Waffle Expeditions
Behind the coverage of an orange, spiral mask, a mouth hung agape. What proceeded to pour from the lips that were also veiled by the mask was a hushed "Oh Em Gee…"
"What are you going on about now, un?" Deidara asked the wearer of the orange mask, although he wasn't truly enthusiastic about anything Tobi had to say.
It was a cold morning, the kind that nipped angrily at the skin of anyone that threatened to step pass their doorsteps any earlier that 11a.m.; and for that very reason, many of the Akatsuki members though it best to stay indoors until the sun thoroughly warmed the earth.
Kisame had originally threw on his "Kiss the Cook" apron with the soul intention of whipping himself and Itachi some tasty waffles for breakfast, but others started to rise and crowd the dining table, and was soon swamped with the task of preparing waffles for everyone.
Tobi had just been served his helping of waffles when Kisame knowingly slipped him a yellow flyer.
"Oh Em Gee, OH EM GEE, OMG!" Tobi squealed again, this time louder and more annoyingly to Deidara.
"I knew you'd be excited about it," Kisame grinned and he turned back to the hot stove. "Do you wanna go?"
"DOES TOBI EVER!"
"What the hell? Go where?" Deidara hissed from across the table.
Completely ignoring the blond's menacing interrogation, Kisame and Tobi continued to converse.
"Then get Deidara over here to take you. I'm sure he'd enjoy the little date."
"Hell no, un!" said blond growled. "Over my dead body will I take him on a 'date'! Don't volunteer me for things without my consent!"
Panicked, Tobi cried. "Seeeeeeeeeenpaaaaaaaaaai! We HAVE to go! This is a ONCE IN A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY!"
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE FUCK IT IS YOU'RE TRYING TO GO!" Deidara yelled back at the hysterical boy.
"Seconds, please." Itachi interjected. He really didn't care what was going on, as long as he was adequately fed.
"He wants to go to the International Breakfast Expo." Kisame answered for the spastic boy while sliding two more waffles onto Itachi's plate.
"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!" Tobi beamed, "They say they have the BIGGEST WAFFLE EVER!" he screamed into his senpai's ear, fluttering the bright yellow flyer in his face frantically.
After being sure that he had not gone completely deaf, Deidara's face deadpanned. "This is so stupid, un. No way in hell are we going."
"That's right." Kakuzu informed, walking into the dining area with a groggy Hidan tailing. He pulled up two stools next to the blond for both himself and Hidan to sit. "Your retarded waffle expeditions are NOT going to cost us any extra money."
Hidan just sat quietly, trying to shake the feeling of waking up too quickly.
"Ha, see? We can't go, un." Deidara smirked.
"B-b-b-but Kakuzu-san! It's free to go, a-and TOBI has his OWN MONEY!" the mask wearer whined.
"WHAT!? You've been holding out on us, you little brat!?" the money-conscience rouge roared.
"N-No! Tobi has been saving his own money for emergencies!"
"… Waffles aren't an emergency, un."
"I don't see why you can't just go with the kid, Deidara…" Kisame groaned, now getting a little peeved with all the yelling.
"Besides…" Itachi interjected once more, "Would you rather listen to Tobi's ranting and crying all day if he were to not go?"
All the protestors sat quiet, trying to imagine something far worse than Tobi's shrill crying voice carrying on for hours, but came up short.
"Fine…" Deidara finally cave once he realized there was no other way, "I'll make the sacrifice… mostly for my sanity if not the peace of the house…" he mumbled.
Tobi giggled and cheered, happily munching on waffles that he slipped under his mask. "Thank you, Senpai! Tobi will show you something really good as thanks!"
Hidan, who was now fully awake, glared at the masked boy. "Shut the fuck up, Tobi." He cursed, venomously ripping at the waffles Kisame placed in front of him after he finished praying over them. "I'm awake and you're in my presence. That's means you're not allowed TO FUCKING TALK!"
"… He's like that in the morning…" Hidan's partner commented for him, implying for the others to excuse him.
"Correction, he's like that all the time." Kisame joked, sliding Kakuzu his own plate of fresh waffles.
Tobi had promptly shut his piehole anyway, in fear that he might not live to make it to the Expo, but he allowed for his immutable grin to remain plastered under his mask.
