A/N: Hi guys! Back with another one. I haven't written for Raph is a long time, and when I did it was a turtle tot piece. While I worked hard, I hoped I capture his attitude and voice well.

As always, I appreciate your reviews! Thank you so much for taking time to read my story and I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.

Raphael let out a long sigh. It was a low sound but one that was absolutely content. Although he hated the reasons why they were here, Raph did indeed love the O'Neil farm very much. While quieter than the clamor of the city he was used to, it was a liberating feeling to experience daylight on the surface. He and his brothers could enjoy the sun kissing their skins. They got to splash in fresh water from the nearby lake. They slept like normal people. Did chores like normal people. If it wasn't for the fact that their father was missing or the invasion that left a constant burden on them, it would have been idyllic.

One of Raph's favorite pastimes on the farm was tucking away in the trees; especially in the tall oak not too far from the house. It was about thirty feet up in the air and was full of luscious green leaves. The warm breezes that came rustling through it were cool and refreshing. The tree also offered a luxury that Raph had yet to find in the house, a spot where he could remain undisturbed with his thoughts. He had taken painstaking measures to use the tree only when he was sure he could go undetected. And because of the thick foliage, nobody had found his yet in this spot. Yet Raph found if he seated himself right, he could often get a vantage point on the rest of the farm. Which had proven to have many opportunities for blackmailing his brothers. Mikey alone had given him a year's worth of embarrassment with his feeding of the chickens.

This afternoon's tree sitting was a much-needed reprieve. The last several days had been a special flavor of crazy with Donnie's "girlfriend" crashing the place. Poor, sweet, easily taken-in Donatello had bitten off more than he could chew with trying to nurse Big Foot back to health. The last several days had been entertaining at Donnie's expense. And while Raph enjoyed the spectacle, it was difficult to get away from it. So, the second things had calm down to the more normal routine, Raph took the first opportunity he had to hustle right up into his space.

Raph wasn't exactly sure how long he had been in the tree, but he spent time allowing his mind to drift as he watched the clouds through the leaves. He thought about everything from the invasion to modifying his shell cycle. Raph had been vaguely aware when April came out to begin chopping wood. He found that the rhymical thwacking of the axe was soothing and it had him lost in his thoughts even more. So much so that he hadn't realized it when Donnie had come to speak with April. It wasn't until a few beats without the axe had passed that Raph's mind realized something had changed. That's when he heard the exchanged.

"… Donnie is to April as Bigfoot is to Donnie." His brother's sad voice drifted up to him, pulling him out of his thoughts completely. Peering over, Raph could just see Donnie and April. Don stood by April, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly and he stared at the ground, too defeated in his acceptance of his situation to look April in the eye.

He's finally accepted the matter. Raphael thought to himself, nodding curtly. He knew how much April lit up Donnie's world, so to have this light extinguished would be painful for him. But it was for the better. Raph had been trying to get him to see that fact. For as bright as the guy was, he had really put himself in a bad spot with this situation. In the eighteen months that they had known April, his brother still remained in the friend zone. More, with the introduction of Casey Jones in their lives, it didn't take long to see April's affection for him. And while Donnie loved April, it was only a matter of time before the unrequited crush would go from awkward to doing damage to their friendship. It was safe to assume that the genius would rather have April in his life as a friend than not at all.

"I know I'm just a mutant." Donnie continued, his tone was meek and flat. This made Raph frown. In all their lives, they had never viewed the four turtles' mutation as anything more than the means by which they were "born", hence why Michelangelo loved celebrating mutation day. Hearing Donatello speak in a way that disvalued him disturbed Raph.

But it didn't disturb him as much as what he heard April say next.

"You're not just a mutant Donnie, you're my mutant." And with those words, April planted a kiss on his cheek and walked away.

