I Thought Villains Weren't Supposed to take Sick Days
A MegamindXRoxanne One-shot
Hey peoples! I was reading some Megamind when this idea came to me! Should be fun.
ITVWSTTSD (Yes, that is the official abbreviation)
Something was up.
Roxanne Ritchie loved her schedules. She always knew when she had an interview, always knew when she needed to be at work and, although it was somewhat random, she almost always knew when she would be kidnapped.
Of course, she couldn't predict exactly when the alien fish named Minion would come around with his can of Knock Out Spray, but it was always at least once a week. His boss, the extremely dramatic and terribly predictable villain, Megamind never failed to come up with an evil scheme after that time frame. It made sense; a brain that big had to sprout a lot of ideas, albeit, not very good ideas.
But this time it was different; it had been about 2 and a half weeks since her last kidnapping. It didn't really bother Roxanne at first, she enjoyed the break from the constant headaches the Spray induced, as well as contorted smell from the horrible bag they always placed on her head. However, after a while, it got on her nerves.
It wasn't like she enjoyed the kidnappings, but it made her worried; if Megamind was silent, it either meant that he was working on something big that took more than two days to complete, or he died. She wasn't a horrible person, and didn't want anyone to die, even Megamind as much as she hated to admit.
So, Roxanne did the only thing that was sensible; she called Metro Man. Literally; she stood on her balcony and hollered his superhero name into the wind.
He was there in five seconds of course, looking quite concerned. "What's wrong?" He asked, still using his superhero act. It was one of her least favorite things about him, how he loved the camera, but this was important.
"I need you to get Minion for me." She said, jumping right in.
Although she was blindfolded when she was kidnapped, the superhero never was. He knew the area quite well, and could talk to Minion.
It was quite strange; Metro Man never took Megamind to jail unless he kidnapped Roxanne or tried something crazy. Normally it was a combination of the two. Then again, kidnapping her once a week was crazy enough by itself.
Metro Man's face twisted with confusion. "Why?"
"I haven't been kidnapped in almost 3 weeks." She said that as if it was obvious.
"And you worry about that, why...?" She sighed.
"I'm worried because that could mean something bad! Please, just talk to Minion and get him to come over here."
"I had noticed that Megamind was quiet. Actually, he called in last week that he was taking so break."
Roxanne sighed. "Well, just get him over here."
"Of course Roxanne." Then he took off.
She figured it wouldn't take long. Metro Man was probably talking to Minion as she sat in her living room.
Maybe 10 minutes later, there was a knock at her door. She opened it, to see Minion standing there. There was no sack in sight.
"You wanted to see me, Miss Ritchie?" He asked. Roxanne nodded. Then she frowned.
"How'd you get past my doorman?" She asked. If an alien fish could blush, that's probably what he would have been doing. He looked embarrassed, which counted as something.
Minion produced a small blue cube. Roxanne's eyes widened. "Not Carlos too!" She said, frowning.
"Sorry, Miss Ritchie. I'll set him straight later. What's the problem?"
"Why haven't I been kidnapped recently?" She asked. Minion looked confused.
"You're saying you want to be kidnapped?" He asked. She sighed.
"No, why is everyone assuming that?! I'm just worried about Megamind. And his plans. Could you please take me to the Lair?"
Minion looked nervous. "Well... I'm probably not supposed to-"
"PLEASE?!" She asked, pulling puppy eyes. They weren't as powerful as Megamind's, but they were close.
Minion sighed. "Oh, alright! I'll get the-"
"NO SPRAY!" She shouted. "Wait here."
Roxanne moved to her bedroom and grabbed her black sleep mask. She came back to the door.
"I can put this on before we get in the car." She said, and Minion nodded.
"Alright then, let's go."
...
When the two reached the Lair, Roxanne really started to get worried; there were no Brainbots in sight. She couldn't even hear their "bowging".
As Minion led her deeper into parts of the Lair she had never even been before, the stench started to bother her. Normally, the Lair smelled like oil, a bit of smoke, and grease. She had gotten used to it, being she was there every week. But this part was starting to smell like vomit.
