So this is a one-shot that I desperately wanted to get out. It's not lovey dovey and amazing, so sorry. but its Something i felt would work with the whole Nessie/Jacob/Leah triangle i love. I don't use any names in here, so just so you know, Its in Leah's POV.
I couldn't feel it anymore. It. Anything. I was beyond thinking about my physical state at this point.
If It wasn't for the torrential downpour blurring my vision I wouldn't have noticed how soaked I had suddenly become.I could feel the thin fabric of my tank top clinging to my now frigid skin. It clung in such a way that it became a part of me.
I felt naked. Yet my vulnerability wasn't nearly as strong enough to reign over me as the other suddenly seething emotion that coursed through the moment I walked out the door, rage engulfed me along with the searing agony that was rising to the surface from within me. My heart was thundering in my chest forbidding me to ignore its presence.
The pulsing got louder and louder, making the rain sound muffled in the background. The idled car in the middle of the street held my focus for I knew I couldn't look directly at the tall figure standing on my lawn a few feet away. Nothing made sense anymore. Why would he continue to torment me? I was dying already by simply being here picking up the pieces he left in his wake. How was I to handle him physically being here in front of me after all that happened? I was finally able to let my eyes fall on him.
I couldn't see him clearly with the rain, and yet I was terribly glad for it. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together if I was able to see the perfect outline of his face that I so inevitably burned into my memory.
"Why are you being like this? It doesn't have to end this way." He said breaking the silence.
Could he truly not see how what he did broke me? Yes, we had a complicated situation but no one was stupid enough to believe it didn't count for anything. I wasn't going to share. Yes, countless times I mulled it over in my head what would happen if he found someone, but I always said to myself that I would deal with it then.
Now that the time had come I was stuck. I knew what I wanted and this was not it. I wanted him for me. To be mine and to want to be. This revelation had been simmering for quite some time now and it hurt knowing I barely gathered the courage to see it now. Now that it was too late.
"Yes it does." I said so low I was surprised he had heard me.
I stared straight at him now. Every emotion in me was fighting for dominance within me. I wanted to scream in his face telling him to leave and never come back. While my heart longed to just be right there in front of him, reveling in the closeness like I use to. I wanted to fall to the ground and simply give up, waving a white flag. But I had already fallen. I was down so far now that crying wouldn't comfort me. Letting it all out wouldn't bring me relief this time.
So I held my own and stared him down. Waiting to see what would happen next. He seemed to be conflicted as well for I saw him rock back on his heels and fidget with his hand running through his hair. The feeling of his stare on my face was the most intense I've felt by far.
Actually, if I was being honest with myself that wasn't the first time I felt him looking at me so strongly. So passionately… I shook my head. I couldn't let those memories cloud my mind. I knew that remembering all those perfect moments wouldn't help me now.
"I really tried. That's why I can't just leave you without trying to make this better." His tone was so pained, it made me ache. "We can work this out, we can fix this," he said breathlessly. "I'm sorry. Please don't cry."
I wanted to believe him. His words were begging me to. But I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't fall for this. It was finally time for me to face what I was hoping would never come. I was shaking from the rain and the cold but that didn't matter. My eyes were red and puffy but that didn't matter either.
It was my heart that mattered for it was slowly, but painfully, breaking apart into useless pieces that faded into nothing and everything in me. I couldn't take anymore of his pleading. I needed to make this right. For the both of us.
"We knew this wasn't going to last. And you made sure of that when you chose her." My voice wasn't what I wished it to be. Instead of firm and steady, it was weak and whispered. But I was determined to get this out. To make him leave. So I said what needed to be said.
"You let me go. Now-"
But I didn't finish for he had taken 3 long strides to me, closing the distance between us. His hands went straight to my face, gripping me to him like he would never let me go. I made the mistake of looking into his eyes just then. They were filled with the anguish that was currently raging on inside me. He leaned his forehead against mine and looked deep into my eyes searching for my surrender. I sighed deeply and tried breathing in his scent for the last time.
I averted my eyes away from his and focused on the water running down his face. When I looked up again, his face showed that he was conflicted about something. I would miss that thoughtful face. "I don't want this to end. There has to be a way we can-"
His words were cut off when I ripped myself away from his grasp. My eyes were still trained on his as I walked backwards, away from him. I had a moment of weakness by letting him hold me, but it was over now. I took two more steps back, putting more distance between us now. My foot had hit the steps up to my front door. I took the steps up until my back was up against the door. This needed to be over with now.
I kept my face hard and started breathing deeper. I opened the screen door, and held my hand on the doorknob.
His face fell when his eyes darted away from mine and onto my hand that held the doorknob. He knew what was coming.
So I gave it to him. I looked him dead in the eye and felt myself slowly begin to slip away. It was then that I said the words I had hoped I'd never have to say.
"Go home. Go back to her. It's where you belong."
Please review and let me know what you think. This is really important to me and it would mean a lot if i got some feedback.
so....REVIEW...please :)