Stay
AN: So I know I'm supposed to be on hiatus and focus on my course etc but I keep getting distracted with ideas for more angst fics. Here is an angst one-shot of FR saying goodbye in senior year. Enjoy! Reviews are gold. :)
P.S. The lyrics are from song Stay by Gavin Degraw.
Won't you stay? I need you here, when you're with me, all others disappear. I'll follow close, so close I'll almost touch. I need your love but it never hurt this much.
He lets her go.
He needs her here but he says nothing at all, fighting tears as she stands beside him at the bus station.
Their eyes are locked and they're just staring at each other, no words spoken. He can't say anything. He physically can't form the words to make her stay. She's going, leaving him behind and there's nothing he can do about it.
They had a year, a great year, the best. She's unforgettable and he always wants her.
He misses her already and she hasn't even boarded the coach yet.
She's better off without him, he decides. She's always been far too good for him. And he's never been good enough for her.
They'd always have this tumultuous relationship and drive each other nuts. She'd grow to resent him if he followed her to the big city of her dreams. It would be like him asking her to give him a part of herself without really deserving it. He doesn't deserve her.
They wasted a whole two fucking years and he screwed it all up. This is all his fault.
His throat dries up and he swallows the lump, a tear rolling down his cheeks as he reaches for her own face, rubbing his thumb against the blush creeping in her plump little cheek.
'I'm gonna miss you so much.' His voice is hoarse and she weeps into his shoulders.
His grey t-shirt clad chest is soaked with her tears and he clings to her as she buries her head in his chest, stroking her hair soothingly.
He's soothing away her pain but he can't for the life of him figure out how he'll deal with his own. He can't imagine life without her, her arms, her legs, her lips, her face, her laugh, her dramatic tantrums. He wants so badly to tell her stay, stay with him because he needs her like he needs oxygen in his lungs. She's his whole life, his whole world and without her, he's nothing.
He says nothing. He wipes his own tears, her own dainty little hands reaching up to wipe his cheek as she kisses him one last time. Her lips claim his and their tongues battle for dominance, dancing a tango as he holds her face, she wraps her arms around his neck and he lifts her up so she can wrap her legs around his waist, his hands cupping her ass as he kisses her, her neck, her cheek, her temple then closing the gap between them with a searing kiss that takes all the air of their lungs.
They break apart and he feels himself breaking apart everywhere, he's shattering into a million pieces and she's looking him that way of hers, the way a look tells him everything she feels, that she loves him and probably always will. That this isn't goodbye. Her lips morph into a weak smile and he sighs, his own face breaking into a crooked smile as he holds up in the air.
'You're gonna rock New York, Rach.' He just knows it. She's gonna rule the world someday.
People she'll meet will have their lives changed forever cause of her, she's that special.
She's magic.
He feels blessed to have had her in his life, cherishing her and loving her like nothing or no one else.
He feels like all the air has been sucked out of her lungs when she slides down from his body and stares at the bus waiting for her to go.
It's time. It's time to say goodbye. It's time to let her go.
He never really did let her move on whenever they were part, he never let go of her, always pulled towards her, a string running between his heart and hers, the distance making it strain, missing her when she goes.
He knows she'll be fine without him. He also knows he won't be the same without her.
He feels his heart break as she looks back him, as if pleasing him to beg her to stay. Her eyes are shining on him
Her hair is swaying by her bare shoulders, her hand holding his jacket. She asked he let her keep it as a reminder of him and it looks better on her anyway. She puts in on before she steps onto the bus and she watches how the jacket engulfs her petite frame and smiles a little.
He breathes out, fighting tears and she darts her eyes at him once more, slinging her bag of her slender shoulders.
'I love you', she yells.
'I love you more!' He declares.
The bus driver is rolling his eyes at the display of affection. They always were the dramatic couple.
She steps in the couch and his eyes follow her as she takes a seat by the window as the couch begins to start her journey without him.
He digs his hands in his fleece and the couch turns as she watches his figure standing in his spot in the gravelly ground and he smiles, waving her off.
Just as she's out of sight, he turns around, his hands digging into his jeans pocket to find a folder piece of paper.
His eyes scan the writing on the headed paper of Hunter College.
He got in. New York. He remembers her screaming and jumping into his arms in excitement over NYU.
He just couldn't. He couldn't follow her. What if it never worked out and what they had was just some fantasy about high school love? Maybe that's all they really were – high school sweethearts.
She's a star, she needs to shine.
He lets her go, refusing to be the guy who anchors her to a life of mediocrity that he can only offer.
He reads the acceptance again before it tearing it apart and walking away.
His figure retreats in the distance of her horizon, fading into the background, empty now without her attached to him.
Instead of leaving me standing in sorrow, I know that you'll understand. I hope that you'll understand. I know that I was wrong but just to walk away.