So it happens like this:

First, there's the unexpected storm: wet, windy and freezing, because apparently it's winter on this world as well as on Earth.

Then the rope bridge across the river that's their only way back to the Stargate is torn down by the raging winds. ("We could try to jump it," Vala suggests. "It's fifty feet across," Daniel says. "Oh come on Daniel, Teal'c here could do it, don't you agree?" "......")

So SG1's stuck on PX2-876 until either a) the weather clears up, and the SGC can send out a team to build a temporary bridge, or b) someone with a spaceship arrives and decides to save them. (Cam bets on the latter, personally; this storm doesn't sound like it's dying down anytime soon.)

And then the mission really goes to hell in fine SG1 fashion as the natives come to the conclusion that, since the rain started after they arrived, SG1 actually brought the storm with them.

"This is all your fault, you realize," Daniel says to Vala, as one of the the villagers (tall, burly, with few apparent brains; Cam has dubbed him Sparky for reasons obvious only to him) yanks Daniel's hands forward and ties them there.

"How is this my fault?" Vala yelps, squirming around to face him.

"Oh, it's not," Daniel says, brightly; "I just felt like blaming someone, and you were the easiest target."

Vala kicks him in the shins. Daniel makes a face at her.

It degenerates from there.

***

Somewhere along the line, Cam decides, listening to the noise of Daniel and Vala's bickering falter and then start up again as if nothing had just happened, someone must have switched out his respected, highly intelligent, highly trained team members with a bunch of five year olds.

Leaning forward to let the blood drip from his nose onto the floor instead of his clothes, he closes his eyes and fantasizes about locking them both in a room for a week and seeing which of them emerges victorious. It'd be great. He could sell tickets.

The cell door clicks shut behind the guard, and a few seconds later Sam scoots over, proffering a handkerchief. Cam takes it and presses it to his nose, raising an eyebrow at her (and then quickly lowering it, because ow, that hurts). "You use handkerchiefs?" he asks nasally.

"Kleenex falls apart," Sam says, shrugging.

"You're such a Girl Scout," Cam says, and she socks him in the shoulder.

"And you should stop antagonizing the guards."

The door is barred shut, they're thoroughly tied up, Cam is due to be sacrificed in the morning to appease the storm gods, and they're completely lacking in entertainment, so Sam and Cam start a rousing game of tic-tac-toe in the dirt floor of the cell.

Fifteen minutes later, Cam is loosing twelve to zero ("Hey, I swear that last one was a tie!") when Teal'c rises up like a behemoth to loom menacingly over Daniel and Vala, apparently fed up with their antics. He doesn't say anything, but one look at his face and the two finally, finally shut up.

***

An hour later Cam glances at his watch (not knowing what it was, the natives hadn't bothered to take it away), and blinks in surprise.

"Eleven fifty-six," he says, into the silence.

His team just looks at him. Cam resists the urge to hit his head against the wall.

"Guys. It's almost midnight." Still no response. "Today is December thirty-first? New Year's Eve? Ringing any bells here?" He waves his hands vaguely.

"Isn't that the holiday with all the kissing?" Vala asks.

Daniel sputters, and feels compelled to respond, of course. "Well, technically, but in fact the tradition dates back to 153 B.C.E., when..."

"Aaaand he's off," Cam mutters under his breath, using his race track announcer voice and making a little zooming motion with his hands. Sam hears him and covers her mouth with her hand, trying not to smile.

A minute and fifteen seconds later, Cam holds up his hand. Or hands, actually, seeing as how they're still tied together. "Guys," he says. Daniel ignores him and keeps talking. "Guys," he tries again. Still nothing.

"Hey!" he shouts. That gets their attention, and the guard's too, and Cam waits till the guy he's dubbed Sparky stops peering in at them before continuing. "Thirty seconds," he says.

"You're not seriously going to..." Daniel says, trailing off as Cam gazes down at him over his nose.

"Yes, I damn well am," Cam says; "I had plans for tonight, but since it's Vala's fault we're stuck here--"

"Hey!"

"--we'll just have to make do with doing this here instead." He looks pointedly back at his watch.

"But it's just--"

"Ten." Cam says, glaring. "Nine. Eight." And okay, it does feel kind of silly sitting here (here being both here, in the cell, and here, on an alien planet where they probably didn't even celebrate New Year's), counting down from ten, with the four of them looking on in silence. "Seven." But hell, when had he ever let silly stop him?

"Six. Five." Cam falters-- is that Teal'c's voice he'd heard, joining in? Cam flicks a glance at him, and sees Teal'c smile.

"Four. Three." And that's Sam and Vala joining in, Sam's voice suspiciously bright with amusement, but still strong.

"Two." Daniel rolls his eyes, but finally joins as well, a faint smile on his face.

"One." Cam smiles goofily at them all. He has the best team ever. "Happy New Year!"

His arms are suddenly full of Vala, who puts her hands on his cheeks and presses her mouth to his, careful to avoid his bruises. She tastes like peppermint and bubble gum and open skies at night, and Cam barely has time to blink in surprise before she's pulling back and, apparently being an equal opportunity kissing bandit, moves on to Teal'c, seated to the left. Teal'c smiles at her when she pulls back, and then from there she moves on to Sam, who laughs into the kiss, and then from there to Daniel, who puts his hand on the back of her head and leans forward when she pulls away.

Once she's gone round the circle, Vala sits back on her heels, noting their bemused stares. "What?" she asks brightly. "Isn't kissing what this holiday is all about?"

Cam throws his head back and laughs, ignoring the outraged noises Daniel's making, and then leans over and presses a kiss to Vala's forehead in return.

Best. Team. Ever.

***

A few hours later the storm passes, and the natives conclude from this fact that perhaps SG1 did not, in fact, anger the rain gods. Cam's execution is called off, the five of them are set free, and Sparky even apologizes to Cam for punching him in the face.

The walk back to the gate is muddy and precarious, the ground being littered as it is by debris, but Cam whistles the whole way back, in an undeniably good mood. The sky's a brilliant blue above them; the air's sparklingly fresh and clean; and he's got his team all around him. What more could he ask for?

Then up ahead he hears the sound of the river they'll have to cross to get to the gate; the raging river, furious and swollen with rain water. Well, he could maybe stand to have a bridge.

But still. Cam grins fondly at his team, linking his hands behind his head. Not a terrible way to spend a New Year.