Donnie went from sadness to confusion to lovestruck in about 10 seconds flat. He mumbled something to himself before his face erupted into a goofy grin. It was the brightest Donatello had smiled in days, and it was plain to see the joy bursting in every cell of his body. Letting the conversation sink in for a moment, Donnie drew in a deep breath before letting it out in a content sigh. Head and shoulders now held high, he began waltzing towards the barn to, what could only be assumed, work in his temporary lab.

Raph just sat frozen in his spot. What in the world did he just witness? His cheeks began to flush. Although it was not done intentionally, Raph knew he was not meant to witness the exchange. Not only did he had accidentally spy, but he also found something he didn't like. More than that, it made him angry. Don just willingly presented to April his acceptance that they wouldn't be more than friends. Why the hell did she just go and confuse that? Now, what was Raph to do with this information? Since he wasn't meant to hear it in the first place, the first option was to just ignore it. Not meddling in the "romantic" relationships of your siblings had started to develop as an unspoken rule among them.

Meddling was one thing. It was a completely different thing if potential harm was perceived. Raph sighed at that thought. Did he really think April was trying to do harm? She didn't return the feelings of love, but she did care for him. Maybe the 'just a mutant' comment bothered her just as much as it had him. Maybe she was trying to make it clear that he wasn't just a mutant. To clarify his worth.

Then why the kiss?

XXXXXXX

In the end, Raph decided that he at least needed to talk to April about it.

As luck would have it, Casey and Donnie had provided a reason for the lot of them to be out of the house that night. They had been hard at work repairing the old truck they had found in the barn and wanted to take it for an open road test just to see how things were running. Mikey and Leo had decided that going out sounded like a fun way to spend the evening, itching to do something that was less awkward than watching Donnie try to escape the advances of a Sasquatch. As much as he wanted to see the truck in action, Raph had easily made an excuse to stay in, staying that he would like to maybe get a light workout in with the punching bag. April, who had no interest in any of it, had said she would skip out so that she could make dinner.

Busy in the kitchen is exactly where Raph found April. She was in the middle of pulling out various ingredients when he had swung open the doors.

"Do you need any help?"

"I wouldn't mind it if you would chop vegetables." April smiled before sheepishly admitting, "That is probably my least favorite part of cooking."

Raph just shrugged. "Sure."

It didn't take long for Raphael to figure out what it was about cutting vegetables April didn't like. The farm was sparse on kitchen equipment, outfitted with only the basics, and only had a chef and paring knife. Which alone would be fine, except for the fact that they were incredibly dull. A search didn't produce any sharping tools in the kitchen, so Raph decided to take a quick look in the barn for a way to sharpen them before giving into the dull knives.

Raph returned back to the kitchen moments later. April looked up and noticed a long object in his hands. Her eyes went wide when she understood what she was looking at.

"You can't be serious. Leo is going to kill you."

Raph smiled slyly as he slid his katana out of its sheath. April wasn't wrong. Leo would be quite upset that his baby was being used for such an inappropriate task. But there was the key point in his logic of using it. "He has to find out about it first."

"That is so wrong." His friend giggled. Raph merely smiled weakly and got set up on his task. Silence fell between them in the kitchen as they worked. Raphael was milling through his thoughts. How was he going to bring up the topic on his mind? How do you tell someone you accidentally overheard their conversation, and now you want to butt your big snout into it? Raph was slicing through an onion when April broke the silence.

"You OK Raph? You've been pretty quiet all afternoon. I can sense you're pretty distracted."

Raph sighed. Of course, April could sense that. Damn psychic abilities. It made him uncomfortable. He sucked in a breath, knowing that he had just been giving a good jumping off point. Raph didn't dare waste it.

"I, uh- well…" Raph let out the breath and looked at April. He had been conflicted all afternoon. He had been feeling angry. Lately, he had been really working hard on not flying off the handle right way. It was met with mixed success, but he really was trying. But, and this was a real challenge for him, he wanted to give April the benefit of the doubt in this situation. He wasn't even supposed to be involved in the conversation. And because of that, he had been debating all day if he should even open this can of worms.