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"Wa~ffle, wa~ffle, big, gynormous wa~ffle~" Tobi sang, skipping about in the clearing in front of the entrance of the lair, ahead of Deidara.
'I think in the process of saving the peace, I sacrificed my sanity…'
While waiting for the intentionally slow-paced blond to make his way out of the entrance, Tobi danced around in the warmth of the sun giddily, swishing about in his orange hoodie and olive short-pants.
"Senpai, Senpai! Such a slow poke!" Tobi bubbled, "Tobi promised to show Senpai something good! Now hurry or Tobi will change his mind!"
Mildly curious about what this "something good" is, Deidara continued to pursue Tobi, but it wasn't enough to speed his purposefully sluggish pace.
Once he was standing adjacent to Tobi, Deidara sighed heavily, "… Ready to go?" He glared into the face of Tobi's mask, almost pleadingly, hoping that Tobi would somehow make eye contact into the depths of his crystalline blue eyes and change his mind.
However, that was not the case.
"You bet, Senpai! But first…" Tobi lifted his hand and rolled back his elongated, vibrant sleeve. He guided it to the back of his obsidian, spiked hair and through his scalp to unfasten his wooden mask. "Something good! Plus, it makes Tobi look like an ordinary good boy!"
Slowly and carefully, Tobi removed his beloved mask, placing it daintily into the periwinkle backpack he brought along for souvenirs and other things of that nature.
His skin was a beautiful porcelain pale, like a doll, only blemished with a single scar on the lower of his right cheek and a bandage covering his left eye. To Deidara, the flaws strangely made the boy appear more beautiful, more tangible, more real. As he glanced at the blond, who was gazing at the boy in a slight awe, his soft lavender-ashen eye smiled genuinely, accompanied by the subtle, yet emphatic gleam of his small pink lips.
"Did Senpai ever wonder what Tobi looked like?"
Deidara's eyes widened in a slight surprised that shook him from his stupor of staring. Tobi's voice… it resonated differently… it was more… melodious and temperate, nothing like the strangled goose it normally sounded.
"F-from time to time, un." he uttered, still captivated by the new image of Tobi he was presented with. He could feel his cheeks tingling lightly.
"Good…" Tobi sighed, relieved, "Tobi wanted to give Senpai a better 'something good'… maybe after the expo?"
'Hmmm… what else does he have to offer?' Deidara pondered for a moment. He concluded to just sticking with Tobi for the day. If the surprise was any bit as good as this one, then it was worth the wait. "Whatever you want, un. I'm not forcing you."
Tobi laughed in a very feather-like manner, delicate and calm, but still very hearty. "Of course not, Senpai! Tobi is doing it out of thanks! Besides…" he paused for a moment, catching Deidara in the gaze of his lavender-ashen orbs, "Tobi wants to please Senpai…"
The blond could hear his heart suddenly give off a loud 'thump!' as if it had just started beating again after a long period of time. "I-In any case, we better get moving. The sooner we're there, the sooner we can leave, un." he grimaced, trying to cover the effects Tobi's appearance was having on him. "Where exactly is this place anyway?"
"It's two towns away, Senpai," Tobi smiled another sugar-laden smile.
Deidara sighed, reaching into his pockets for some clay. "I guess there's no other way to travel than by air…"
"That's part of the reason Tobi wanted Senpai to come with Tobi! Faster travel!"
"Only part?" Deidara questioned absent-mindedly.
"O-oh! Um, never mind Tobi!" He quickly shut himself up.
Deidara considered it best to just focus on his clay. The sooner they were there, the sooner they could leave… and the sooner they left, the sooner he'd get his extra "something special".
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"Oh Em Gee…!" Tobi whispered in a breathy, quiet exclamation. After descending from the air from the back of one of Deidara's clay owls, Tobi ran straight to the entrance of the building, despite that he left Deidara in his wake.
The air was buzzing with the sounds of cooking. Stoves, ovens, fryers, and microwaves all harmoniously droning – reminding Tobi of a million Kisames cooking all at once - as chefs from all over prepared breakfasts unique to their country of origin. The aroma from the mass preparations of foods wafted in and out of Tobi's nostrils, hair, and clothing. The same happened to Deidara has he happened upon Tobi at the entrance. Both were bound to smell quite delectable after this little outing.
