Author's Note: Okay, so I've had this idea for a long time and finally I've put something down on paper. No, don't freak out I haven't gave up on Dear You. I'm just going through slight writer's block with that particular story, and it sucks. Yeah, so if you have any suggestions, feel free.
And depending on the reviews, I should be able to add a couple of more parts to this story. It was orginally going to be a longshot, but idk I've just really got into it, and I really like the storyline.
I never meant the things I said To make you cry Can I say I'm sorry It's hard to forget
"C'mon Peyton, would you please just let me in?" The desperation in his voice was becoming more and more evident by the second, and she realized it must have been from standing on the outside of her door, talking to himself for more than 20 minutes now.
She thought he would have left by now, considering all she was willing to give him was silence, but the simple fact was that this was Lucas, and she knew he wasn't going anywhere, atleast not until he knew she was okay, "Please.. Peyton I'm sorry. I was completely out of line.. just please let me in, so I can apologize to you, and not this stupid door anymore."
For the first time in the last hour, a smile formed upon her lips, but she quickly made it disappear telling herself she wouldn't even give him the satisfication of making her smile anymore, "Damn it Peyt, I've said I'm sorry over and over again, what more do you want from me?!"
Clutching her pillow to her chest, her eyes closed, and finally the tears started to fall once again.
And yes I regret All these mistakes I don't know why you're leaving me But I know you must have your reasons There's tears in your eyes I watch as you cry But it's getting late
Banging his forehead against her door, becoming more and more frusterated my the minute, "Peyton, it's getting late.. but I'm not going anywhere," he sighed a bit wishing she would just give in, but knew she was just as stubborn as he was.
"I'm not leaving until I know for certain that you're okay.. and I know you're not," He slide down her door, resting his head against it.
"I saw you crying Peyt, and I know it was something I said.. but I have no idea what it was.. I just wish you'd talk to me."
Was I invading in on your secrets Was I too close for comfort You're pushing me out When I'm wanting in What was I just about to discover When I got too close for comfort Driving you home Guess I'll never know
Over and over again, he replayed it in his head. It had to have something to do with the conversation that they had had on his way to taking her home. No matter how hard Lucas tried, tried to figure out what had happened.. it was no good. His mind was swarming with questions, it was becoming hard to breathe. What was it I said? Where did it go wrong.. everything was going fine.. we were just talking, opening up to one another and boom she threw up her walls faster than I could blink. She pushed me away the second she let me in.
"So, I saw Jake today.." he glanced over at her and smiled, knowing she was extremely happy he was back.
"Really," she returned him smile and nodded, "He came over today, and we talked for like hours upon hours."
"I'm guessing that's not all you guys did either," he chuckled lightly, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.
Lucas didn't need an answer, for she slugged him in the arm once really good, "Hey, I mean.. you know, you two haven't seen each other in forever, it's only normal."
"Actually we're saving that part for later tonight.." Now it was her turn to wiggle her eyebrows.
"Okay so it's official I'm totally grossed out now," Yet he couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh shut up, like you've ever spared me the details of you and Brooke," Forcing on a smile, she tried burrying the jealously of even saying her name when it had to do with him at all.
With a goofy grin he cluelessly added, "Yeah, Brooke's great."
Forcing the smile was going to become harder and harder she realized if he didn't stop saying her name soon, "One of a kind."
Not even noticing an ounce of sarcasm in her tone, he changed the subject luckily, "So, Jake.. you love him?"
Suddenly she felt as if her heart would explode through her chest, as it started beating rather rapidly, "What?"
"Do you love him?"
"Why are you asking me something like that?" she glanced over at him, searching his eyes.
"I don't know, you two have just been seeing each other for a long time.."
"I care about Jake a lot.. he's amazing," she replied praying he was just drop it all together.
"But you don't love him?" It was a simple question, he just couldn't understand why she had such a hard time answering it. Yes or No. That's all she had to say. Not hard at all.
"I never said I didn't, but I never said I did," Suddenly she was becoming frusterated, irritated and pissed off all at once.
"But if you did love him, you would have said you did," he raised an eyebrow curiously,"You don't want to fall in love with him do you, Peyt?"
He was digging too deep, and she really wished he would stop. Stop for his own good, but mostly for hers. So she did the only thing she knew to do, throw up her walls and never glance back at him. She was so vulnerable right now, she knew if he saw her he would immediately figure her out. He was so close to figuring out her biggest fear and secret, it wasn't even funny.He was trying his hardest for her to open up to him, but she wouldn't, she refused to. The last time she did that, she was left heartbroken, and that she promised herself would never happen again.
Remember when we scratched our names into the sand And told me you loved me But now that I find That you've changed your mind I'm lost for words And everything I feel for you I wrote down on one piece of paper The one in your hand You won't understand How much it hurts to let you go
As much as Peyton wanted to open up to Lucas, she knew she couldn't. Her heart ached for him, but it would just have to keep aching, because there was no way in hell she could let him in, metaphorically and physically speaking obviously. The door that was seperating the two at the moment symbolized in a way the walls she had built around her heart.
The walls had always been there, but somehow Lucas had sneaked his way into her heart. She admitted she had been the stupid one for walking away the first time, when he admitted to wanting to be with her. But he scared her. She scared herself, because she knew she wanted the same exact things he did.
So one night she went to him, telling him of how stupid she was. But as soon as she saw Brooke walk around the corner in his famous grey sweatshirt, smile plastered on her face she knew right then and there that he had changed his mind. She was too late. Peyton just never realized how much it would hurt having to finally let him go. That was the night... the night her walls around her heart had been pernamently placed, dead-bolted for eternity.
The truth wasn't that she didn't want to fall in love, she did. Ironically she just wasn't ready to fall in love with Jake yet. She couldn't fall in love, because she already was or never had fallen out of love.. with Lucas. But Lucas didn't need to know that, did he?
Was I invading in on your secrets Was I too close for comfort You're pushing me out When I'm wanting in What was I just about to discover I got too close for comfort Driving you home Guess I'll never know