The Reason

by anglstrmoon

Is Sam really still happy being with the SGC

Title: The Reason

Season: S8

Episode Related: Fallen, Homecoming

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Fallen, Homecoming

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the peeps in the story... if I did I wouldn't have the massive school loans...

Thanks: To Tina for being my beta again... yeah! I've missed u...

A/N: I wrote this before the episode Affinity aired...

Daniel was standing in the doorway of Sam's Lab. He had been watching her closely these past few days. He could tell that something was bothering her but every time he tried to ask her about it, she blew him off. So now he was standing here watching her. Sam was sitting at her desk, staring at the computer in front of her. She had papers sitting to the left of the computer, to make it look like she was doing work.

Sam wasn't dumb. She knew that Daniel was standing in the doorway watching her. She knew he was worried about her. She just wanted to spill her guts to him, to tell Daniel that her and Pete broke up and her thoughts about leaving. But then on the other hand she didn't want to. She didn't want to have to explain why she wanted to leave. But she knew that if she just left without any notice, that Daniel and Jack would stop at nothing to find her. So without turning around, she spoke, "Daniel, you can come in. You don't need to just stand there."

Daniel's face showed a look of how did you know, but Sam didn't see it. Daniel pulled a chair up and sat next to Sam. "So."

"Yes Daniel?"

"I see that you're really getting work done."

"What do you need Daniel?" Sam snapped.

"Are you done doing work for the night?"

"Why?" She turned her head so she could look at him.

This was the first time that Daniel got a real good look at Sam. He could tell that whatever was bothering her was taking its toll. She looked like she hadn't slept in a few days and that she had no motivation to do anything. "This is why. I want you to go home and in about 2 hours, I'm going to come over with Chinese and a movie. Ok?"

Sam was going to decline the offer, but the look in his eye alone made her heart decide before her head had time to comprehend everything. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Ok, good." Daniel stood up and went to leave. He stopped when he got to the door turning around to face her. "Sam? You know that you can come talk to me about anything right? Anything that is bothering you?"

Damn, she thought, he knew something was up. "I know Daniel. I haven't been ready to talk, but I'm thinking that I might be now."

"Ok. I'll see you in a few hours then." With that, Daniel left Sam alone with her thoughts.

10 minutes after Daniel left her lab, Sam was on her way home. Deciding that she needed some noise she turned on the radio.

"Good early evening to everyone listening tonight. Here is a new song by Hoobastank, it's called The Reason."

Sam had her hand on the dial to turn the station, but then she stopped when she heard the lyrics.

'I'm not a perfect person, As many things I wish I didn't do....'

Wow, Sam thought. This song sounds a lot like my life. She continued to listen to the song and paid close attention to the chorus.

'I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you.'

Sam was startled out of her thoughts when the DJ started speaking again.

"And that was the new one from Hoobastank, The Reason. Their newest CD came out a few weeks ago, so if you liked that, go buy it. The whole CD is great. Ok, Next..."

Realizing that she was on her way to the mall, she figured that her mind was telling her to go buy this CD. 20 minutes later she was once again on her way home. She still wasn't quite sure why she bought the CD, but she did.

By the time she got home, it was about an hour until Daniel showed up, so she decided to grab a quick shower then clean up around her house. While she was cleaning up, she was listened to the song that mirrored her life. Sam sat on her couch waiting for Daniel, thinking about the song, her decision to leave the SGC, and Daniel. A knock interrupted her thoughts.

Sam opened the door to find Daniel juggling the Chinese take out and a bottle of wine. "Daniel." Sam smiled and grabbed the wine from him, heading toward the kitchen knowing that he would follow.

"Where do you want to eat Sam?"

"Umm. Lets eat in the living room." Sam poured two glasses of wine carrying the glasses and bottle into the room. Deciding it would be fun to sit on the floor she placed the items on the coffee table, and went back in to help Daniel.

Sam got out 2 plates and they worked in silence to separate the food. They soon headed back into the living room to enjoy their meal and company. The conversation started during dinner was the standard dinner conversation. Daniel knew not to push Sam about what was bothering her, knowing she would tell him in her own time.

After dinner, Daniel took the plates into the kitchen while Sam poured more wine for the both of them. Sam took a seat on the couch and Daniel sat on the floor with his back against the other couch,

"Daniel, I know that you are worried about me and my mood this past week. So I'm going to tell you about it. About a week and a half ago, Pete and I broke up."