"Hello, and welcome to the International Breakfast Expo!" chimed the door greeter that Tobi was much too oblivious to notice upon entering. He was more transfixed on the colors and the smells.
Deidara turned to the man and was handed a pamphlet and two pale yellow punch-out tickets. "This pamphlet contains a map of the location of all vendors." He explain while handing the papers over. "The ticket allows you to receive one free sample from every booth. Extra purchases can be made at individual booths. Prices may vary."
"Sir, Sir!" Tobi boomed after he realized that his Senpai was talking to some strange man by the door that appeared to know something about the Expo. "Wh-Where is the world's biggest waffle!? Tobi HAS TO SEE IT!"
"That exhibit will be opened shortly for public viewing… probably within the next thirty to forty-five minutes." The door greeter answered knowledgeably. "I advise that you get there quickly! I hear that one square of the waffle is as big as two heads combined! You can even purchase parts to eat!"
At that sentiment, Tobi's eye illuminated dramatically from its already blinding brightness as he gasped exaggeratedly. "REALLY!? Deidara-senpai! We must see it!"
"Most definitely! America has loads of 'must-see' items!"
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Door greeter-guy!" Tobi squealed. He snatched up his Senpai's hand and dashed off into the mass of sight-seers before the door greeter could even offer a "you're welcome".
"H-Hey, Tobi, un! Slow down!" Deidara snapped as the hyperactive boy dragged him along speedily. "We have time!"
Tobi suddenly came to a stop. "Senpai's right." He glanced around the room when a colorful booth decorated with lots of red, blue, and white balloons caught his attention.
"Look Senpai!" He exclaimed, his had still firmly clasped with the blond's. "Let's go there!"
Tobi was just about to dash off again, when Deidara tugged on his arm. "Walk, un." He commanded.
Tobi giggled and smiled sheepishly, "Oh, right! Sorry, Senpai!"
Deidara had realized that his hand had been firmly clasped with Tobi's until the arrived the booth Tobi had pointed out. It felt kind of awkward to him, but he convinced himself that he had to or else Tobi would run off and get lost.
"Bonjour and welcome to the world of French Breakfast Cuisines!" a platinum-blond woman in a blue, frilly, Victorian-styled dress announced to the gathering crowd. "Originating from Brittany, a region in the northwest of France, we have the popular breakfast dish of Crepes!"
"Ooooooo! Those look yummy, Senpai!" Tobi giggled, tugging Deidara closer to the platinum-blond woman. "Let's get samples!"
"Fine, fine… here." Deidara pulled out Tobi's punch-out ticket of which he had stored in his pocket for save keeping.
"Hello there!" the woman chirped as the two approached her. "Please show me your tickets so you can receive free samples of France's delicious crepes!"
Tobi eagerly thrust his ticket towards the woman, his mouth equally eager about savoring his free sample.
"My, my, my! Your friend seems to be very excited!" she snickered.
"Yeah, yeah… I think he has a waffle fetish or something, un." Deidara responded, picking up a strawberry and a blueberry crepe sample. He turned to the boy and held up the samples. "Which on do you want to try, un? The blue of the red?"
Tobi had to think fairly hard about this… if he ate the Strawberry, then he couldn't try the blueberry… and if he ate the blueberry, then he couldn't have the strawberry. He considered eating both, but that would surely piss off Senpai, and he didn't want that… until he finally got an idea….
"Hurry and pick! It's just food, un!"
"Give Tobi both!" he finally concluded.
And like Tobi though, asking for both made Deidara angry. "Hell no, un! I get a free sample too!"
"Trust Tobi, Senpai!" he tried to coax Deidara. "Tobi won't eat them all!"
Deidara decided against making a scene and lifted the two samples up for Tobi to take. Instead, the boy lowered his head, parted his pink lips, and took a nibble from both flavors, causing Deidara's face to mildly redden.
"Hmmmm…" Tobi hummed as he licked his lips of the remnants. "They both taste really good… but Tobi likes the strawberry better!" After making his announcement, he looks back at his Senpai. "Senpai's turn!"
The platinum-blond lady giggled as she watched the two, ignoring the fact that he's neglecting her job. Deidara realized this as well, feeling pressured.
