Never Gonna Give You Up

Category: Friendship/Angst

Pairing: Johnny/Dutch friendship, Dutch Soldier

Summary: Dutch is dealing with D'avin in her own way but Johnny's not going to let her spiral down a path of self-sabotage. Set after S01E07 "Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye."

Warnings: Minor sexual suggestions/situations and strong language.

Disclaimer: None.

Authors Notes: I'm hoping this isn't too OOC :P Also it's very late and my eyes are sorta blurry so I apologize for any typos! Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated :) XxXx

"Dutch we've got... whoa-" Johnny threw his hand up trying to obscure the sight of his partner straddling another man, "sorry... ignore me, I'm leaving."

Despite the immediate backpedal he knew the image of his half-naked best friend wasn't going anywhere anytime soon but he still kept his face covered as he felt for the door. He was used to barging into her room unannounced and up until recently it hadn't been a problem but ever since D'avin had pulled a Jekyll and Hyde, things had been tense and his partner had apparently found her own way of dealing with the situation.

"It's okay," she called out halting him in his tracks.

She was still wearing a bra and the bed sheets saved most of her modesty. Not that she cared... or was in any way phased by the compromising position. Truth was the sex had been amateur and she'd almost forgotten they were having it until Johnny had burst in breaking up the monotony. She was going through the motions, searching for any kind of distraction to keep her occupied but this time she was grateful for the interruption. "We're done here anyway."

The man beneath her...Jared, Jed? Whatever his name was, he shot her a look of disbelief.

"We are?"

She sighed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "Get dressed and get out."

The muted response didn't bother her and she climbed off him trying to keep her balance whilst tugging on her panties. Johnny was still in the doorway, his back facing them and she took a moment to steady herself before clambering down from the mattress.

The bottle of Hokk they'd been consuming was still open on the floor and she grabbed it on the way passed bringing it up to her mouth. It burnt like hell and she coughed roughly but the alcohol instantly took the edge off. No matter what she did, how hard she tried or how many men she slept with it was proving impossible to erase D'avin from her mind. His caring and attentive touch haunted her, dragging her down until she felt dizzy with need and not just for a physical release.

She missed him.

They way his eyes followed her with boyish amusement, the languid smile that made her stomach drop. She was hoping enough Hokk would dull the pain but so far it had only led to a string of suitors who failed to measure up. It was pathetic and she took another swig hoping her partner would be a more adequate distraction. "You were saying?"

Johnny turned around flinching as the smell of booze assaulted his nostrils and his gaze skipped over the little she was wearing to admonish the bottle in her hand. She could be standing stark naked in front of him and he wouldn't of cared. He'd seen it all before, the nature of undercover surveillance... but this was no act. His partner was absolutely hammered.

"Dutch, what are you doing?" He kept his voice low, ignoring the man scrambling to get dressed behind her. They both enjoyed a drink particularly after a rough warrant but it rarely got out off hand like this. She thrived on self control, always ready for the next mission but he was pretty sure if Bellus called, the older women would land her with more than just a stern warning.

Dutch ignored his unimpressed look and stretched her arm up against the doorway arching towards him, "having fun... what are you doing?"

The ghost of a smirk caught her lips as she shimmied closer and watched him try not to react to the movement. She knew she was making him uncomfortable but his gaze still flickered down her body and she gave a small purr of approval. He'd filled out since they met, becoming more distinguished and sporting a rougher appearance. Attractive by his own right but still lacking the chiseled muscles and towering height of his brother.

He wasn't D'avin.

But then, that was the point.

"Want to join?" She lifted a suggestive eyebrow, irked when a voice suddenly piped up from behind them.

"Uh, I'm not ok with-"

"Shut up." They both snapped in unison though neither one of them broke eye contact. Johnny had no idea what she was playing at, whether the game was about control or if she was trying to scare him off but he wasn't backing down and snatched the bottle from her hand to make his point. "Exactly how much have you had to drink?"

Not enough. She blinked back the image of D'avin that betrayed her resolve. All she wanted to do was forget but she couldn't. He was everywhere all the time... on the ship, at the bar, in her life, ripping her heart out with his guilt. She couldn't look at him without being suffocated by his wounded gaze and it wasn't fair, it wasn't his fault. She'd fallen for him, opened herself up to be vulnerable and now she couldn't forgive him for her own damn mistakes.

The silence stretched between them and for a split second Johnny thought he saw regret flash in her eyes but a crash behind them shattered the illusion. She jumped, drawing her arms around herself and anger pulsed through him as her 'friend' stumbled towards them. "Hey," he stuck his hand out pushing the stranger back. He should have let it go, a better man probably would have... but his fist struck out before he could curb the instinct connecting squarely with the man's face.

"She's drunk arsehole, most guys call that taking advantage." Johnny withdrew his hand, shaking the tingling from his fingers as a string of curse words flew up from the ground. He didn't care. If it had been D'avin who'd found him, he probably would have gotten a lot worse and he hoped Lucy let the door kick him on the way out.

