Damn, here I promised myself that I would never write a sad story and then RaiseCandles comes along with this idea and I just had to write it. But since I've never written a story like this it is probably terribly corny and I can promise to never write something like this again if you want. -_-;
This story is for RaiseCandles. I hope you like it.
With a tired sigh Xiahou Dun enters his room, closing the door on another lonely day in a world full of happy people. It has been almost three months Cao Cao died and his world hasn't been the same ever since.
Taking off his shoes Xiahou Dun lies down on his bed, hoping that sleep will claim him soon this night. But it never does.
It was almost easy at the beginning, the people of Wei were lamenting the death of their king and Xiahou Dun was one of them. But then the world moved on, Cao Pi is now king of Wei, holding feasts and preparing his army for conquest while the people are celebrating their new leader.
And Xiahou Dun is left behind, alone with his grief.
Since the day Cao Cao died there has been nothing but emptiness inside him and no feast or title, nothing a living person can do will be able to change that. The day his lover died was the day his world collapsed.
He feels a tear roll slowly down his cheek, followed by another and before he knows it he is crying freely, mourning the fact that his lover is dead while he is still alive. Mourning that he couldn't even say goodbye.
Suddenly there is a hand wiping away the tears on his cheek. "Don't cry Yuanrang."
Slowly Xiahou Dun opens his eye. There, sitting right next to him on the mattress is Cao Cao. Not the old man with gray hair and pale face that is haunted by the ghosts of his past. No, this here is a young man in his prime, strong, proud and oh so beautiful.
He looks up into a gentle face smiling softly. There are so many things he wants to say, but there is only one that comes out.
"You left me."
Cao Cao's smile gets sad. "My time was up, I didn't have a choice."
"You left me. You left me and now I'm all alone."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you. But even when I'm gone you are not alone. There are people that need you. You can't just throw away your life by mourning the dead forever. You have to move on and live."
But Xiahou Dun gently shakes his head. "I have nothing left to live for."
"You do. You are one of the greatest generals this country ever had. The people respect you, they love you. You are almost like a second father to Cao Pi. All the responsibility rests on his shoulders now. He will look to you for advise. This country needs you Yuanrang."
"And what about what I need? I couldn't even say goodbye to you." It was his own fault, really, but it still hurts.
"I know. I was waiting for you, but you never came. I really wanted to see you one last time."
Xiahou Dun lowers his gaze. "I was on my way to you, but then in front of your tent… I just…"
And hand strokes softly over his cheek. "You don't have to explain, they told me. And I don't blame you. It must have been hard for you."
"You have no idea." It's barely a whisper, but he knows that Cao Cao understands every word.
"I wish I could have spared you this pain but there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to leave you either."
"I know." Of course he knows it, knows that his lover never would leave him like that if he had a choice, but that doesn't dull the pain in his heart.
One of Cao Cao's hands slips underneath Dun's robe, softly stroking over his chest. "But I am here now and we can finally say goodbye."
Dun doesn't resist when the hand on his chest slides down. The rope around his waist is removed and his robe is pushed aside, revealing a body that Xiahou Dun knows is starting to show its age: his hair is gray, his build is getting smaller each day and there life has left its marks everywhere.
"You are still so beautiful and strong, just like on the day I met you. So perfect."
When he looks up he sees the admiration is his lovers eyes. "I am old. My body is full of scars."
"Scars you got for me, and that makes them beautiful."
Then a mouth is on his, silencing his protest. It's not like Xiahou Dun doesn't believe the other, but somehow he need the reassurance that even after all this years his lover still finds him desirable.
Then Cao Cao is on him, lying on top of him completely naked and Xiahou Dun can feel how much his lover still desires him. Cao Cao's body is hot against his skin and he can feel his own body react, his lust growing with ever move the other makes, with every touch of their tongues as they explore each other's mouth like it was their first kiss. He feels a fire inside him that he thought he would never feel again after his lover's death.
Soon Xiahou Dun can't take it anymore and rolls them over, covering the smaller man with his body. He hears Cao Cao groan at his weight but he isn't concerned as the noise is clearly one of pleasure. Cao Cao's hands wander all over his back, exploring skin that they have touched countless times before but never seem to get tired of.
Reluctantly Xiahou Dun breaks their kiss to lift Cao Cao's hips as he positions himself and then slowly pushes inside. There is a small hitch in Cao Cao's breathing but when he looks up there is no pain on his lover's face, just the pure bliss of their two bodies joining, becoming one again. Then he begins to move. Cao Cao arms wrap tightly around his back, pulling them closer together as Xiahou Dun sets a slow and gentle rhythm, trying to express all of his emotions in this one simple act of love. And he is sure that Cao Cao understands them all.
Reaching down with one hand Xiahou Dun starts to stroke his lover as he whispers sweet nothings into the other's ear. It doesn't take long until Cao Cao gives a small moan and he feels the other finding release between their bodies only moments before Xiahou Dun spills deep inside his lover with a silent cry.
Carefully he pulls out and collapses next to his lover, his head blessedly free of thoughts for a few short moments.
But all too soon he is brought back to the cold world around him. Cao Cao is sitting next to him once more, fully dressed and looking down at him with a gaze full of love. A hand strokes over his cheek again.
"You have to promise me that you will live again."
Xiahou Dun covers the other's hand with his own. "I promise."
Smiling gently Cao Cao gives him one last kiss before he is gone.
For a long time Xiahou Dun just stares at the place his lord sat only moments ago and again he starts to cry. This will be the first time he breaks a promise that he made to his lover but he just can't go on like this. Maybe the country needs him, but the only thing he ever needed was taken from him.
Smiling Xiahou Dun closes his eye.
He knows that soon he will be with his Cao Cao again. And this time they will have forever.