Disclaimer:
Roses are red violets are blue, I don't own Fruits Basket but neither do you. Translation: I don't own any of the characters from Fruits Basket, Natsuki Takaya does.
Azumanga Osaka Sama simply wrote this for a vocabulary assignment at school. Too bad her teacher said it was not realistic. Hello? It is ANIME/MANGA! Like heck it's gonna be realistic!
In this chapter, the only character I own is the old hag. Sadly, she has not been discharged from the hospital yet, the ICU to be exact. However, her grandchild is very pleased that she made it to the disclaimer. Read and you will understand.
WARNING: Azumanga Osaka Sama has a tendency to write stupid things…ENJOY!
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"Ya, damn rat!" Kyo snarled.
Tohru sighed. She silently wished that Kyo was actually enjoying his time with her. However, she could feel the tension between him and Yuki was even stronger than usual, it could be felt even in the cold, winter air. And with every insult one boy threw at the other, the colder it seemed. Kyo was so belligerent that even beating Yuki in a rock, paper, scissors match would keep him bragging for what felt like years.
"Damare, you stupid cat" the amethyst eyed youth stated simply, worn out and incoherent. He continued walking, Tohru followed behind hesitantly, hoping Kyo would follow. She glanced back with anticipation.
"Oh you shut up! Just you wait. I'll take you down right here, right now. Hey, don't you walk away from me pretty boy. Have you no shame?!" Kyo stormed, his anger level rising.
"Of course. I am ashamed that Miss Honda and I can't even go Christmas shopping without you making such a scene in public." He motioned to all those poor innocent bystanders that cowered in fear. "Your captious tirade is becoming quite a nuisance. " Yuki kept walking "baka neko" he muttered.
"I heard that! Come on rat boy, today you are going down. We are finishing this outside!" Kyo was fired up for a fight
"We ARE outside. Let me think. Why aren't we inside right now? Oh now I remember! Because of your nonsense gibberish we haven't been able to get through the front door of the mall…baka."
Poor Tohru was practically in tears now. Being the amicable person she was, seeing them fight saddened her. Oh what she would give for one of them to at least try to walk within three feet of the other. How they survived in the same house and still keep their sanity was truly a mystery.
"I am asking you nicely, would you please be quiet now?" Yuki attempted to say in an affable manner despite his mood.
"Just try and stop me," Kyo replied pugnaciously.
"P-please stop it both of you!" Tohru cried, desperately trying to end their dispute. Then, as if an answer to her request, Yuki pulled a bunch of leeks apparently from out of no where and shoved them all in Kyo's mouth. Tohru stared at him incredulously.
"Oh don't worry Miss Honda, that should keep him silent for a bit." Yuki answered her look with the reply and strangely a grin on his face, though most likely he enjoyed his revenge.
"Um Kyo, are you alright? Spit them out over here" Tohru rushed to help.
"Ewww" Kyo spat in disgust. But before Tohru could react, Kyo attacked Yuki in anger. Fortunately yet unfortunately he missed and toppled into a miscellaneous elderly hag, sending her sailing through the window like a bird in those Windex commercials. But sadly glass and identified flying objects don't go well together. People gasped at the sight.
"It's a chicken!"
"It's a bomb!"
"It's my grandma!"
She crashed through the glass, knocking over a Christmas display. (Authors Note: TO AVOID INJURY, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, or anywhere else for that matter. If you do, I will not be held responsible for injury.)
"So your saying her injuries were not really that bad?" Kyo asked in disbelief. Shigure, Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru were sitting around the dinner table while addressing the event.
"No Kyo…they were worse. The damages to the store are pretty bad too. Someone has ruined their property and actually attacked an innocent customer, that is a problem." Shigure explained with all seriousness, not at all like his jocular self.
"Um so, Shigure, what is going to happen? If there is any way to help I will gladly accept. I don't want to cause trouble for anyone" responded the congenial Tohru.
