Title: Bully, Interrupted
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: K-T
Category: Humor
Warnings: One cuss word
Standard Disclaimer: I own nothing connected with X Men other than a deep affection for the movie and characters.
Summary: The New Kid at School tries to make an impression. He succeeds.
The New Kid was a Bully. Completely. An enlightened guidance counselor would perhaps say that he had "anger management" issues, or that he was "physically expressive", but deep down, he was a Bully.
And so, on the first day at his new elementary school, he felt the need to establish his righteous authority over his new kingdom. As always, he picked out one in the student herd to make an example of. A slightly short, skinny kid, who would likely not be any challenge and would give The Bully a good opportunity to show everyone who was the new boss.
Everything went according to plan; corner, threaten, one punch and the kid was down. The Bully was standing over him, gloating; the crowd of kids suitably hushed in awe, when there was a tap on his shoulder.
"Excuse me."
The Bully turned to see a tiny kid with a mop of wavy brown hair standing before him. He was even shorter than the first kid, and was wearing a bright yellow safely patrol vest.
Well, well….looked like Lucky Victim Kid Number Two had arrived.
"Excuse me, but fighting at school is strictly prohibited. I understand you are new, and perhaps not yet had time to read our student handbook, but I really must insist you adhere to helping maintain our friendly, safe, school environment."
The Bully frowned, trying to translate the words. "Uh?"
"Yes, we are a Bully Free Zone," Kid Number Two continued. "Now if you would be so kind, everyone please, break this up, and return to line for the school buses. We don't want to make the drivers late. If your mothers are picking you up, please go to the appropriate waiting area."
Lord, the kid was crying out to be punched.
The Bully was winding up, getting ready for the pitch, when there was yet another tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and was promptly kicked in the groin with the force of a freight train. Kid Number One had jumped up off the ground, and smirked as The Bully slowly collapsed before him.
"Eck!" The Bully managed to whisper. He wavered on his knees for a moment, and then fell face down at the feet of the ultimate victor.
Kid Number One glared at the prone body of the latest fool to challenge him, and then learned down a bit to make sure he could hear him. "Listen muthfucker," he said quietly, his voice filled with deadly menace, "I gave you one for free since this is your first day and I'm president of the school Welcoming Committee. But I don't want to ever have to waste another second on your useless corpse, is that clear?"
"*Gasp*," The Bully choked.
"Good. We understand each other then." Erik glanced at his minions who were faithfully waiting in crowd of students. "Get this trash off the playground," he ordered. "The dumpster behind of cafeteria is still full of other garbage." Several kids hurried to do his bidding, quickly and efficiently disposing of The Bully's still frozen body. It would be nearly half an hour before he would manage to crawl his way out of the dumpster.
"Really, Erik," Charles scolded, a frown on his small face. "Did you learn nothing from those empathy classes you had to attend on Saturdays?"
"Nope, not a thing." Erik brushed his hands off on his slacks and then straightened the tie of his school uniform.
Charles continued to shake his head. "And you owe the Cuss Jar another dollar," he pointed out. He sternly disapproved of Erik's tendency to use foul language and had taken to fining his best friend a dollar per word. The money went to their weekend movie and pizza fund.
"Two dollars, actually. You didn't hear me during the morning assembly."
Charles sighed, tugging at his vest as he and Erik headed off the playground and back to Charles' safety patrol area. "What am I going to do with you, my friend?"
Erik grinned and slung his arm around the younger boy's shoulders. "No idea," he said happily. "No idea at all."
Charles had his picture in the yearbook as the Safety Patrol Guard of the Year (in addition to winning all the academic awards). Erik was voted Most Likely to Succeed (and in a secret, student-only survey, also chosen Most Likely to Take A Life).
The Bully went on to become the star tenor of the Glee Club.