A tug on his sleeve drew his attention back to Dutch and he turned, swallowing roughly as she danced her fingers across his knuckles. The scrap of uncertainty was gone from her expression replaced by an unsettling wave of desire and he had to force himself not to yank away as her mouth sucked the spilt alcohol from his hand.

It wasn't that he didn't find her attractive. His body was acutely aware of just how tantalizing and sexy her seduction technique was but for every right reason it offered him, his head countered with at least five wrong ones.

"Dutch."

She ignored the hint of warning in his tone as she stole the Hokk from his grasp and downed it letting the empty bottle fall to the floor. She didn't want to think. She needed to act and with a firm shove she pushed him up against the wall, opening her mouth along the hollow of his neck. He could deny it all he wanted but the way his body shook with anticipation spurred her on. Fuck it. She knew it was a mistake but she deserved the consequences, she wanted to hate herself.

He sucked in a breath, screwing his eyes shut as her teeth nipped below his ear. They might be best friends but her touch was like fire and there was a part of him that had always wondered what they'd be like together. He knew there was something missing, something she'd found with his older brother but right now he didn't care.

"Yalena," he breathed out her name, feeling it hitch in his throat as she pressed against him.

It was wrong, so god damn wrong and he hated himself for being turned on by it.

Deft fingers worked the buckle of his jeans and his eyes finally snapped open unable to pretend any longer. Sex ruined things and he wasn't going to trade the relationship they'd built up over the years for a quick fuck.

"Dutch, stop-" he grabbed her hands breathing heavily as he held them in place, "whatever you're trying to do, if you're trying to punish yourself then this isn't fair... on you or D'avin."

For a brief second she hated him. Hated how he was always selfless and kind even when he knew what a dark place the world could be. He was surrounded by damaged goods, screwed up people and mercenaries who lived for greed and war but he somehow he managed to rise above it all and she hated how that was the thing she loved most about him.

"But it's fair to you?" She questioned, pushing her frustration into a fight. He was losing his brother because of her, because she couldn't make their team work and if he wouldn't screw her then she'd find another way to prove that she didn't deserve his forgiveness.

"Don't." He knew exactly what she was doing and held her tightly trying to get through to her, "if I thought it would help I'd let you use my body as your own personal amusement park and before you say anything trust me, those motives are entirely selfish." Her resolve wavered slightly and a smirk tugged the corners of his mouth. It was a simple gesture but it was enough to make her back down and he watched her shoulders drop in resignation, breathing out a small sigh of relief, "I love you, ok? So you can stop being an idiot... because nothing you say or do is ever going to change that."

A dizzying wave of relief hit her and something in-between a laugh and a sob caught in her throat. She wanted to apologize, tell him she was sorry for everything but embarrassment expanded in her chest preventing the words from gaining momentum. She wanted to run but when his arms encircled her she gave in, finally allowing herself to feel safe. It was something she hadn't felt since D'avin's attack and the thought that she might never feel that way again with D'av terrified her more than she was willing to admit.

"I nearly killed him Johhny, I could have."

He heard the raw emotion in her voice and eased back so he could look at her. "It wasn't your fault, you were defending yourself."

She wanted to believe him but he hadn't been there, he hadn't heard the twisted cries of pain that she'd inflicted. All of her instincts had screamed to kill or be killed and she still didn't know how they had both come out of the fight alive. "Doesn't change the fact that I'm a trained a killer."

"No." His reaction was amendment, "you overwrote that programming years ago." Whatever Khlyen had made her do, it was her past and there was no way in hell he was going to let her doubt gain any kind of foothold. "I know you have to live with the things you've done, so does D'av... but neither of you have to do it alone and if you can't trust him, then at least trust yourself. Don't throw that confidence away because of one mistake."

She nodded slowly, curling her arms tightly around herself and he let go of her shoulders so he could shrug out of his shirt. She was exhausted, definitely still drunk and he had no intention of leaving her alone no matter how much she protested.

"Here, put this on."

She offered a grateful smile and he helped her into the sleeves drawing the fabric together at her front. The garment was too big but she took over buttoning it anyway and he sighed stretching his hand out and cradling it in the crook of her neck. "So, my room? No offence but I don't really want to sleep in here tonight." There was a brief pause of hesitation prompting him to nudge her, "say yes and I promise I won't bring up you wanting to jump my bones ever again."

A hot flush spread over her cheeks but it was the blatant lie that made her feel better. He'd never let her live it down but that's why they worked. They excepted each others flaws and they loved each other in spite of them.

"Shut up."

She shoved him playfully, feeling at ease as his arm draped over her shoulder. She'd made a lot of mistakes but shooting Johnny Jaqobis and then proceeding to hire him had turned out to be anything but.

"You know," she rested her head against his chest, letting her tone turn serious again, "I think you're the one thing I actually managed to get right."

He smiled breathing out slowly.

He wasn't the only thing, he just needed D'avin to figure out a way to prove it.