D/c: I don't own anything!!
W: Eating disorder. Minor lang.
Follow-up to Denial. Further down the spiral. A different style though, more of an abusive/confused inner monologue.
Being afraid makes you twitchy.
I originally wrote this as Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day for a lj comm... then I realized that I couldn't post it because it wasn't slash... So it fit in the Control series quite well... Except it isn't really a poem... That okay will you guys?
Enjoy.
--
Twitchy
--
What's going on with you? Get ahold of yourself.
You're so damn thin, so bony.
It's gross, really.
Eat a damn twinky.
But that'll go right to your thighs, like you need them to be bigger.
But those wrists... just look at them...
How is it possible to still have fat on your body when you can see your bones through your skin?
And you're getting twitchy again.
You didn't tell anyone you barely kept yourself conscious this afternoon, did you?
Did you?
No... They'd worry.
And shove sugar and food that you don't want down your throat.
And you still wouldn't gain a pound.
But you'd feel Goddamn awful.
Because you can see your round stomach and flabby legs.
Even if your hips and ribs jut out from your torso.
God you're ugly.
How can someone so beautiful be so ugly?
You're fucking gorgeous.
But you're no supermodel.
You're getting pale again.
You're getting twitchy.
Go eat a damn twinky.
Go eat something, anything.
Your ass won't appreciate it, but the rest of you might.
Just keep wearing those dark clothes and no one will be able to tell.
Turn pale into porcelain, like usual.
Hide your pencil wrists with armbands.
Cover the dark circles under your eyes with make-up.
Hide the red rims with liner.
Pretend you have the energy to go on.
Why not? It's who you are.
And you won't tell them.
Because you're scared that they won't find you beautiful any more.
Or they'll make you change.
They'll make you eat.
Or maybe you don't want them to hate you, that it?
That look of disgust you save for yourself, you can't bear to see them have it.
Can you?
God, you're getting twitchy again.
Go eat something.
-J X