April was stirring the pot she was working in, but returned the gaze back, a bit of concern laced in her expression. Raph groaned inwardly before opening his mouth. "I accidentally overheard your conversation with Donnie today."

April tensed up at the words. The concern was replaced with a look Raph couldn't quite read. It wasn't angry, embarrassed maybe?

"I didn't mean to April. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I couldn't get out of it quick enough." If pushed on the matter, Raph was not going to reveal the spot in the tree. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't want to expose his only place of peace. Even if it would absolve him of his accidental spying. He'd rather take the fury of April.

April bit her lip, turning her focus back to the pot. The room fell silent again, but this time the air was tense and uncomfortable. The only sounds were the bubbling of the broth on the stove and the slicing of the katana.

"How much did you hear?" April finally asked, quietly.

"Enough to know that Donnie was waving the friend zone white flag. That's what is bothering me April. He gave you an out. I mean, kissing him…" Raph's voice trailed off as he took a beat to gather his thoughts. He looked away from his slicing and up to his friend just in time to see April's face turn red. Raph just tilted his head back, trying to think how he should put this. "I mean, you obviously don't care for him in the same way that he does for you. It drives D crazy April. Not you, per say, but the go around in his own head."

April just stood still and silent. Which did nothing but make Raph feel even more awkward. What was he trying to accomplish here? He wanted to look out for her brother's emotional well-being, but he was starting to have serious doubts about discussing this April. He was getting the sinking feeling in his stomach that he was in the meddling territory.

"We've been trying to talk him down for a while. Especially once it became obvious about how you felt about Casey-"

"How I feel about Casey? Why is that anyone's business?" April spat harshly. Raph blinked, a little dumbfounded at the sudden sharpness from her. It wasn't that it was unfair of April, Raph was basically asking her to defend her feelings, but he really was trying to be considerate of his friend. After a moment, he merely answered April's question as gently as he could. Which, was a difficult task for him admittedly. Gentleness was not a skill he practiced.

"In general, nobodies. You have every right to your feelings and the privacy included with them. It's just, we want to protect our brother from himself. Sometimes D can have a hard time processing the emotions he feels. I mean, it had gotten better, but he and Casey are at each other's throats all the time, over you. You can't tell me you haven't noticed that."

"Well, of course, I have. But I still don't see how that's relevant!" Despite the attempt of gentleness on Raph's part, the conversation was still becoming heated. April turned her full force on Raph now, a steeliness in her blue eyes. Raph himself could feel his temper rising.

"Because Don was ready to call it a truce! Because he doesn't want to risk his friendship with you. Because he isn't dumb about your feelings towards Casey. Because he finally understood what it was like to be at the awkward end of the barrel of unmatched strong feelings and was ready to let you off the hook. So why in the world did you-"

"Because I love him!"

The confession was like a smack to the face. They just stared at each other, Raph surprised at what April just stated, and April just as surprised that she said it. The redhead had clasped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide and shocked. Raph was the first to break the silence this time.

"What do you mean that you love him? That doesn't even…" Raph's mind was reeling, truly blindsided by this. He looked around the room, trying to sort his thoughts on the question he was really looking to ask. "You mean you love him, love him?"

"Yes." The response was whispered, knowing it was too late to hide anything now. April sighed, dropping her shoulders. She had now brought both hands to her face in order to help collect her own thoughts. Then she continued, "He makes my stomach flip every time I see him. You're right, I do have feelings for Casey, but it's not the same. Casey is… exciting in a different way. But he doesn't give me the same smile as Donnie. In the end, Casey is too impulsive, too childish. And honestly, he can be obstinate in a way that just rubs me the wrong way after a while. I know I could never be truly happy with him."

