Hit by a steamboat, by chibiness87
Pairing: BB
Spoilers: Through Santa in the Slush
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: I know this ep was about a year ago, but I jumped on the Bones train late. First Bones fanfic. Not beta'd.
You're scared that you're not enough for him and that he will leave you, and terrified that you are and he won't.
It's happened ever since you were 15. Everyone you have ever cared even the slightest bit about has left you alone in the world. And each time you've had to recover by yourself, build the walls around your heart a little bigger, a little thicker, desperate not to get hurt again.
And then he came along. Him, with his cheeky grin and his cocky belt buckle and stripy socks, and somehow you know he's going to be trouble. He isn't like other men you've eventually let in. He didn't chip away at the walls around you brick by brick. No. No, he just planted a block of C4 and let it blow, leaving you with a Booth sized hole in your walls, letting him waltz in.
You want to yell at him for that, want to scream and cry in rage, but you don't. These feelings don't make sense, not really, and for you, that is the biggest crime he can commit.
You don't believe in love, in feelings. They're nothing but chemicals from your pituitary gland and adrenal glands anyway. But yet you cannot help but notice your heart rate increases and your palms sweats and your breathing ever so slightly hitches when he walks in and calls you Bones.
It's stupid. It's irrational. And it happens every single time.
Eventually, you have to admit it, for there is no other explanation that even comes close to making sense.
You're in love with him.
It takes you over 2 years of working with him, arguing with him, saving and being saved by him for you to realise this. And without Caroline, you may still be unaware of it. But when she says she wants you to kiss Booth in payment of getting your dad a trailer so he can have Christmas, and your first thought isn't to try for something else but is to imagine the taste of his lips on yours, you know there is something going on.
You come up with a way to get what you want, what you've been craving for ever since Caroline put the thought in your head, only for your plan to almost fall apart around you when Booth is less than pleased. It is with some relief, then, that before he can ask you why you're so intent of going through with this kiss that the lawyer herself is blocking his escape from your office.
And then you're kissing him, and suddenly you know your imagination has nothing on the way he feels pressed up against you. There's something in the back of your mind about steamboats, but when he starts kissing you back you really don't care about them. Don't care about anything but keeping your lips against his for as long as possible.
It has to end eventually. There's only so much air you can hold in your lungs, and you were prepared (sort of) for what you were planning. When you break apart and the world rushes back in on you, you suddenly remember you're not alone. Trying desperately for some kind of balance, you turn to Caroline, and, with as much composure you can manage, ask, is that enough steamboats.
You are oddly pleased when she seems as breathless as you feel. Trying so, so hard not to think about how much you wish you were kissing Booth again, you try to distance yourself from what just happened. You say it's like kissing your brother, and wonder when exactly your brain became disconnected from your mouth.
You think it was about the time his tongue was pushing against your lower lip, but you're not entirely sure.
And then she is gone, and suddenly you can't quite look at each other. You're surprised that you cannot seem to form a proper sentence, stuttering and mumbling as you go to your desk. It is therefore with some relief that you notice he isn't much better. The graph on your laptop monitor is just a bunch of lines, and as you sit and type randomly, you hear him thank you for the gum.
It is at that moment you realise you no longer have the piece you were chewing in your mouth, and suddenly you want to die of embarrassment. You turn to where he was standing, only to be met with an empty office. It's sort of anticlimactic, and you wonder why you have a feeling of disappointment settling in your gut.
You don't realise it then, but later, when you're with your family and he calls you from outside the trailer with his son and a tree that it hits you. You love this man. And it scares you and terrifies you and now you're waiting for him to leave you.
But he doesn't, just stands there with his phone in his hand and a smile on his face, and you dare to hope, just for a moment, that maybe, just maybe, he loves you too.
End