They passed a kitchen and a bathroom, then came to a door at the end of the hallway. Now there were Brainbots swarming everywhere, some with tissues and cloths, some with empty trays and even a few with buckets holding something that smelled horrible. "He's in there." Minion said softly.
Roxanne knocked first. There was a groan from the room, and a faint "Come in."
She pushed open the door, and crossed the threshold. She examined what she assumed to be Megamind's room.
He had a lot of his weird gadgets in there, and the walls were black with electric blue lightening bolts. There were no windows, and the carpet was also black. His bed was black, also with lightening bolts. A closed door led to what she assumed was an adjoining bathroom.
The smell of vomit was the strongest there, and she could only imagine why. Her eyes finally landed on a familiar blue figure, who was tossing and turning in his bed.
"Minion, I need a new barf bucket." Megamind moaned pitifully, and his hands moved to his temples. "Oh, my giant blue head..." He curled himself into a ball, whimpering.
A bolt of sadness and pity sparked in her heart. She had been on the wrong side of the flu- which she only assumed that it was what he was experiencing. It wasn't pleasent, but it was probably worse for the blue alien, who probably didn't have an immune system that knew how to handle Earth germs well. The size of his head probably didn't help the headaches.
Roxanne quietly crossed the room, and sat on the edge of his bed. She tentatively reached out and placed the back of her hand on his forehead, which was thankfully visible. It turned out the size of his head did come in handy sometimes.
His forehead was extremely hot, and it was clear he had a fever. He tensed at her touch, and tried to roll away. "Minion, if I live, I will kill you." He moaned to himself. He was probably talking about Minion letting someone other than himself into the Lair. Roxanne tensed at his belief that he might not make it out alive.
"Hey, it's just me." She murmured, throwing away anything snarky she had saved for him before she came here.
"Roxanne." He said, curling tighter into a ball. "I don't remember scheduling a kidnapping today." Roxanne searched for the sarcasm in his voice, but there was none. He seemed too sick to make any remarks.
"I came here myself. Don't worry, I was blindfolded." He relaxed once she said that. Then he moaned.
"It hurts so much." He got out. Roxanne nodded.
"I understand. It's not fun. Let me go get you a cold washcloth." She moved to stand up from the bed, but his sweaty hand enclosed around her wrist.
"No. Stay, please." He was so distraught he had even said please. She stopped moving, and edged closer, so he'd know she was there.
Minion came in a bit later, bringing supplies. He had another barf bucket, and a washcloth. He didn't have any medicine, which concerned Roxanne.
When she asked, he didn't seem fazed. "Sir and I figured out a long time ago that he and I didn't have the same immune systems as humans. Their medicine wouldn't work on him. He just has to wait until his body manages to fight off the disease."
Roxanne nodded. Megamind was muttering, totally ignoring their conversation. Roxanne took the cool cloth and put it on his forehead.
Minion left a while later, saying he was going to get some more pillows and make some soup. As soon as he left, Megamind clutched his stomach.
"I think I'm going to be sick again." He moaned, and reached for the barf bucket Minion had left at the side of his bed. Roxanne moved it closer and placed a hand on his back as he heaved.
The sounds he made were horrible. It was like he was also getting rid of his internal organs. And when there was nothing left, he just kept dry heaving. It made her skin crawl.
When he was finished, he lay back into the pillows, bringing his knees up. The sheets had been kicked away, showing his black/blue pajamas with little hazard signs on them, as well as a sleep cape. "How can I be so hot yet so cold at the same time?" He whispered, shivers racking his body.
"It's crazy, and awful, I understand. I can't even imagine the pain you're going through right now. Do you need anything?"
He shook his head frantically. "Just. You." This took her aback, and she blinked a few times before nodding.
"Of course." He turned over, trying to get comfortable, and she took this as an opportunity. She placed a hand on his back and starting rubbing, easing the tension. His muscles relaxed a bit.