"D on the other hand… he is gentle and charming in a unique way. He can make me laugh when it's the last thing I feel like doing. He's an amazing listener, and dependable. I only act like I do because…" April stopped suddenly, bringing the tips of her fingers to her lips as if keeping them from betraying her. Raph could feel a sense of foreboding rise in his throat. He had an idea where this was going.

"April… why do you act like the way you do?" Raph asked his question pointedly, making it clear that he wanted to be answered. Now.

"Because how can I live a normal life with him? What does a relationship between a human and a mutated turtle even look like? We couldn't go to a movie or meet for lunch or go out with friends. Everything would have to be in secret. Nobody would be able to know about Donnie except for the few who already do. I couldn't share with people about the love of my life. At least with Casey, I could explore a normal relationship. But every time Donnie or I make a move to make an end to the possibility I just… can't let it go." Tears were starting to fill April's eyes now. She knew the confession was ugly. And she had just shared it with his hot-headed brother.

Raph just glared. He felt like someone just cracked open his plastron and was now squeezing his heart. He could hear his blood pumping loudly in his ears and it was deafening. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. April's words were striking his heart and it was making him furious. He sucked in a deep breath, trying to center himself before he spoke. When he did, his voice was slow, articulate, and cold.

"So instead of letting it end you just mess around with the heads of my brother and my friend?" April flinched at that. Raph didn't care. "You mess with their heads because you can't decide how a relationship with my brother would you look?"

"Raph, I know you can't understand- "April tried to interject, but Raph wouldn't allow it.

"No April, you don't understand." He slammed his fist down on the counter, fury getting the better of him. Raph picked up Leo's katana, walked over to the sink and began washing it off. He ripped the towel off of its hook to dry the weapon, with more friction than necessary. April just waited with bated breath through this whole display. When the weapon was clean to satisfaction, Raph picked up the sheath and walked towards the door. Before exiting, he turned just enough to April would hear him without question.

"My brother is an amazing, wonderful soul. He is anything but 'just a mutant' as he so bluntly put to you this afternoon. Donnie is brilliant, sensitive, and adoring. Do you know how much sleep he lost while trying to develop a retromutegeon for your dad? Donatello held the weight of responsibility on his shoulders for that mishap, when it was only a mistake. A mistake April. You went nuclear on us and absolutely crushed him in the process. My brother would move mountains for you. He deserves the world. Stop toying with my brother's head O'Neil."

And with that, he left April in the kitchen alone.

XXXXXXX

What currently made Raph the angriest is that he could understand April's feelings. A relationship with Donnie would bring complications, Raph could sympathize with that. The difference between April and Don's DNA did present a challenge for them in a lot of ways. Raph also believed April wasn't being malicious in her confession. She was just sharing the struggle of her heart. And Raphael truly believed that she really wrestled with the issue of wanting to freely love Donnie.

Regardless of the struggle, April leading Donatello on was inexcusable.

On the other hand, Raph's heart was hurting. The girl of Donnie's dream had feelings for him. Raph couldn't expect that April really could, and did, love Donnie. Never in a million years could he have expected that. And the only thing that kept them apart was a big question. Could April choose to live a life of secrecy in order to love?

Raph bit down hard on his lip, feeling like screaming. He was also mad at himself. He felt like a hypocrite. Hadn't they been telling Donnie his feelings were hopeless because how could he expect a human to love him? Raph himself had been the biggest voice of that line of logic. Raph's only intention was to shield Donnie from himself. But what had he really been telling his brother all along? What was it about him that made him unlovable by her?

His mutation.

Instead of screaming, Raph simply let out a dejected sigh. To his horror, Raph could feel the tears well up in his eyes. He had been completely overwhelmed by the whole conversation that he couldn't even bear to be in the house anymore, so without skipping a beat had run right back up into the tree. His sitting branch was a particularly thick off-shoot of the old oak and Raph had found he was able to stretch himself out horizontally on. Raph had been here for hours by now, watching the leaves sway in the wind until the moonlight began to peek through them. During that time, the boys had returned home from what had apparently been a successful test run. Mikey tumbled out of the van whooping and hollering with his usual "Yea boi!" and Donnie talking statistics and Casey claiming how "Metal!" the truck had been. Raph remained frozen in his solitude until they had gone into the heart of the farmhouse, not even allowing himself to breathe. He so desperately did not want to be found and was sure that his own breath would give him away.

