You'd Be So Nice to Come Home To
This might start off a bit angsty but I was aiming for romance/humour. But I can't help the angst! It's a gift... And a curse ;-) xxxx
This might be a little OOC but for once something light-hearted came to me and I just had to follow it xx
A prologue of sorts...
Elizabeth Keen felt the shift in her relationship with her husband long before they finally separated.
First it was the warnings from Red, putting her on her guard and making her build a wall around herself - no matter how much she insisted she trusted and loved Tom.
But it seemed that cancelling the adoption had been the last straw for him. Before long she had her suspicions and shortly after she had proof that he was having an affair.
Regardless of how much she wanted a family, to be part of something she felt she'd missed out on growing up, she knew she could never trust him again. So they split up.
Maybe in time she'd find out the truth about Tom. Maybe Red would be right and she should never have trusted him at all. For now it was difficult to look beyond the pain and embarrassment.
Slowly she begins to adjust. Red is unintrusive while being intuitive to her emotional and professional needs. When it's space she desires, he tries to allow her it and when reassurance is required he's there to listen and comfort.
She tries not to rely on him, she's learned that she should be more cautious about where she places her trust.
Months pass and then a realisation startles her. Lizzie thinks it's her secret shame. She thinks she's hidden her attraction for him well beneath layers of suspicion and contempt. She looks back and thinks that it was instant, she was drawn to Raymond Reddington from the moment she approached the box. Maybe it was the way he looked at her or the way he spoke, the innocent enough words taking on erotic overtones just from the tone and pitch of his voice. She denied it of course but as it expanded and enlarged she found her life changing, and with the end to her marriage there seemed no point in lying to herself.
But what she forgets is that Raymond Reddington likes to share in her secrets. He's inquisitive about every aspect of her life and he's learned though careful observation when she's hiding something. So when he senses her hesitation, her desire to conceal something for him, he is determined to have knowledge of every facet of it; every dark corner and each tiny twist. What he finds is something unexpected but entirely welcome. He finds that Lizzie has developed feelings for him, just as he has for her from almost the moment they met.
It was the ever perceptive Meera, sharp witted and sharp tongued that first brought it to everyone's attention. From that moment on it was only Aram who didn't persecute Lizzie for her involuntary choice.
It started with subtle, if repellent looks from Donald and the odd sexually suggestive jibe from Meera but before long she felt like she was avoiding any and all association with them as they amped up the frequency and strength of their remarks. They were literally having a laugh at her expense.
She had of course noticed that neither of them uttered a single word about it when Red was present. She took that to mean that they didn't see any return in his affections, but of course it was more to do with the intimidating power Red had over them. Ressler and Meera had suspected attachment on his side long before they saw it in her.
One day, months later, she walks into the meeting room praying for the presence of someone who can shield her from more of Meera and Ressler's nonsense. But she only sees them as she opens the door, purposefully striding in and making her way to the coffee machine in the right hand corner.
It's Ressler's who starts it, "Liz, did you not see Reddington?" She's assuming he means outside, having no idea that she almost struck him with the door in her hurry to enter the room and busy herself.
She can't help it, she snaps. She should let it slide but she's had enough. She can confront them directly, but she doubts it'll be of any use, so she'll match their banter with some of her own. They won't be put off easily so she decides to either go big or go home.
She doesn't even turn around but begins, "Did I see him Donald? Yes, I passed him in the corridor. In quite a brief, surprising and highly emotional exchange, he asked me to marry him. Given that he looks sexy as all hell in his suits, he's charming, thoughtful and considerate and that's without even mentioning his voice... Sweet Jesus! I think there are 3 women in the tactical unit pregnant just because they overheard him talking last week. And finally, he is Raymond 'The Concierge of Crime, number four on the FBI Most Wanted List, Mister I'm not perfect but ironically I kind of am' Reddington, you don't refuse a man like that, so naturally I accepted. Ressler you're the best man and Meera you're the chief bridesmaid. Champagne all round!" She feels quite smug at her sassy statement and she's certain that it's more than enough to get them off her back, for a while at least.
Strangely they don't respond, maybe it was overkill. She lifts her cup and turns to look at them, but when her eyes sweep round the room they find Red standing in the far left corner looking at her passively. All the colour drains from her face as the cup slips from her hands and crashes to the floor. Hot coffee and ceramic shards go everywhere but she doesn't blink.
Slowly, Red steps forward. She thinks she can just make out an amused glint in his eye but it might just be wishful thinking.
"Lizzie, why don't you go and get cleaned up. I'd like a quick word with Donald and Agent Malik if you don't mind." His tone is even and steady, he gives nothing away but she still feels like they're about to be given into trouble like naughty school children.
