Disclaimer: Being neither Kazuya Minekura or Cheng'en Wu ,I really really really don't own Saiyuki or Journey to the West.

Rating for Gojyo's vocabulary.

Spoilers for . . . what they wear in Reload, I guess.

A/N A living reminder that some stories can have no – I mean, need no – justification.

The Grand Scheme of Things,

or, How the Sanzo Ikkou Changed Their Clothes

by keyascribe

I. Might as well blame Gojyo

Later, Gokuu would say it was Gojyo's fault and Gojyo would say it was Sanzo's and Sanzo would say shut up or I will shoot you, which meant 'it's always one of you idiots' fault', and Hakkai would raise his hands placatingly and say Maa, maa, which, this being Hakkai, could mean absolutely anything.

But it was Gojyo who stared up at the statue of Kanzeon Botatsu and said, "Damn, they did it again: no real tits and matronly as my grandmother." And it was Sanzo who sniffed and quoted in that particular 'knowledge annoys Gojyo' tone, "'The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances'." And Gokuu admittedly did say "Wha???" which admittedly did prompt Hakkai to summarize: "It's another way of saying 'don't judge a book by its cover'."

"Eh?" Gokuu blinked his golden eyes, like a very rapid shuttering and unshuttering of light. "Books?"

"Ah, well, it's not meant to be taken quite that literally, Gokuu. It simply means that we can't know everything about a thing at first glance. For example Sanzo may look, um . . . "

"Like a pissy thinks-he's-so-superior priest?" Gojyo supplied not quite helpfully. "Sounds like the cover fits the book just fine."

"Ahahaha," Hakkai not quite agreed. "Well, perhaps what we should be saying is that to understand a person, one must walk a mile in their shoes."

"Or in Sanzo-sama's case, walk a mile in their dress," Gojyo chipped in again. "Who knows, maybe even Hakkai would turn pissy if he had to spend all day in leather underwear –"

At which point Sanzo's warning shot did, perhaps, come a little irreverently close to the serenely sitting statue.

So perhaps there were provocations. But really, in the end, they all had to agree that the goddess of mercy had waaay too much time on hir hands.

The next morning, Gokuu woke lazily. He was hungry because he was always hungry, but this morning it didn't seem a very pressing need. With a huge yawn, he opened his bleary eyes and saw red.

Hakkai woke feeling a little stiff and craving cigarettes.

Gojyo woke feeling oddly refreshed. He wasn't in the mood for cigarettes, but when he opened his eyes, something was blurry.

Sanzo didn't want to wake, but he was hungry, hungry like he had rarely been, so hungry that the need for something – anything – was like a punch to the gut, an emotion.

Gokuu stared at the crimson hair hanging in front of his eyes. "Uh?" he said.

Hakkai carefully raised his hands and studied the tight black leather wrapping itself along his forearms. "Ahaha," he murmured to himself.

Gojyo grasped his ear and felt the smooth, utterly cool metal. "What the hell?" he asked the world in general.

Sanzo sat clenched on the bed with the weight – no, not quite weight, but presence - of the diadem and thought, with all his might: someone's going to die for this.

With varying degrees of panic, bemusement, irritation and intent to kill, the Sanzo ikkou ran out of their rooms and stared at themselves.

"Waaaaaah!" Gojyo yelled, pointing wildly at Gokuu. "It's me!"

"Ah for fuck's sake," Hakkai scowled, hands instinctively searching his costume for cigarettes even as he glared at Gojyo, "whoever's in there, stop making me jump around like a moron."

"Now, now," said Sanzo gently, his voice full of calm and reason and patience, "please let's not panic."

There was a pause.

"That," Hakkai said after a moment, "is goddamn freaky."

"Uh huh," Gojyo agreed vigorously, nodding his head so enthusiastically that the red hair waved like streamers. "That's way too nice for Sanzo."

Instinctively, all three turned to the scowling, sour-faced fourth member of the band. Gokuu glared at them like a short, scruffy, embodiment of the desire to kill. "Uresai," he said flatly.

"Well!" said Sanzo brightly after a moment. "I suppose we all know who we are, now. Shall we all continue to sort this out over breakfast?"

"Breakfast!" Gojyo shouted immediately, suddenly looking happier than he ever had before, even in the company of attractive and loose-moraled women. "Woohoo! I'm soooooo hungry!" With a whoop, he bounded up and away in a flurry of red hair and long legs.

"Oi, no you're not-" Hakkai yelled, scrambling after the disappearing kappa. "Dammit, Gokuu, if you start eating like you normally do you're going to put me in the hospital!"

"Gokuu," Sanzo called politely after them, "please remember that in Gojyo's body you're significantly taller than normal and so doorways–"

There was a loud thump, followed by the impact of a body hitting the floor.

"Well, I guess this will take some getting used to," Sanzo observed mildly to Gokuu's body as they followed the path of their more exuberant (and in Gojyo's case currently semi-concussed) comrades.

"I'm going to kill them both," the boy muttered darkly.

"Please wait at least until I get my own body back from Gojyo," Sanzo requested impeturbably. "Otherwise I'll have to stay where I am, and Gojyo was right, the leather is a little tight."

Gokuu shot him a look that, since it was a foot lower than it usually was, didn't have quite the proper effect. "I'm so glad someone is enjoying this," he snarled, sounding, against all medical fact, like he needed a nicotine fix.

Gojyo was on the ground, moaning piteously. He had apparently slammed so vigorously into the slow doorway to the hotel's restaurant that the impact had cut Gojyo's headband in two.

"Owwwwwww," he moaned.

"My headband!" Hakkai howled, lifting one leg to stomp on Gojyo's prone form. "You stupid ape, you owe me a new headband!"

"It's not my fault you're so stupidly tall, ero-kappa!"

"Bakazaru!"

"Ero-kappa-cockroach!"

"Excuse me," Sanzo cut in smoothly, smiling slightly perhaps because he had just gotten to watch himself stomp on Gojyo's head. "Gokuu, I would appreciate it if you refrained from calling Gojyo such names while he's in my body. And Gojyo, please remember any injuries you inflict on Gokuu while he is inhabiting your body, will in fact simply cause you inconvenience later. Er . . . yes?" he added, as he realized the other three were staring at him with expressions of somewhat morbid (and in Gokuu's case incredibly annoyed) fascination.

"It's just really weird," Gojyo said.

"Yeah, I didn't even know the exalted Sanzo-sama could smile," Hakkai said frankly.

"Ahahahaha, said Sanzo.

They all flinched.

"Don't," growled Gokuu, "ever make me do that again."