That had been over an hour ago, and the farm was now silent. Which was in its own way a nice change. It had given Raph a decent chance to sort through his thoughts. Which, honestly, were a muddled mess. He just kept volleying back and forth between fury and remorse, with no middle ground in sight.

"Are you going to be up there all night?"

Raphael nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden intrusion of the voice. He gripped onto the limb beneath him for dear life, wondering if his heart was still beating properly. Once assured that he was, in fact, not suffering from a heart attack, he looked down at the owner of the voice.

Who was none other than Donatello.

Even in the dark, Raph could see that smug grin he bore when he got the better of any sibling. The smile was always lopsided and perfectly showcased the gap in his teeth. Raph groaned outwardly. He had been found.

"Maybe." He gritted his teeth as he answered him. Donnie merely shook his head before climbing up the tree himself. Raph settled himself back into his spot, throwing his hands over his eyes. He loved Donatello dearly, but after the night he'd been having, he didn't feel much like talking to him. He wasn't sure he could keep his emotions from betraying him. After Leo, Donnie was the most perceptive of his siblings' feelings. Raph couldn't bear to tell Donnie what he knew, both for his sake and April's. As angry as Raph was feeling towards her, he still wanted to respect the privacy of April's own feelings. That was a contributing factor of why he had spent so much time up in the damn tree tonight. Raph had no further business sticking his nose into the matter, and he was desperately wishing he hadn't in the first place.

Being skilled in the arts they grew up training in, it took Donnie only a moment to settle himself into the tree. There was a solid branch just a few feet above where Raph rested, and he seated himself on it, allowing his legs to swing freely beneath him.

"Nice night." He looked down at Raph to see he was still covering his face. He watched his brother inhale deeply before exhaling and dropping his arms down to either side of himself. Raph looked up to meet his gaze. Donnie noticed immediately the hardness in his eyes, a sure sign that he was struggling with his temper.

"Raph, what's the matter?" Donnie asked quietly. He watched his immediate older brother scrunch his face up at the question. What could he say to that?

"I'm just… stressed out I guess." Raph put forth his best grousing voice, "I miss Sensei. It's killing me not knowing if he's alive or dead. I feel like utter trash about Leo. I know how frustrated he is about his knee and I can't seem to help him get his spirits up." Raph huffed out a hot breath at the end of his spiel. None of it was a lie, these were things that weighed on his mind. But they were things that also made for the perfect scapegoat to avoid the real issue he was dealing with.

"I know Raph. But you can't worry yourself for Leo. He'll get better, really. Before you know it, he'll be kicking all of our butts again in practice. Then you'll be mad at yourself for even helping him in the first place." Donnie answered with that wicked sense of humor that he always deployed in times such as these. "And as far as Sensei goes, we just have to keep hoping. I really believe he's still alive, and we'll be all together again soon." This response was gentler. Donnie had been working hard to believe what he was telling his, as the unknown had also been eating him up over the course of the last few months. But if Splinter had taught them anything, hope was the most valuable ally in times like these.

Raph only grunted in response. He was right of course. Donnie was always right. But more importantly, Donnie seemed satisfied with the answer Raph had given him. They sat in silence for a few moments, looking at the leaves in the moonlight.

"Did you and April have a fight?" Donnie asked quietly. Damn! Raph had to bite his lip from keeping himself from cursing out loud. When his response didn't come right away, Donnie explained the root of his question. "When we got home, she wasn't her normal self. April just passed it off as being tired. But when you had disappeared altogether I started to wonder. You always disappear when you're angry." Donatello, ever observant, would pick up on those two irregularities being connected. Raph held his tongue for a moment, choosing his words carefully. He wasn't going to lie to him.

