Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did the Akatsuki wouldn't die and Karin wouldn't exist.

Author's Note: IMPORTANT!!!! Please review. This isn't for me, it's for Hakumei-chan! PLEASE REVIEW AND WISH HAKUMEI-CHAN A HAPPY 17TH B-Day!!!

Summary: Birthday present for my best friend's 17th birthday. What happens when you put my best friend, the entire Akatsuki, and me together? Unspeakable horror… Please review. RE-UPLOADED

Of Best Friends and Microwaves

" PEIN-SAMA!!!"

The almighty Akatsuki leader flinched before he turned around to face me.

" What is it Scarlett?"

I ran into the kitchen, skidding to a halt in front of Pein, and innocently faced the most infamous of villains.

" I have a favor to ask."

Pein raised an eyebrow. " No."

" But I haven't even asked you anything yet!"

" Still no."

" But why?!"

" Because whenever I say yes to you, something gets blown up."

A blonde head popped into the kitchen. " Did someone say blown up, un?"

" Shut up, Deidara," Sasori said from the hallway."

" Make me, un!"

" Both of you be quiet!" Pein shouted angrily.

I blinked. " Please, Pein-sama?"

" No."

" Pretty please?"

" No."

" Pretty, pretty please?"

" No."

" Pretty, pretty please with sugar?"

" No."

" Pretty, Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?"

" NO!"

My lip quivered. " Why do you hate me so much?"

Pein took a step back. " W-What?"

I broke out into full-blown sobs. " YOU HATE ME!!!"

" What?! N-No I don't!"

Konan walked into the room and blinked. " What did you do this time?"

Pein stuttered. " N-Nothing! She just started crying!"

I started to sob harder, attracting the attention of Deidara.

" What happened, un?" Deidara said as he tried to stop me from sobbing.

" P-P-Pein-sama h-hates me!!!"

Deidara sighed and wrapped his arm around me. " No he doesn't. He's just a heartless killer who thinks he's a god, remember?"

Pein crossed his arms indignantly. " Well, she's oversensitive anyway. She just started crying when I said no to a request!"

" What request?" Konan asked exasperatedly.

Pein thought for a minute, then blinked. " Actually, I have no idea. I said no before she told me what she wanted."

Deidara shook his head. " Well no wonder she's crying, un!"

Pein sighed. " Alright. Scarlett, what is it that you want?"

I stopped crying and looked at him happily. He gulped.

" I want to invite a friend over."

The entire room froze. I could here the other members' sharp intakes of breath from inside the living room. Well, almost all of them. Hidan started swearing like a sailor.

Pein blinked, shook his head, and then turned his attention back to me. " What was that, Scarlett?"

" I want a friend to come over."

" Ah. I thought that's what you said."

" Is that a yes, Pein-sama?"

" No."

I blinked. " What?"

" No. Absolutely not. Not in a million years."

" But why?!"

" Because you're bad enough. You and a friend would kill us all."

" B-B-But-"

" No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!"

I whimpered. " But it gets so lonely being surrounded by S-class killers!! And there's only one girl here, and she's older than me, and she's never around anyway!!!"

Konan looked at Pein and sighed. " You know, it might keep her out of trouble."

" Yeah, un! And Scar-chan is so cute! I bet her friend is just as cute too, un!!!"

" Pervert," Konan muttered under her breath.

Pein looked at his two subordinates and sighed. " Fine. But I want nothing to do with them. Deidara, you're in charge of them. Got it? If anything happens, you're responsible."

Deidara snapped to attention and saluted Pein. The mouth on his hand looked suspiciously like it was laughing.

" Yes, sir, un!"

I smiled like the cat that ate the canary. " Great! She's already here!"

Pein visibly paled. " What?"

" Hakumei!!! Come on in!!!"

And, right on cue, Hakumei skipped in and slid to a halt next to me, linking her arm with mine.

With her small size, pale skin, and green eyes, Hakumei looked like my twin. The only thing different was that she had coffee-brown hair as opposed to my blood-red hair.

She giggled madly as she looked up into the face of the visibly terrified Leader of Akatsuki.

" How do you do, Pein-sama?"

At that moment, both she and I started to laugh like mad women. Pein took one look at us and ran. There was nothing on earth that would keep him in the same room as us.

" Deidara-sempai, Konan-chan, meet Hakumei. Hakumei, meet Deidara-sempai and Konan-chan."

Hakumei waved and smiled. " How's it hanging?"

Deidara smiled and waved both his hands back. Both hand-mouths waggled their tongues. " Nice to meet you, Mei-chan!"

Konan smiled and patted both of our heads. " Scar-chan, why don't you take Hakumei-chan to meet the rest of Akatsuki."

I smiled brightly and grabbed Hakumei's hand. " Okie-dokie! Let's go Hakumei!"

Hakumei smiled at Konan and Deidara as we skipped toward the living room.

" Nice to meet you, Deidara-sempai, Konan-chan!"

Hakumei and I ran through the hallways, attempting to catch the evildoers.

" So, Scar, what do we do once we've found them?"

I grinned evilly at my friend. " What we do best!"

Hakumei blinked. " Talk about vampires?"

I rolled my eyes. " No. The other thing we do best."

Hakumei suddenly returned my evil grin. " Wreak havoc the likes of which Akatsuki can't imagine?"

I smirked and nodded. " What else?"

We took a moment to laugh maniacally before we headed to the living room. All of the Akatsuki sat in the large room, watching something undoubtedly bloody.

I cleared my throat loudly. Everybody froze and slowly turned to look at us.

" Everybody, this is Hakumei. Hakumei, this is everybody."

Greetings were uttered simultaneously as everyone turned back to the TV. The only person who didn't turn back to the mindless violence was Hidan.

" I can't believe Leader-sama let another one in here…"

I frowned. " Shut up, Hidan! Be nice to Hakumei!!"

Hidan sneered at us before turning back to the TV. Hakumei put her hands on her hips and glared at the foul-mouthed immortal.

" You know what? I hear you tried to kill Scar."

Hidan turned back to Hakumei and I. " Yeah, what of it?"

Hakumei giggled sinisterly. " Scar?"

" Yes, Mei?"

" I think we need to teach Hidan-chan some manners."

" And excellent idea, Mei."

Hakumei's grin widened. Everybody shivered and froze.

" I think it's time to do what we do best, Scar!"

With that Hakumei grabbed Hidan's scythe from him and started running with me close behind her.

" Say, Scar, what do we do with this thing anyway?"

I thought for a moment before answering. It had o be something so ingenious, so diabolical, so-

" I've got it, Mei!"

Hakumei blinked as we continued to run with me in the lead this time. I changed our course to the kitchen.

" What is it?"

I chuckled. " I wonder if Hidan-chan's scythe is made of metal…"

Ten minutes later…

Hakumei and I stood outside the smoldering Akatsuki hideout alongside its coughing and hacking members.

" Once again, I grant you a request and something gets blown up," Pein sighed.

" I guess Hidan-chan's scythe really was made of metal…" Hakumei laughed.

" What the blazes did you do, woman?!" Hidan roared.

Hakumei and I exchanged looks.

" We put part of Hidan-chan's scythe in the microwave," I said simply.

" YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

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Hope you enjoyed it! Happy 16th Birthday, Hakumei!!! Please review and wish Hakumei a happy birthday!!