Post 2 x08 The younger midwives react to seeing/speaking to Sister Bernadette dressed as 'Shelagh' for the first time.
If the nuns and nurses of Nonnatus house had been busy before, then they were positively rushed off their feet now. Chummy was on maternity leave with Freddie, Sister Bernadette was no longer on the rota and Jane had left to complete her nursing training.
With just two nuns and three nurses left to cover the whole of Poplar there was scarcely a time when all the residents of Nonnatus house were at home together. Instead they would pass each other on the front steps or in the foyer, one arriving after a long night out on call, while another dashed off with a new delivery pack under her arm.
The Tuesday lunchtime in question was no exception, the sisters had left early to set up the afternoon's clinic, leaving Jenny, Cynthia and Trixie to hold the fort at the convent. They dashed back and forth between the telephone and the autoclave, with occasional quick trips to the kitchen for sustaining pieces of cake and cups of tea.
Outside on the front steps though, there was a much calmer scene. Shelagh stood perfectly still in front of the heavy oak door, her hand poised ready to knock but not quite able to. She scolded herself under her breath as she tried to force her shaking hand to strike the door.
After collecting her possessions from Sister Julienne's office a few weeks before, Shelagh had practically fled the building, not able to face the midwives or nuns. Since then she had stayed clear of the convent and the clinic, and she practically hid herself away whenever she heard a bicycle bell ring behind her on the street. But after Patrick mentioned that the midwives were very understaffed and struggling to get through their work Shelagh had decided to at least volunteer her services, if they turned her down then they turned her down, but she had to try.
"Come on Shelagh," She mumbled to herself under her breath "knock on the door, stop being pathetic, come on." She finally managed to convince herself, and timidly knocked on the door.
"Trixie? Can you get the door?" Came a voice from inside that Shelagh instantly recognised as Jenny's.
"I'm grabbing a bite to eat Jenny, It's the first five minutes I've had to myself all week! Cynthia can't you get it?"
"Cynthia's preparing the new set of delivery packs Trixie, and I'm busy turning over the autoclave, come on, the quicker you get there the quicker you can get back to your lunch." Came Jenny's, now slightly impatient, voice.
"Oh for goodness' sake" Trixie replied and Shelagh could hear a chair being pushed away from a table, followed by the brisk click of heels on tiled floors.
The door swung open quickly and Trixie very briefly surveyed the woman who stood in front of her, she saw the woman to be in her early thirties and smartly dressed. This was all Trixie really took in, they had only a hour or so before clinic and so much still to do, and in her haste she had simply deduced that this clearly wasn't an emergency and began to try to move the woman on her way.
"I'm terribly sorry madam but we are incredibly busy at the moment," Trixie began "If this isn't an emergency situation could I suggest that you visit us at clinic later today, we'd be much better equipped to deal with small issues there, or if you need to book in with us then a phone call would be much easier"
This shocked Shelagh to the core, Trixie didn't even recognise her! How could this colleague, this friend who she had lived and worked with for years, not even recognise her anymore? She felt utterly abandoned and could not hide her distress as she spoke again and tears prickled her eyes.
"Trixie?" she stuttered "Trixie, please, it's me"
Trixie finally looked at the woman's face, she looked past the upswept red hair, and the slight hint of make-up and finally took in the hurt and betrayed face of Sister Bernadette staring back at her.
"Oh my!" Trixie gasped, realising her mistake "Sister, Sister please forgive me, I am so sorry and we are so busy, I didn't take the time to think, I …"
"Shelagh" interrupted a small voice.
Trixie stopped rambling and frowned.
"I'm sorry?" she asked.
"I don't go by Sister anymore, I would much prefer Shelagh, if it's not too much trouble"
"Shelagh" said Trixie slowly, as if considering the name and desperately trying to pin the word to the woman that stood in front of her. "Shelagh, I think you had better come in for a cup of tea." She continued with a smile.
Shelagh released a sigh of relief that she almost hadn't noticed she'd been holding, and a smile spread across her lips.
"Trixie, I would love to" she replied, and followed Trixie into the all too familiar corridors of Nonnatus house.
"Jenny! Cynthia!" Trixie called out into the echoing hallways "there's someone here I need to introduce you to!"
Shelagh looked down at her feet, she felt so ashamed to have left this place, they must hate her. She had left them short-staffed and hadn't even explained the circumstances to them. Suddenly she couldn't imagine facing them all again.
"Trixie, I can't, I can't see them all again. You must all hate me for leaving like that"
Trixie turned back towards her, and enveloped her in a hug to comfort her. She had always liked and respected Sister Bernadette and could not bear to see her this vulnerable or upset.
Hesitantly returning Trixie's hug, Shelagh thought back to those nights spent lying awake in bed in the convent, hearing the three nurses down the corridor clinking their glasses and desperately attempting to stifle giggles. She had felt so alone at that time and so far removed from that world of babycham-induced laughter that could be found mere feet from her bedroom door. She would have given so much then to be embraced and included by the girls, and now that it was happening, she didn't quite know how to react.
"You know we don't hate you, Shelagh" Trixie told her kindly "You are always welcome here."
It was at this moment that Jenny and Cynthia stuck their heads out from the kitchen doorway.
"Trixie, this had better be quick" Jenny said sternly "You know we have to be in sight of the phone at all times with Sister Monica Joan around and …"
She stopped abruptly as she saw the petite woman standing beside Trixie in the hall. Her hair was gathered into a neat swept-up style and her blue pencil skirt and lilac cardigan looked almost alien in this convent, used to simplicity and uniform rather than fashion. At first she thought that this must be a member of the church group asking them to help at another local event, or perhaps a new mother here for advice.
"Hello Jenny, Cynthia" the woman said shyly, nodding slightly at each of them in turn. It caught Jenny off guard when she heard the familiar Scottish lilt to the voice, that voice which had been sorely missed in the convent recently was back, but seemingly now it belonged to someone new.
"Oh my goodness!" Jenny gasped, "It's so good to see you Sister Bernadette!" and then, surveying the new person who stood before her she wished she hadn't used that name so hastily "No, sorry, It's just I don't know what else to say, I mean, is it just Bernadette now or …"
Jenny's voice seemed to fade as she gabbled away, embarrassed and concerned that she may have inadvertently offended her friend.
"It's good to see you too Jenny," Shelagh replied with a kind smile, showing that there were no hard feelings for the confusion. "And it's Shelagh now, Bernadette was never my real name."
A quieter voice spoke then. Unlike Trixie and Jenny, Cynthia had recognised the woman straight away, but had kept quiet, waiting to see how she introduced herself.
"Shelagh," she said softly "We have to head to clinic in about an hour, but we'd be delighted if you would have tea with us first"
"I'd love to, I really would Cynthia," Shelagh replied, smiling "but I actually came to see if there was anything I could do, I had heard your workload was greater than ever at the moment".
The midwives exchanged relieved glances and nodded with thanks. Sister Bernadette had been one of the best midwives they had had, and they were happy to have her back under any guise.