Judging by the look on their faces that's what they expect too. She has to resist the urge to stick her tongue out at them as she makes her way out the door.
From that moment on she doesn't hear another word about it. Not even from Red. She's relieved but also a little disheartened. She doesn't know if she wants him to know how she feels but she suspects he already knows, given his intimate knowledge of her.
But if he does know, and she's certain he does, then it can only mean one thing. He's not interested. It seems like a bitter pill to swallow but swallow it she must!
Months pass and she tries to forget about her Reddington fascination. They spend more and more time together, Red arranging it so it's just the two of them whenever possible. He wants her to know him, to trust him and to need him completely before their relationship progresses. He can't start something only to scare her off or have her regret her choice.
In the mean time Lizzie had finally decided to move from the brown stone she shared with Tom. Well it's more like her financial situation made the decision for her. When there were two incomes coming in they could almost afford it, now it's just a drain.
The sale of her home goes quickly and before she knows it she's hastily packing and taking a few days off to oversee her belongings being moved to her new smaller apartment. The night she moves in she stands in the midst of chaos. She didn't have time to label most of the boxes so nothings in its right place and when she opens a few boxes she finds nothing of immediate use.
That's when Red arrives. He thinks she looks lost standing there and he asks her if she's eaten. Lizzie explains that she can't find a plate let alone pots and pans so consequently she's had nothing to eat for most of the day. He gets her coat and encourages her to leave it all behind. And she does.
He takes her to Fredrick's and cooks a meal. He pours her wine and listens to every word she says. But he also listens to her little sighs and watches her weary expression. He's concerned about how tired she is so he asks hers to stay the night. She initially refuses, she's adamant that it's inappropriate and not needed but he persists, reminding her of her exhaustion and the uninhabitable state of her new apartment. She does stay, sleeping in his bed while he sits on the sofa looking out into the night, content to be close to her, happy to care for her in this simple way.
The next day is like a repeat of the day before. After he drops her home she tries to get organised but she can't make any headway with the boxes. It's like she doesn't want to settle in, or can't. Finally Red arrives and convinces her to leave.
They return to Fredrick's and he cooks again. She half expects him to offer his bed again and she knows she'll accept without protest this time. It feels good to be cared for, and he's so intuitive that it feels like the most natural thing ever.
Over wine he asks her how she's feeling about the new place.
"I don't know yet. I just hate the uncertainty moving house and the divorce has brought. I can't seem to adjust and it's unsettling. I think I need to feel at home somewhere, and I don't" she says, her voice thick with emotion and her cheeks blushing at her inability to hide it from him.
"You will be fine Lizzie" he says smiling at her gently.
"I can't stand this feeling of being adrift. Is this how you feel?" She asks him, a stray tear slipping from her eye.
Red reaches over and uses his thumb to brush it away. "I don't think in those terms. I haven't for over 20 years. I can travel anywhere I please at a moments notice. Having the ability to do that has changed how I see things. A house is just bricks and mortar, inanimate."
"But this house, you feel at home here." She says but it's more a question than a statement.
"No, I like it here best but it's not my home." He replies.
"Where do you feel at home?" She asks him, her voice weak from the emotion she still feels.
Red stands, deciding that maybe the time is right to tell her. She needs him and he's waited long enough. He offers her his hand and she slowly takes it, allowing him to help her from her seat.
When she's standing, looking him in the eye he says quietly, "I feel at home with you Lizzie. I tell you this with no expectation and without any hope that I'll continue to feel that way. I say it only so that you can know how grateful I am to you for the peace that it's brought me."
She doesn't speak, mostly because she can't. When she inhales the sound shudders through her body, she lifts her hand to her lips, preparing to hold back the emotion she feels welling up in her again.
Red then continues, "as long as I'm alive you will never be alone. Our relationship can take any form you wish but I want you to find refuge in me as I find in you."
Her eyes sparkle with unspent tears as she continues to meet his warm gaze. "Red" she finally whispers out but she doesn't say anything more.
He is certain she has feelings for him but he doesn't want to force her hand so that's why he's offered to let her choose the type of relationship that they have. But what he has offered her is sincere. She will always have him.
Lizzie wants to say something, wants to tell him the type of relationship she wants but it seems too overwhelming to say out loud. So instead she lifts her hand and gently touches the side of his face.
He closes his eyes at her touch and she smiles, finding herself genuinely surprised at his reaction. She sees in this simple gesture, and in his thoughtful words, everything she doubted existed between then.
He opens his eyes to see her smiling and spurned on he leans in to kiss her. As their lips touch the world melts away; there is no longer distance or uncertainty. She knows she is cared for and she feels like she is connected. She realises Red is right, it feels like home.