then I did it, I opened the box and sadly there was only a magazine sitting in there.

"Grab it! Look at it, does it have his name?" She questioned. I took it and we sat silently in the car staring at it. "Should we take it?"

"We already have it…" We pulled forward into the back drive at his house, stopped to take one more picture and then turned to drive away with his magazine.

We were felons.

We drove out of his neighborhood, slowly while I stared at his magazine. I loved his magazine… but we were felons.

"We should take it back," Amelia said. She was right; our souvenir would be the pictures, not the mail.

So we did. We took it back and I didn't feel any more comfortable than I did when I was taking it. The whole thing was terrifying, but it happened and I could never thank Ames enough. We decided to go look at the Hollywood sign and on the way there I spotted a grocery store, one that I knew he'd been photographed in so we stopped. As we walked through the freezing cold tundra that was my favorite actor's grocery spot I suddenly realized we were living a day in the life of Eric Northman.

This is only part one of the stalking. It's insane, we know, but it's been a blast to write. Just a heads up, we ARE NOT stalkers! This is purely FICTION!

We decided life's too short to take it so seriously. Our imaginations sometimes get the better of us and put two Eric obsessed girls in a bar with lots and lots of beer and this is what happens... BTW, somehow we ended up with a 'grow your own tree in a jar'... More to come on the Disney fun in the next installment of our lovely 2 shot.

Enjoy!