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Barney's Life Lessons: Class Number 602
True story: awesome guys once wore suits of armour, and rode around on big horses with giant swords (and a sharp weapon to defend themselves with…yeah that's right! High five? Anyone?)
They probably freaked out about their armour when it got dented or like, stained with blood or something. Most important piece was the chest plate. You could probably still ride out with a cut here and there, or even with a severed limb ('cos these guys were totally hardcore) but a sword to the heart?
Dead, dude. Just dead. Heart's the thing you always need to protect. Think about that, while I go get myself a gin and tonic.
***
Where was I? Oh, right.
So the last time I wore graphic t-shirts and jeans, I was a hippie who only knew the touch of his own hand (don't make faces Lily). Then the suit happened. Followed by the touch of other hands on my weapon (don't roll your eyes Ted, it'll get stuck that way). I do the job, and I ride out to conquer, leaving behind nothing but satisfied women.
Coincidence? I think not.
That's right. I'm the real modern day knight – and I'm awesome. That's the moral of the story. Or the lesson. Whatever.
FYI, I totally also have a big sword…which I promise I will now prove to that sorority sister over there…
What? I have a sword from Halloween six years ago when I went as He-Man. (Get your mind out of my gutter Marshall).
Later, losers. (Goodnight, Robin).