Riiing...riiing...
"Hello? Mysterion, is that you?"
"It's me."
"Oh, thank God! Did it work? Did you manage to stop Professor Chaos?"
"Yes. But..."
"But what? What's the matter?"
"...I've decided to end it."
"What?"
"I've decided to turn myself in. To unmask myself. Chaos' threat proves that keeping my identity a secret is just too dangerous now. For the sake of the city, I must show everyone the truth."
"What? No, Mysterion, you can't do that! They'll arrest you!"
"I have no choice. I've called a press conference in an hour from now. I'm going to bring an end to this game."
"But Mysterion-"
"I'm sorry. There is...no other way."
Click.
"I can't believe it..."
"It was him?"
"Who could have guessed...?"
My little announcement seemed to have caused quite a stir; the crowd was still marveling as the police led me away, reeling from the revelation as the Coon (*cough*cough*Cartman*cough*cough*) fled triumphantly into the night on his Coon-Tryke. I turned away from them all, keeping my eyes down and my lips pressed tightly closed, quietly following the police officers as they led me inside.
One figure, however, ran out of the crowd towards us. "Wait!"
I froze; the police moved forward to block him. "Alright, kid, stand back."
"But-"
"This is police business, son."
"Actually, officers," I said suddenly, almost startling myself, "if it's alright, do you mind if he and I have a minute? We kind of need to talk about something."
The cops traded a look, and then one of them nodded. "Alright. But just a minute."
The two moved back to give us a slight illusion of privacy. I half-turned to the boy so I could watch him out of the corner of my eye. He just stared at me, mouth slightly open, gaping.
"...It was you? Really?"
I nodded.
"But, but-how? How could I not have known this?"
I turned away; as I did, my hood shifted slightly, allowing a slight view of my hair. "It was a secret. The truth had to be protected. From everyone."
The boy's face fell. "But...but I'm not just anyone! I mean-how could you keep the truth from me? I'm your best friend...aren't I?"
The way his voice shook on those last words felt like a knife in my chest. I lowered my head, not wanting to meet his gaze. "Of course you are. You know that."
"But then-how could you hide this from me? How could you not tell me? I even asked you, and you agreed to tell me the truth! How could you lie to me like that...
...Kyle?"
I suddenly smiled. Stan must have noticed, because he drew back, startled. "Things aren't always as they appear, Stan," I said, turning my head to face him again. "Don't worry; I'm sure I'll have a chance to explain everything later."
"What? But I-"
"Alright, kids, enough chit-chat," one of the cops said, pushing Stan farther away as his partner took me by the shoulders. "We've got to get this kid to jail."
"But-"
"Don't worry, Stan," I called, turning around to face him as the cops led me inside. "This is all part of the plan!"
Stan blinked, then stared blankly after us as the cops brought me into the station.
"Alright, son, wait in here," the officer said, closing the cell door with a creak and a clang. "We've called your parents, they should be down here soon to bail you out."
He locked the door and walked away. I dropped my head to stare at the dusty floor, then looked back up to take in my surroundings. It was a simple jail cell, almost clichéd really, a bed, a toilet in one corner, and a single window to let some faint moonlight in. The window had bars on it, of course, as all clichéd prison windows did. Two bars, though it looked as if there should be three, like one of them was missing, leaving a space. I reasoned that it was probably wide enough for someone my size to slip out of.
Or slip in, if he wanted to.
I heard the slight sound of his shoes on the floor, catching the slight movement in the shadows of the corner.
"Hello, Kyle."
He stepped forward, just enough for his masked-and-hooded face to be visible in the shadows. I grinned.
"Hello, Mysterion."
He stared at me for a moment, head cocked slightly to one side. His mouth was opened slightly, and the masked eyes were confused even as they kept their sharp stare.
Finally he spoke. "Why did you do it, Kyle?"
I shrugged. "I had to, didn't I? I couldn't let you take the fall for everything. It wouldn't be fair, them locking you up like this for all the good things you've done."
"So you took the fall for me? You put on that outfit and beat me to the press conference just so I wouldn't have to get into trouble?"
I nodded. Mysterion's face was expressionless, but he looked away.
"I...thank you, Kyle. For everything. I couldn't have stopped Chaos and the Coon without you, you know."
"Oh yeah...how'd that go, by the way?"
"Chaos had the upper hand for a moment, but Cartman tried play nice at the end. No matter," he said, shrugging; his cape whipped around as he turned to face the window. "I had time to hit the little 'Coon Cave' in his basement before I came here. I think his time playing superhero will be over soon. Or at the very least he'll have to shell out the money to pay for more T-shirts."
I laughed. Mysterion jumped onto my bed, then deftly into the window threshold, reaching out through the hole. "I have to go now."
I turned my head to the side. "What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know yet. I'll still have to give up my identity, or at least work more undercover..." Mysterion frowned, thoughtful, then turned to me. "But if I am ever needed again, at least I'll be free to take up my mantle without the fear of being grounded. And for that, I thank you."
"No problem. You deserve it after all you've done."
He smiled, and then gave a curt nod. "Goodbye, Kyle."
"Goodbye..." I grinned slightly as he turned to go. "..._."
My smile widened as 'Mysterion,' halfway out through the hole, suddenly jumped and spun around, his mouth open in shock.
"Wha-how did you-you know-?"
"Aw, come on, man," I said, rolling my eyes. "It was pretty obvious if you just stop and think about it. All this time helping you, you didn't think I was going to figure it out?"
He continued to gape at me for a moment, mouth opening and closing in shock, before a sly grin finally spread across his lips. "Huh. You really are the smartest kid in class, aren't you?"
I grinned back at him-but that grin instantly vanished when I heard a voice echoing from somewhere outside my cell.
"Kyle! Where's my little bubbeleh? Oh, when I get my hands on him-"
"Eh...gotta go," 'Mysterion' said, throwing a quick look back and a nervous glance at the cell door. He bit his lip. "...Good luck, man."
And with that he quickly slid out through the bars and disappeared into the night, as I gulped and turned around to face the oncoming threat.
A/N: Okay, this is an idea I came up with shortly after "The Coon" first aired, but which has taken me forever to get up because of procrastination, school work and a desire to get the tone exactly right, which I may or may not have accomplished. How did I do? Did that keep you all guessing? Basically, I just wanted to keep Mysterion free, especially since he's an interesting character that I could see writing a story about one day. ;-) Also, though I didn't think about it at first, since this whole episode was heavily based on The Dark Knight, this story actually makes sense as a parody of Harvey Dent covering for Batman...I'm brilliant even subconsciously.
By the way, I just want to point out that while we see Stan confront Kyle outside the police station, I specifically wanted to write this in a way that doesn't eliminate him (or anyone else) as a potential suspect; in fact his presence so soon before Mysterion appears, plus some of the dialogue he and Kyle exchange, could be seen as hinting that he is Mysterion, if you choose to believe so. In any event, I hope you enjoyed this little story, and whether you did or not, please review and tell me! Thanks.
Edit: 17 August 2010: Since posting this more than a year ago, I've been informed that there's an alternate ending to "The Coon" where, basically, this happens. One, can anyone tell me where I can find that ending, and two...wow. I'm good, apparently.