Later on, Minion came back with pillows and soup. Roxanne eased Megamind up and Minion propped some pillows behind him. Roxanne offered to help him, to which he nodded, and eventually the bowl was empty.
When he was finished, Roxanne could tell he needed sleep. There were dark blue and purple shadows under his eyes, almost like someone smudged pen ink under them.
"You need to get some rest." Roxanne said, and rearranged his pillows so he could lie back down. He looked reluctant. "I won't leave, I promise." He nodded, and was soon in a deep sleep.
An hour later, Minion came back into the room. "He's asleep now, Miss. Ritchie. I could drive you home, if you'd like."
Roxanne shook her head. "I think I'll stay here for awhile, if that's ok with you."
Minion nodded. "That's just fine, Miss Ritchie. Call if you need anything."
The door closed, and Roxanne sighed. A hand fell across Megamind's face, and she rubbed it on his head. This would be a lot easier if he had hair, but he didn't, so she just rubbed his head.
"Feel better Megamind." She said, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "I can't get my frequent kidnapping card stamped without the evil genius to kidnap me first."
...
Megamind woke sometime after, squirming in pain. Roxanne was starting to nod off herself until she saw him, and was instantly jolted awake.
"Destined... Me...Dad..." He was mumbling things in his sleep, and when Roxanne put a hand to his forehead, he was hotter than before.
"Minion!" She called, heartbeat elevating.
Metal footsteps came clanging down the hall and soon Minion was at the door. He took a look at Megamind and instructed Roxanne to put a cold cloth on his head. And to make sure that it covered his whole head.
Roxanne nodded and quickly went to the sink in the private bathroom and soaked the cloth in cold water. She came back and placed it on his head.
"So there's really nothing we can do?" She asked, trying to calm to writhing Megamind.
Minion racked his brain. His big brown eyes widened after a minute. "Wait here." He said, and was off.
Megamind still wasn't making any sense, rambling off about destiny and evil and some dad. Roxanne's reporter brain tried to pull it all together, but there wasn't a lot to hang onto.
When Minion came back, he was holding a syringe filled with purple liquid. Roxanne's eyes widened. "What's that?"
"Something I should have thought of a long time ago." He said, and put inserted the liquid into Megamind.
Ten minutes later, Megamind stopped wiggling so much. He sank back into the bed, and was soon snoring softly. Roxanne sighed in relief, and pulled the covers over his pajamas, which she secretly loved.
"Care to explain?" She asked, once everything had died down.
Minion nodded. "When Sir's parents sent him to Earth, I remembered that they packed along a liquid that could help him fight off Earth germs. We kept it in storage, Sir being a little too confident that we would ever need it. Looks like we did."
"So, this will help him get better?" She asked.
Minion nodded, and Roxanne sighed again in relief. Megamind was going to get better.
A few hours later, Megamind finally woke up, the smudges of purple-blue vanished, and the dull eyes bright and shining once again.
When he saw her, he rubbed his eyes once and blinked. "Minion..." He said, glancing at her uncomfortably. "What is Miss. Ritchie doing in my evil bedroom?"
Roxanne laughed and smiled. "Don't worry your giant blue head about it."
The End.
Bonus Chapter (In Megamind's POV)
Megamind flipped through the channels, looking for something to pass the time before he left with Minion to kidnap Miss Ritchie. It had been about a week since he recovered, and he was ready with a new scheme he called "The Destructasaur". It was deliciously evil, and he couldn't wait to get started.
When he reached Channel 8, he scrubbed his eyes. Roxanne was not reporting.
"This is Elizabeth Reaper, in for a sick Roxanne Ritchie, reporting live from-" Megamind shut off the tv.
He had gotten her sick.
"MINION!" Megamind called. "GET THE BARF BUCKETS AND TISSUES!" He smoothed the color of his cape and ran into the "gerage" where Minion was waiting.
"What's this about, Sir?" Minion asked as Megamind grabbed a surgical mask from the glove compartment.
"We're going to visit our sick hostage."
End of Bonus Chapter
Hope you enjoyed, this was fun! I love Pre- Movie Roxamind