Mom and Dad.
i.
She wasn't the son in Bering and Son's, even when everyone else thought she was. She met, she exceededevery expectation, every hope that Warren Bering had for her. She did it all willingly, with enthusiasm because she honestly loved books just as much as he did. She loved the store too but everything changed when she stopped pretending to be a son and heir. After that every achievement fell short, every decision was frivolous or dangerous. After that she had the voice of a barmaid.
In the end she decided that it didn't matter, she didn't love books or languages or fencing because her parents wanted her too. In the end she had nothing to prove to anyone but herself. It didn't mean that trips back home wouldn't hurt, it didn't mean that her Mom woudn't try to bring father and daughter together. It didn't mean that things weren't difficult but visits were few and far between and in the mean time, she'd built her own life on her own terms.
Tracy
ii.
Tracy was her sister and Myka figured that maybe it was always hard with siblings.
Tracy was everything that she never was, she fit. She fit with their parents even if she wasn't the book worm that Myka had always been. She fit with other kids, she fit with boy's and everyone was always so sure of exactly who Tracy Bering was and where she belonged.
She was the daughter that their parent's had expected and no one ever questioned it.
She wouldn't swap their lives and she didn't want Tracy's but maybe Myka did kinda resent her sister...just a little bit. They never just got each other and it was always difficult.
Sam
iii.
With Sam there were other things to worry about, other things that were difficult. Their jobs, secret service policy, his marriage and eventually his death.
She'd long since become accustomed to the whispers and the scandal that accompanied her career in the secret service and when she fell in love with Sam it was only one more thing that people could talk about behind her back. It didn't matter because she was very good at the job and it didn't matter because they loved each other.
She honestly began to see a future, one that might be their's not just her's but then he died. She mourned and she sucked it up to press on with her life despite the pain. Her life had been better than, easier than most even but never the less it remained a struggle and she was used to fighting for her place in the world.
The Warehouse
iv.
The Warehouse began as a problem, as a derailment of her plans, of her life. She wasn't about to just surrender control of what she'd fought so hard for.
In the end though, even if she did fight to feel trusted, to feel more than disposable, she couldn't resist it.
It was more than danger and fascinating history, more than miles of artifacts that she would have been happy to linger around forever. It was people too and people were always difficult.
Artie who she struggled with at first. Who she couldn't trust, who held her at arms length like colleagues often had and eventually proved that he did see her. Proved that he trusted her and was proud of her like her father never was.
Claudia who had broken into their lives and stayed. Who hugged her with ease, who looked up to her and regarded the details of her life as just another fact. Who's shared affection and familiarity sometimes shook Myka, taking her a moment to realise that she was safe.
Leena, who saw straight into people. Who bore through her wariness, gently insisting that a strange house in South Dakota that had never been what Myka planned, might be home.
All of this took Myka time to trust, to open herself up to,
and then there was Pete...
Pete.
v.
In the beginning it was difficult with Pete and not because she couldn't deal with him finding out. Even before Sam she was used to the stares that accompanied Secret Service back ground checks. She was used to whispers about how people like that don't protect the President, in the end she'd been too good at the job not to do it.
It was difficult with Pete because as it turned out he wasn't just another ex-military ass hole. Sure he drove her crazy but he was an incredible partner, he was a really sweet guy and as time went on he was the little brother she'd never had. They were siblings in a way that she'd never been with Tracy.
It was difficult with Pete because she'd almost never done this before, she'd almost never trusted someone like this. Even after he'd been to her parents place, even after he'd seen her childhood photos and quite possibly the fear in her eyes, he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and with an honest smile simply told her.
"Mykes, it's alright you're still you, everything's cool ok!"
She wasn't used to letting her guard down, she wasn't used to having a place at the table and in the beginning it was difficult with Pete because it really wasn't.
Helena.
vi.
It was never difficult with Helena. Sometimes there was more pain than she could have ever imagined, sometimes she felt like the world might end and once it almost did but it was never difficult until Helena wasn't there.
H. G. Wells remained the one thing in her life that just fit.
When Myka shared a past that she was usually far more reticent about, the woman from a hundred years ago's eyes shone like they always did. They'd grown intent and piercing as in the middle of the night, laying on her bed at the B&B Helena crossed the small distance that remained between them. Her hand breached the barrier that was marked only by the pages of a book laying open on the sheets. With a cheek gently cupped in the other woman's hand Myka knew that Helena simply understood.
Helena understood right from the start and she didn't even blink at what Myka's body might have meant. Nights that began with shared stories from treasured pages, soon turned into more and the lingering pain, the lingering insecurity that intimacy often brought simply
didn't exist, not with Helena.