Title: these words too heavy not to say
Character/Pairing: Bruce Banner, the Avengers
Genre: Gen, angst, introspection
Rating: M (T equivalent)
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for a line of dialogue late in the film, warning for reference to Bruce's childhood abuse
Wordcount: 548
Earlier, he had almost told his secret to Ms. Romanova, who had faced him with wary eyes and her hand on her gun. The staff had been working its magic on him then, energy coiling into his veins and bringing his anger up to the surface, making him uncaring as to the presence of the others in the room. The entire incident ends up not mattering in the end, but it's telling that even then he was willing to reveal his secret.
For all that Tony complains he is the only one to do his homework on everyone else, he wasn't.
Bruce had done his reading too, went for extra credit and read between the lines of their files. Even the one on Steve Rogers; though there was never any doubt that he was one of the best men Earth had to offer. So Bruce knows he's a good guy, one of those people who stands up for the kid on the wrong side of a bully's fist, the man who was trusted with the heart of a nation and kept their hope safe.
Everyone brought in for the initiative is a good person, even when their files are written in red and blood puddles between lines that cross and double cross each other.
So when Steve– when Captain America calls him Doctor Banner on that ruined bridge, suggests that getting angry might be a good thing for once, Bruce decides to share his secret. It eases that feeling in his chest, not enough to lessen the anger nor be called happiness, but enough to make him smile as he tells the truth about himself.
It's an ugly truth, all twisted and green and huge just like the Other Guy is - which is why he keeps it a secret and plays it close to his chest. It makes him no friends to let everyone know he'd otherwise be the Hulk all the time, that it's just sheer will and desire not letting that anger show, to not be a reflection of his father. There are close to forty years worth of tangled hatred carried in Bruce's heart, iron chains that weigh him down and make him even angrier that he can never escape his childhood.
Usually Bruce finds that Benjamin Franklin is right, that only the dead can keep a secret. He hopes that isn't the case with the four people standing in front of him, despite that two only have their wits and weapons to protect them and a third is still human with easily torn limbs.
But as he says those words, reveals that he's always angry, a few of those chains drop away, clinking to the ground, and his secret feels safe with them.
A burden shared is a burden halved as the saying goes and Bruce starts to believe it might be true.
Later, when they're eating shawarma, Hawkeye– Clint asks him if he really is angry all the time and he smiles and laughs and replies, "more or less". There's a silence around the table at that, which he breaks by continuing, "isn't everybody?". There's a change in the quiet then, an undercurrent of agreement, and Bruce feels a little lighter still and knows he's told his secret to the right people.