"Yeah, but it was just the two of us not seeing eye to eye on something. Over what to slice the vegetables with."

Ok, he wasn't going to lie to him mostly.

Donnie looked at Raph intently for a moment, mulling over that possibility. Raph watched as his brother analyzed before his eyes popped wide.

"You helped April with dinner?" Disbelieve was dripping in his voice, which was well placed. Raph was almost never found in the kitchen when meals were being prepped. He avoided it at all cost.

"Well, I guess I was feeling generous since you idiots left her with all the work for the truck. That damn knife debacle will teach me." Raph crossed his arms and grunted. He looked up at Donnie to see if the act bought it, but only saw the conflict in his eyes. Raph could read his thoughts; Donnie felt conflicted that there was an issue between brother and love interest. Raph let out a weighty sigh before tapping Don's shin. "Don't worry D, I'll smooth everything out with April later."

Donnie nodded at that, seeming content with that answer. He looked back up to see what stars could be seen through the leaves, and Raph joined him. They remained like this together for a while, quietly soaking in the night. Raph eventually looked over to his brother and saw that he looked relaxed. Donnie's body was loose, not the same ridged form it had been in for days. And Raph knew exactly why. He was excited about this weird new possibility with April that he still didn't understand fully. It made Raph slightly sick to his stomach.

But then he wondered, what if April decided that Donnie was worth living a secret life? He suddenly wondered if given the right amount of time if that possibility would become a reality. But could he risk gambling Donnie's heart for that time? That was something Raph hadn't been calculating while being up in the tree. Which suddenly reminded him.

"Donnie, how did you know I was up here?"

"I've known about the tree since you first started coming up after Leo woke up." Donnie's voice was even but was filled with that smug, all-knowing attitude he often possessed. Raph didn't have time to be peeved at the tone though. Now he was worried that Donnie knew he had been up here earlier. Maybe that is why he was really asking about the fight.

"Oh, you have? I thought I had been doing a pretty good job sneaking up." Raph kept his voice brisk.

"Oh, you do. I've never seen you go up, and once you're in it is difficult to find you. But I can see you from the barn roof."

"The barn roof?!"

"What?" Donnie looked down at him, a smirk plastered on his face, "You think you're the only one who has a spot to hide in when they want to think?" The response made Raph break out in a matching smirk, feeling relief. It couldn't be proved 100%, but because he had been caught from a different vantage point he felt surer that maybe Donnie didn't know he had been up there this afternoon. Then it occurred to Raph that he wouldn't have talked to April if he did. Donnie was far too private to risk such things. As Raph settled back down to look at the stars, Donnie continued.

"Don't worry Raph, your secret is safe with me."

XXXXXXX

Raph found April in her room later that evening. For as late as it was, he was surprised she was still awake. Or maybe he shouldn't have been. By the looks of her eyes, after she opened the door, she had been crying for a long while.

"Raph!" She breathed out. Her lips came together thin and tight, nervous as she looked at him, waiting.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking," Raph voice was low and threatening, not willing to disturb the rest of the house but remain unwavering. "I'm going to keep my big mouth shut. Give you time to think over what we 'discussed' tonight. I know it's complicated, and I am not going to pretend that it is an easy decision. Because it ain't. But you give me one reason to think you're going to give D a heartache, I am going to make your life a living hell. Are we clear?"

April blinked a few times at that before she nodded.

"Good." Raph reached over and patted her shoulder. "Then, good night April."

Without saying anything else, Raph turned on his heels and headed off to his designated corner of the house. He was aggravated, sore, and tired. Today had been long, and quite frankly, stupid in a lot of ways. Yet, oddly enough, Raphael also found himself hoping.

He was now in the corner rooting for his little brother.