A/N: This one's for Christopher. And yes, it's a parody, and so AU, it scary. –Rita
Based on characters created by J. K. Rowling. Any similarities between any real person, alive or dead is purely coincidental.
Come on, Get Happy (or One Big Happy Weasley Family)
Bill and Charlie Weasley were in the attic of their parents' home, The Burrow, reading girlie magazines, when Bill heard their parents arguing. Molly was crying and Arthur was yelling. Since it was usually the other way around in the family, he stopped to listen. Through the muffled walls, Arthur yelled, "Oh, Molly, how could you let that happen? We'll lose our home!"
"Oh Arthur," Molly said, crying even louder, "I left it at the store on the counter. It wasn't my fault! Ginny was running around in circles and I got so distracted I left it, and when I came back, it was gone."
"But that was 10 thousand galleons, Molly! We needed that to pay the taxes on our home. What will we do? We'll lose the Burrow and then what will happen to all of us? Oh woe!"
Bill hit Charlie in the head. "Did you hear that?"
"Whoa, that's a hot one," Charlie said, pointing at one of the bigger busted ladies' pictures. "Hear what?"
" Mum's lost 10 thousand galleons and we're going to lose the house."
"That sucks. But what can we do?"
"I don't know," Bill said, shaking his head. Bill put his hand down on a newspaper that the boys had wrapped the magazines in so their mother wouldn't see their stash, when he saw it! It was their salvation.
"Did you see this?" Bill asked,
"See what?" Charlie asked. "The fine ladies' knickers? Of course I did."
"No, you Prat," Bill rolled his eyes and pointed to another ad on the same page. "See! Battle of the Bands First Prize Ten Thousand Galleons!"
"Are we going to steal the money?" Charlie asked.
Bill hit Charlie on the back of the head. "No, we're going to form a band, enter the contest and win the galleons!"
"Are you mental?" Charlie said. "We can't form a band in two weeks."
"Sure we can. You and I can do vocals and the tambourine. Fred and George on guitar and bass, Percy on keyboard and Ronnie on drums! It'll be our family band."
"We can call ourselves the Otters!" Charlie said getting into the spirit.
"You idiot. We're the Weasley's" Bill rolled his eyes again.
"Oh yeah! That sounds even better."
"You know mum dropped you on your head when you were little?" Bill said.
"Really?" Charlie asked, rubbing an imaginary bump on the back of his head.
Bill clapped his hands together. "All right! Now we'll need a place to practice. Of course, the hen house! Let's get cracking!"
Bill held a secret meeting with his brothers and told them what he was planning and why. Only the twins were remotely interested in forming a band. Ronnie was too young, really, but Bill thought he had the "cuteness" that would appeal to the judges and the girls. Percy considered anything non-classical to be a waste of time and sniffed at the idea. Of course Bill knew the secret words to say to convince Percy to join the band and help their parents, and Charlie was sure it had something to do with some kind of onerous torture; or at least he hoped so anyway. Bill whispered something in Percy's ear and Percy blinked twice and with a terrified look on his face, nodded in agreement.
The first official rehearsal was called just to see how they played their instruments together. And they weren't bad, either! Since the boys only had two weeks to practice, they spent their evenings in the hen house, which of course had been charmed so no sounds could be heard from the outside. They sneaked out at different times, so the parents wouldn't become suspicious. Bill and Charlie went off hunting dragons, Percy was reading poetry under the old Merlin Oak, Ronnie was off looking for rocks for his rock collection, and the twins, well, it's better not to know what they were up to.
Bill sent away for the entry form and when it came the next day, he excitedly read the requirements for the Battle of the Bands. They would be performing one original song ("Yikes!") and should have another one ready to perform should they make the finals. The second song was to be a ballad. Bill hurriedly filled out the application, promising the boys that he would have two songs written before the next morning. They looked at him skeptically. "Trust me," he said.
Bill worked on the two songs all night, and by the next day he was ready to show them to his brothers. The first song was a happy, snappy tune that he knew would impress the judges. The second one, a ballad spoke of moons and Junes and love lost. It had the complete combination of sappy love and teenage angst; it was Bill's solo. At rehearsal that night, he introduced the tunes.
"Okay," he said, hushing the boys down (Even Percy was getting into the spirit). "I've got two really great songs that we have to learn tonight and perfect." He passed out scrolls with the lyrics.
"What's the tune?" Charlie asked.
Bill rolled his eyes impatiently. "See those little dots on the sheet music? That's the tune." He sighed impatiently. It was good that Charlie was the shy-good-looking-boy in the band; the kid had no brains.
The first song was very short, and repeated itself over and over; very snappy, very happy: "We're the Weasley's, and we're here to sing our songs for you—
We'll make you hap-py,
Don't be blue.
So sit right down, stick around for a while,
We're the Weasley's and we're here to make you smile!"
The boys argued over the lyrics, but in the end, 'The Weasleys' became their anthem. They sang the song all day, everyday. Even Molly started humming the tune as she did her housework. Bill worked out the choreography, they perfected their moves.
The only thing that concerned Bill was their lack of costumes. A day before the big show, Bill and the Weasleys (as he was now calling the band) went to Diagon Alley for some ice cream. As they sat in Florean Fortesque's Ice-Cream Parlour, they discussed what they were going to wear. They needed something bright that matched. They had their Sunday robes, but they were too drab.