Tobi went to reach for the half-eaten samples, but Deidara jerked his arm away. "I- I can feed myself, you know, un!" he sneered and he plopped the two flavors into his mouth somewhat messily.
"Waaaaaaa! Senpai! Senpai's not suppose to mix them!"
"Whatever, lets go!" Deidara snapped at Tobi, grabbing his hand and yanking him away from the French booth. He continued to drag the boy until they were in a more secluded area. The lighting was a bit dimmer than the rest of the lights in the Expo.
Tobi blinked in confusion. "S-Senpai? Why did you bring Tobi over here?"
Deidara huffed. He leaned his back against the wall and allowed himself to slide down to the titled floor. "Because I'm tired of being here. Too many people, un." Whether or not that was the real reason, Deidara himself did not know.
Tobi, accepting the excuse anyway, plopped down next to the blond. He re-laced his fingers with his Senpai's and studied his face, watching for what he'd do next. Deidara found this scrutinizing and annoying.
"What are you staring at, un?" he smugly remarked to the boy's actions.
"Senpai has pretty eyes." Tobi stated matter-o-factly. Deidara's blushed returned as Tobi closed the proximity between their faces.
"Also, Senpai…" Tobi poked out his small tongue and stole a daring lick at the corner of Deidara's mouth. "Senpai had something on his face…" he whispered dreamily.
After finally registering what just transpired, Deidara pushed Tobi off of him. "Wh-what the hell was that for!?"
"C-cuz Tobi likes Senpai!" the boy suddenly blurted out as a last resort. He knew he'd have to confess sooner or later; sooner just meant that he could deal with the pains of rejection faster.
Deidara was taken aback by his bluntness. Tobi… liked him…? He wasn't sure if he should take this as a good or bad thing. He also had to factor in his undeniable attraction to Tobi's true face, no matter how much he tried to ignore it.
"T-Tobi wanted to give Senpai his 'something special' earlier, but Tobi got too scared…" Tobi admitted. "Tobi got scared… that Senpai wouldn't like him back…"
"Stupid, of course I don't like you, un." He frowned at Tobi, but then his face softened. He pulled Tobi closer to him, much to his surprise, bringing him close enough for his lips to ghost over the other's own. "But I could learn to, couldn't I?"
"S-S-S-S-Senpai-!" Tobi managed to stutter out before Deidara silenced him with the gentle sealing of lips. The sensation made Tobi tingle all over, from the pores of his skin to the depth of his heart. Deidara slid his arm around Tobi's waste, slowly pulling him into his embrace. The boy eagerly accepted, pressing closer, but soon after, his Senpai pulled away.
"S-Senpai…? What's the matter…?" Tobi asked, worried that he might have done something wrong.
Deidara grinned. "You're a bad kisser, un." He then rose to his feet, offering Tobi a hand to help him off the ground. "We better get going. This is no place for kissing lessons, un."
As Tobi took the offered hand and rose to his feet, realization struck him. "Ah! Senpai! We never saw the giant waffle!"
"… How badly do you wanna see this thing, hmm?" Deidara questioned, slightly hoping that Tobi would just skip over it. But he had also wanted to please Tobi. Instead of rushing him, like he normally would have, he simply grabbed onto his hand, waiting for him to lead the way.
Tobi, who also wanted to please his Senpai, weighed out his options. "… Tobi thinks we should go home, Senpai."
"Hmmm? But what about the stupid waffle?" The blond blinked at Tobi, slightly confused.
Tobi giggled, clutching Deidara's hand tighter. "Tobi got something way better than a silly waffle~"
"Well, I'm glad you're glad." Deidara stated, "Oh. And be sure to put your mask back on before be get back home… I don't need the others seeing what they're missing out on, un."
"Okie Dokie, Senpai." Tobi smiled as he skipped along slide his Senpai, has still intertwined. "Oh… and… w-will Senpai… really teach Tobi how to kiss…?"
Deidara scoffed. "Of course! I wouldn't dare swap saliva with a guy that can kiss, un. And I'm not giving you up so soon either…"
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THE END (sorta kinda. I had a lot of trouble ending this well… and I was trying to finish before Christmas, and I'm tired, and it's kinda a rushed job….)