"Oh Sam.." Daniel went to move closer to her, but Sam holding her hand up to stop him stopped him. He sat back down.

"We got into a fight about my work at the SGC. He wanted to me cut down on my hours or quit or something. I told him that I couldn't do it, and that I had almost quite once after your ascension."

This caused Daniel to look at her with a look of question on his face. "What? Why?"

"He asked me the same thing and I told him the truth. That I've been losing people to this cause for 6 years and when I lost you, I couldn't handle it. God Daniel, do you have any idea how many times I walked up to General Hammond's office with my letter of resignation. At least once a week, but as life went on, I learned to live with you not being there. Granted I had a few moments where I just missed the hell out of you and would come home and cry myself to sleep. Those were the nights I got the most sleep." By this time Sam was up and pacing back and forth. "Do you know I was getting better at every thing, I was. Then we went to Abydos and we saw you and you blew me off." Sam stopped and just stood there, with tears starting to fall down her face.

Daniel got up and gathered Sam into his arms. "Shhh, it's ok." Daniel had one arm on her back while the other one running through her hair. After a few minutes, Sam stepped out of his embrace knowing that to finish this she needed her space.

"But when we found you on the planet; I was so happy to see you that I didn't care that if you didn't remember us. I knew that your memories would come back in time, like they did. I wanted so bad to tell you everything. But I always had the feeling that if I did, you wouldn't talk me anymore, so I kept everything to my self. Then I started going out with Pete. It was great, it was. But I started to realize that it wasn't what I wanted. Pete mistook my uneasiness as me wanting to leave the SGC, but didn't know how too. I told him that wasn't it. And he told me that he wanted me to leave. I told him that I couldn't leave on my own when I wanted to, what made him think I was going to for him. I mean, I've known you 5 years. He left that day, saying that I should think about what I want from my life. He called a few days later, and I told him that it wasn't him. That I loved my work, and there was no way that I was going to leave. So he said that he had no choice but to break up with me. He told me that my heart was with someone else, but I didn't realize it."

Daniel looked into her eyes right after she said that last comment with a pained expression on his face and sadness in his eyes. He didn't mean to, he didn't want to show her that it hurt him to see her talk about Jack in that way. He admitted to himself a while ago that he fell in love with her, but he was almost positive that the feelings didn't go both ways.

Sam saw the look in his eyes before he covered it up. She wanted to tell him so bad that he was the one she was talking about, but she knew that it wasn't the right moment. Sam went and sat on the couch next to Daniel.

After a few moments, Sam finally spoke up. "So that is what has bothering me for the past few days. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I couldn't seem to find a good time to. When I was on my way home, I heard a song and it describes exactly how I feel right now. It's called The Reason, by a band named Hoobastank." Sam grabbed the remote to her CD player and hit play.

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Once the song was done, Sam and Daniel just sat in their places, neither knowing what to say. Sam turned to Daniel, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are the reason that I stayed. Not just you, but you and everything that you believe in. We are not the same people as when we started so many years ago. Daniel, it scares me that everything has changed so much that we have changed so much. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and I think that maybe, everything would be better if I just leave the SGC. I could talk to General Hammond about possibly working at the Pentagon..."

"Sam," Daniel stopped her taking one of her hands in his. With his other hand, he cupped her cheek. "God, if I knew that you felt like this I would of tried to talk to you earlier. I know how you feel. I do. I had the same feelings before I ascended. Except, I was going to go teach or go on a dig. I had plenty offers. But I stayed because I knew that no matter what, I was making a difference for others out there. Let it be big or small, but it something.

"I feel like I have changed so much since I came back, from Abydos, so many years ago. I mean, yeah we have changed, all of us. But that is something that we can't change. The one thing that we can do is to make sure that what we see doesn't change all of us. There has to be a part of each of us that doesn't get changed by that. I mean, why help change and save the world when we don't feel comfortable in it anymore." Daniel stopped his speech, letting what he said settle in. By this time Daniel dropped his hand from her face and picked up her other hand. "When you guys found me after my descension, I had no reason to trust you. I lived with those people for around 2 months. That is all I knew, and truthfully, I didn't like the idea of leaving and going with you. But the look on your face when you first saw me, the hurt I saw when I pushed you away, the determination and emotion that I felt and saw while you were talking to me, I had to come back. That's also why I asked if there was anything between us, I didn't think that one person would speak like that about just a friend. I felt foolish. But when my memory started coming back, I understood."

