True
(A Zach and Kendall Fan Fiction)
Song Lyrics: "True" by Ryan Cabrera
Standing there, beneath ivy, light and night, Zach searched Kendall's eyes for something. Desperately searching for what he felt for her in her face. But just a sad expression fell upon her. His black suit concealed his anxiety but inside he was breaking. Her piercing glance penetrated every part of his body. He had just been holding her, holding her so close to him, as they danced underneath the stars. And it was then, that he realized that he couldn't live without her.
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move 'till you finally see
That you belong with me
She backed away from him. "Why are you doing this? This is settled… We're divorced." she said, fear simmering in her eyes as she looked at him. "Well, that shouldn't have happened." He said, inching closer and closer towards her. He thought that she had never looked more beautiful in the entirety of their marriage. Perhaps it was the pregnant glow? Or her flawless makeup? Or the admission of undying love on his part that made her become flushed? The longer he looked at her, the harder his heart pounded in his chest. His insides reached out for her but she kept eluding his grasp and he was so afraid that she would run farther and faster, so much faster that he could never catch her. Of course, she would go on, and never look back at him as she stretched across the horizon, but him; He would always see the fleeting image of her, but never catch her. "How do you know that this isn't another mistake?" She asked and the word 'mistake' stung Zach. "But you know what, somewhere along the way… I swear… I thought you loved me too…" he said, sadly.
You might think I don't look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
'Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
'Cause my heart keeps falling faster
Kendall looked at him with confusion. "Are you afraid of me? Afraid to trust me? Feel for me?" Zach asked. He swallowed hard, trying to not make his voice crack. A sign or something, he wondered, something to assure him that Kendall loved him. He sighed heavily and lowered his eyes. The words exchanged between them washed over him. His hands were in his pockets and he gave the façade of being genuinely composed. Inside, he was in knots. Anguish was tearing at his heart with every accusation and every rejection of his love. "I'm going to kill my sister… What? She couldn't save our marriage so she wants to try to help me and have you take pity on her poor pregnant sister, is that it? Is this pity? Zach, I don't need your pity, ok? I don't need your pity or you." She said, angrily, walking past him. She strode by him in slow motion. If he didn't act, Kendall would surely walk out of his life for good. As quick as a reflex, he moved over to the side so that she collided with him, his hands gently pushing her back so that he could meet her eyes with his. "You tell me how you feel, right now" he said, without thinking, he put his hand on her chest, directly over her heart, "Tell me what makes you happy, tell me and I'll do it… Tell me how to love you."
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
He had never begged for a woman's love until that moment. Kendall just had this great power over him. He felt completely helpless and powerless when she looked at him with those piercing blue eyes. Her eyes had this way of breaking him down to his core and she could see right through him. Everything he had ever felt in his life, she could see. But he couldn't take his eyes off her. Never. His eye followed every inch of her body and with every glance, a new wall around his heart was smashed to rubble. He saw her fleeting thoughts dart in her eyes. She looked confused, scared, nervous, just something behind her eyes… he couldn't pinpoint it. "I didn't… I didn't expect… I don't… How am I supposed to do this?" she said, fumbling through her thoughts obviously. "You don't trust me… and that's ok… I see that… I've lied to you… I've lied to a lot of people, about a lot of things… but I'm not lying now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanna to go to sleep with you, and wake up with you and… face whatever the new day has to bring, with you. I wanna laugh… cry… and I wanna make love to you… I do… and I don't wanna change who you are… I love who you are… and I love who've you been… and I love who you're gonna be… but you know, whatever you decide, it doesn't matter because I'm gonna honor you and if you don't want me in your life, I will walk away from you, I promise." Zach said, wrestling with his emotions as he made his last impassioned plea for Kendall's love. He felt like he was drowning, reaching out his hand to Kendall to pull him up. Silent tears rolled down her face as he spoke. Her lips pursed as they always did when she cried and she continued to stare into his eyes.
You don't know what you do
Every time you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
He waited for an answer in that endless moment between them underneath the lights, the ivy, and the final moments of 2005. She shivered slightly, in reaction to the sudden breeze or to what he said he didn't know. She opened her mouth to say something but the words that she wanted to say couldn't make it past her lips. In his mind, he was holding out his hand for her and the longer she paused, the more she seemed to fade away. But he didn't want her to fade, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, feel her soft brown hair on his face, smell the newest Fusion fragrance on her neck, and the more that he thought, the more he realized how he couldn't possibly walk away from her.
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
"I—I can't… Zach, I can't do this… I'm sorry…" she said, finally finding her words. He blinked and smiled sadly. She was gone and Zach felt himself sink deeper and deeper into his own despair. No matter how hard he tried to pull himself up from drowning and no matter how hard he tried to reach out for her, she had already gone, vanished from his vision. He came to her and leaned over but paused before kissing her on her cheek. He shut his eyes and winced as if he had just been stabbed. He released his bottom lip and kissed her softly on her cheek. When he pulled away, a fresh tear rolled down Kendall's face. He caressed it off her face and slowly smoothed over his cheek with his fingers. "Happy New Year…" he said, sadly. He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned around slowly. He looked up at the lights of the patio of the casino for a split second before sauntering back towards the lobby. Before he could reach the awning, Kendall shouted, "Zach, wait!"
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
Zach's feet stopped and he slowly turned around to look at Kendall. He took two steps and stared at her sadly. He felt like he was crawling back towards her, unable to muster the strength himself, he had to pull himself to her after the devastation of her rejection. He stood there and she said nothing for the longest time. She was fidgeting with her hands like she always did when she was nervous. He could tell that she was building up the nerve to tell him something. She blinked slowly and sighed and said, "I love you." For a fleeting second, he thought that he was hallucinating. His heart skipped a beat but his composure looked skeptical. A relieved smile broke across Kendall's face and she just reiterated it over and over and over. "I do… I love you… I love you so much," she said, smiling. She sighed with relief and she couldn't help but to smile. He saw it in her eyes and he saw that she was reaching out for him now. He smiled as his heart filled with such happiness that he had never known that he could ever feel again. He strode towards her and pulled her into this endless kiss of love, devotion and adoration. She had pulled him out and right into her heart.
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true