Shigure smiled cordially. "Don't worry. The owners and relatives of the woman are holding Kyo and even Yuki responsible for their polemical actions, not you."
"Oh joy" Kyo groaned, his mouth dripping with sarcasm.
"This brings me to something important" Shigure laughed, becoming more and more like his usual energetic self.
"Yeah for once." Kyo scoffed.
Shigure smiled uncontrollably. "You two are to perform 48 hrs of community service to repay your debt to society!" Shigure happily announced.
Yuki stared at him in disbelief. "I hardly see the levity in this dismal situation." But the man just kept smiling. Kyo and Yuki feared that they would soon find out why.
"Fine, just what do we have to do already?" the disputatious red head Kyo asked.
"Well, I believe the manager assigned a job for each of you." Shigure handed them a paper, still holding a ridiculous smirk.
"Oh no! Shigure there has to be some mistake. Just what did you do?! It says here that I'm supposed to act as an..an..." Yuki was in shock.
"AS AN ELF!" Shigure joyously proclaimed, clearly enjoying the boy's suffering. "And you'll be wearing this. Ta-da!" Shigure triumphantly pulled out a frilly green costume. To Yuki's horror it looked like a dress.
"Shigure, isn't that costume for a…"
"A woman…? Oh of course." Yuki felt faint. "But it suits you well. Your brother, out of his gracious heart, donated it to you from his costume shop."
Yuki sat there in the corner, shaking his head "There is absolutely no possible way we are related."
Kyo on the other hand was having his share of fun. He was about to burst out laughing. The animosity in the room seemed a bit less now. In fact, he seemed to be a bit better But then…
"Oh don't cry Kyo-Kyo. There is a job for you too. I think you'll love it!" Shigure giggled.
Kyo's eyes widened 'huh?". He stared at the paper, closed his eyes and wished it was a nightmare. "Oh no" was all he could manage.
Kyo wanted to escape but he was surrounded, surrounded by ferocious predators that wanted to destroy him. Evil was closing in on him. Ok so maybe that wasn't their intent but Kyo could think of hundreds of other ways he would rather spend his time. Most involved impaling that damn rat with a chain saw.
"Santa! Santa! I knew you were real" chirped a small girl who practically leaped onto him. Luckily Kyo, had been stuffed with pillows to make him look twice his size yet also keep him from turning into a cat. She squeezed his fluffy pillow in a death grip.
"Yeah, yeah Ok." Kyo muttered, prying himself from the rabid child's arms. "So what do you want for Christmas already you little brat." Playing the role of this convivial man was not something a slightly bellicose guy like Kyo was good at.
"But I'm not a brat!" pouted the little girl "I have been a very good girl this year, I know it."
"Oh really? Are you sure about that?" Kyo whispered into the girl's ear.
The once gregarious girl trembled. There was a look of both embarrassment and horror planted on her face. Kyo stared at her in amazement, for it appeared she HAD done something after all.
"H-how did you know I ate my sisters pet worm?!" He stared at her in shock. Kyo looked around, searching for an answer to that one. He spotted Yuki, who was now posing as his female helper, and gave him a contentious glare for the situation he was in. "…Elves" Kyo finally replied in monotone to the girl sitting on him, his eye fixated with hate at Yuki.
Now the little girl was tearing up. "Does this mean I don't get my tiara?"
"What do you think ya little midget?!"
And so began Kyo's first day of suffering…. or maybe the children were
To be continued…
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PurplenailpolishItachi: kyo would look hot if he was a no shirt santa! Yes that would be nice. (Drool)
Azumanga Osaka Sama: omgsh yes he would. ONE HOT SANTA! Well, he does have a fake beard and fake hair.
PurplenailpolishItachi: (didn't pay any attention to the passage above) I wonder what kyo would look like wearing the elf dress (can't picture it too disturbing)
Azumanga Osaka Sama: Oh bad disturbing mental images! Avert ye eyes! (sry Inuyasha quote)
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! I will try to finish the next chapter soon.