I could feel his eyes on me, looking at me, searching me. I was listening to the heart of my patient, but I could still feel the shivers going down my spine at the intensity of his look. Getting up from my patient, I spoke to him.
"Looks like we've hit the final wave."
"I need to talk to you," he said, grabbing my arm roughly and shoving me into the room.
"Now? I'm heading into..." I was cut off by him, "What is wrong with you?"
"You!"
"Me?" I was shocked. Why the hell would he have cared about the fact that I was in love with him. He had a girlfriend, he was in love with his girlfriend – why the hell would he care?
"Yeah, you come over here... Why do you tell me this now?" That's what this was about?
"Why do you even care?"
"You didn't say anything all those times, all those years, so why now?" He wanted answers and I couldn't give them to him. I couldn't hurt him more than I already had.
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I don't know, I don't know. What does it even matter?" I asked, "You never felt the same way..." I'd been in love with him for years, but he's never loved me in return. He's never even hinted that he felt the same. I'd always just assumed that the closeness between us on his part was friendship.
"Of course I did..." What? He never even let on...he never even mentioned it; so many missed chances, so much that we could have done together, if only I knew. "Of course I did. I had those feelings for you Teddy, for years, but you never gave me anything."
What? The only reason I never gave him a sign or hint was because he was engaged.
"You were engaged." He kept talking, his voice rising with every word.
"You never gave me anything, not even a hint."
"You were engaged. You were engaged." My voice was rising also. "What?"
"I have loved you forever," I whispered, my heart was pounding, "I have loved you when I was coupled up, I have loved you when I was single. I have loved you for every second of every day." This man was the man I dreamt about, was the man I thought about and this was the man who I compared every man I met to. "I love you; I'm in love with you."
I was so close to him, I could feel his breath on my skin and I could feel the shivers running up my back. I touched my face to his, taking in the feeling of his skin on mine. For a moment, I almost imagined that I was going to get my happy ending.
"I'm in love with Cristina." It was like a bucket of ice water was dumped on my head. I barely even noticed as he left the room. A tear made its way down my cheek, but before I had a chance to recover, my pager went off.
Looking down, I saw a page from Cristina – it was ironic. Wiping my tear, I headed out of the room.