Daniel got up and started pacing in front of her. "God Sam. I started remembering that my feelings had started to change for you before I even left. I think that was part of the reason why I left. I was pretty sure that you didn't feel the same way, and with everything else that was going on, I found it to be the right time to go. I know I hurt you guys, I just didn't know how much. No one would talk to me about it. Well, Janet said a few things and the General kept saying how good it was to have me back... for like 3 months AFTER I got back." The last comment was met by a small giggle from Sam. "See, I knew that laugh was somewhere, it just had to be found. Anyway. The general sat me down right before he left. He told me that in a nutshell of what you, Teal'C, and Jack were like. He told me that he was afraid that if I hadn't come back when I did, his flagship team might have not existed for much longer."

With this, Sam, who has been smiling, sobered up. "What?"

"He knew Sam. In some weird way, he knew that you were on the verge of quitting, so was Jack, and Teal'C was going to go help Bra'tac look for rebel Jaffa. He knew. No one had to tell him. He knew that you guys were falling apart without me. And the funny thing is that he told me, that this was the one thing that he couldn't fix. He told me that he couldn't have been happier to see me walk through that gate with you guys again. Now, I'm not going to sit here and try to talk you out of leaving, if you have your mind set to. But, if not and you're just thinking about it, listen to me. I know what you're going through. You need to sit down and think of the pros and cons of leaving. After you are done with thinking, if you can tell me with out a doubt that you want to leave, then so be it. But until then, I'm going to do everything in my power to stop you."

"I miss him, Daniel, a lot. He was like a father to me. I mean, I email his at least one a week, but it's not the same. I like having Jack as the commander of the base, but it's different."

"Yeah it is. Hammond said in the last email I got from him that he was going to try to come out in a few weeks."

"Yeah, he said that to me too... Wait, you email him?"

"Yeah. And I'm pretty sure that Teal'C does too."

At the sound of his name, Sam got a far away look in her eyes. "Teal'C. God, he has changed the most out of all of us. He is slowly becoming more and more human."

"Yeah. More so since he lost Jr. Did you know apparently I visited him in his dreams during that whole thing."

"Yeah. I found out the same time that Jack said he saw you."

"Sam, you know that if I could of, I would have visited you when you were dying."

"I know. The only reason that I really could think of was that I wasn't alone. Teal'C and Jack were."

"Maybe that is the reason then. I honestly don't know."

"I know." Sam smiled the first in since Daniel arrived at her house.

Sam all of a sudden got very quiet and apprehensive. "Daniel,"

"Yeah." He said and gave a slight squeeze to her hands.

"I want to say that I'm not going to leave. You made me remember the main reason we are doing this, and I want to tell you this. I love you, in a more than friend way. And I think I'm on my way to falling in love with you. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I'm scared to hear your reply, but I know that if I don't tell you it'll eat away at my soul. More than it already has."

Daniel dropped Sam's hands and moved his to her face. "God Sam. You don't need to be scared. I feel the same way. Except, I fell in love with you a long time ago. I was just so positive that you didn't feel the same way because of Jack, so I kept my mouth shut. Teal'C knew though. I'm not sure how he figured that one out. I guess since he didn't talk that much he paid extra attention to everything. But he never said anything to me and I'm guessing to anyone else."

"I think he might have picked up on me too. But that would explain why everywhere I went Teal'C seemed to be there. It was funny if you think about it. He scared me so many times, and I didn't think that there was a real reason."

"Well, now you know."

"Yeah."

"Sam, could I... I mean, would it... Can I kiss you?"

Sam looked at the man in front of her with love in her eyes for the first time. She had no clue how long she has waited for this moment. "Yes"

Daniel took her face in his hands and leaned to kiss her, he was met half way by Sam. He wanted the kiss to be perfect. Sam brought her hands and wrapped both of them around his neck, playing with his hair. The kiss started out innocent, but it got more passionate as their tongues came into play. A few minutes later the need for oxygen forced them apart.

"So, how about that movie that I brought with me?" Daniel asked still slightly breathless.

"That sounds like a great idea, Daniel, what did you bring?"

"I brought What Women Want. The lady at the video store said that this movie was good for guys and girls, so. I'll put it in." Daniel got up, grabbed the movie, put it in the DVD player, and went and sat back down with Sam. Once Daniel sat down, he opened his arms to her. She went, and settled into them her back to his chest.

Sam looked up into Daniel's face. "Thank you for all of this Daniel."

"You're welcome." Daniel kissed her lightly on the lips. The pair then turned their attention to the movie. Each one comforted by the thought of the love from the other.