"We need rock and roll robes," Bill said, and everyone nodded in agreement.
"I can make your robes," said a voice behind them. All the boys turned around to see Luna Lovegood. She was eating an enormous banana split.
Luna! She's just so odd.
"We weren't talking to you, Looney," Ron said sarcastically.
Luna just smiled her secret smile and went back to eating her ice cream.
"Not so fast," Bill said. "You can make robes?"
"Of course I can. My mother taught me how to sew when I was a little girl."
"How much would you charge?"
"Oh, I wouldn't charge you anything. I think all brothers should dress alike. I just happen to have six sets of royal blue dance robes in my bag. But if you're not interested," she shrugged and looked out the window of the shop serenely.
The boys looked at each other and grinned. They jumped up and surrounded Luna, peering into her bag. She set the bag on the table and let the boys at it. One by one, they pulled out the robes.
"Gosh, Luna! This is perfect. How'd you know?"
Luna smiled and shrugged. "A little birdie told me. Now you'll all set. You're going to win that contest tomorrow. I can tell."
"Hey, when we get rich and famous, you can be our wardrobe mistress!" Charlie said enthusiastically. He thought Luna was pretty.
"Of course, I will." She promised, squeezing Charlie's hand. Charlie blushed and stuttered. No girl had actually held his hand before.
As they walked out of the shop, Luna gave them all a wave and said, "Good luck, Weasleys!"
The big show began promptly at 10 am and they wanted to make sure they were at the theatre in plenty of time to set up. There were fifteen other bands and the boys were started to get nervous. There was a Slytherin band, a couple of girl bands, a goblin quartet, more Goth bands than Bill wanted to count, two vampire bands, a polka group, a chamber quartet and a mariachi band. The only competition, as Bill saw it was from the Slytherin band and the girl band that looked like Veelas. He crossed his fingers knew Bill and the Weasleys were going to be great.
"Remember, boys, this is for the Burrow. For Mum and Dad! Let's go out there and win!"
Bill and the Weasleys went on right after the Slytherin band. They were 7th years and they were dressed in Slytherin colors. They played hard rock music and the girls in the audience went crazy for them, screaming, crying, and throwing flowers on stage. Bill was convinced they were planted. "Don't worry boys; we'll wow 'em!"
And wow 'em they did! Charlie flirted and everyone loved Ronnie. He was so cute. The girls swooned over Bill. They clapped and cheered and stamped their feet. Huge "We Love You!" signs appeared out of thin air, and when it was all over, they made the finals!!
The Slytherin band, the Levitators, an all girl band, and Richie Spudowski and the Polka Spuds, also made the finals. The ballad portion was going to be a killer, but Bill knew his ballad was a winner.
Bill stood in the spot light on the darkened stage and sang sweetly about his one true love, how they met one June on a trip to the moon, and how they were forced to part and his breaking heart, knowing he'd never love another again.
When the spotlight was turned off, there was dead silence in the hall except for a few sniffles, and then the place erupted in a frenzy of applause and cheers. There wasn't a dry eye in the hall. Even the judges were on their feet, wiping the copious tears on their sleeves. Richie Spudowski & the Spuds refused to follow them, they were so broken up.
Bill & the Weasleys had won ten thousand galleons!!! As they were being handed their prize, Bill looked into the audience and he saw his mum and dad, Molly's head on Arthur's shoulder, wiping away her tears.
Bill grabbed a microphone and called his parents on to the stage. He proudly presented galleons to them. "We did it for you, Mum & Dad!"
"Well, son, you shouldn't have run off without telling us, but this is great! Thank you so much. You've saved the Burrow!" They jumped up and down hugging each other.
Right after the show was over, Arthur and Molly's friend, Remus Lupin rushed over to where everyone stood. "You boys were great!" he said enthusiastically. "I'd like to take you on the road, giving concerts and stuff. You'll be bigger than Celestine Warbeck and the Weird Sisters combined."
"Oh Mum! Dad!" shouted Bill and Charlie together. "That would be so cool! Can we, please, please?"
"And Luna could be our wardrobe mistress," Charlie said excitedly. "She made our costumes for our show today. They're so neat!"
Arthur and Molly looked at each other and smiled. "Okay, why not, I can't imagine the boys being in safer hands than our good friend Remus Lupin."
"And Sirius Black will be traveling with us, as well." Lupin added.
"Such a wholesome man, and he comes from such a good family. Never understood why he never married." Molly said fondly.
"Can we ask Luna, now?" asked Charlie. "Please, please."
"Okay. Why don't you ask her? I think she's a little sweet on you,"
Charlie blushed, "Aw, gone on."
"Bill, what on earth are you doing?" Fred or George asked.
"I'm writing more songs! Since we're going on the road, we're going to need more than two songs!"
And everybody laughed.
The end.
Another A/N: Gosh, I really hope you read the word parody at the top of the page. Channeling the Brady Bunch, much? Just for fun. No sequels, no "on the road" stories (Or maybe…). Hope you enjoy. And please review, if you've a mind to. And yes, Charlie is a dweb. --Rita