Sonic was getting really bored with his way in life. He was sick of chasing emeralds because they get scattered somehow.
All his relationships ended in infidelity. And his friends were stabbing him in the back constantly.
Sonic: Tails I'm really starting to get sick of this Sidekick bullshit.
Tails: But I don't have any real friends except knuckles.
Knuckles Ok.
Sonic: Why don't you fuck Cream or something.
Tails: I don't got a shot since the "incident".
Flashback
There was a pool party where everyone got blitzed. Knuckles w/ Rouge in the back. Vector brought even MORE cocaine.
Tails saw Tikal Fucking someone imagining himself in that position and started masturbating. But he got too close to her.
He squirted all over her. She started screaming everyone showed up. Cream started crying. And Big knocked Tails out with a 2x4.
Sonic: That was one of the worst times I caught you mastubating.
Tails: Well you fucked Amy and Sally. I got nothing.
Knucles: I used to fuck her until uh I think last week.
Sonic: You guys are gross. I'm gonna take my daily dosage of speed.
Tails: We know you're gonna run away in super-speed.
Sonic: Sure.
He was about to get "speed" at his house but Amy came over. He locked himself in the bathroom.
Amy: Last night was wonderful.
Sonic: Uh-huh.
Amy: I think we should go out again.
Sonic: Whatever.
Amy: I saw this really gre-
Before Amy could finish Sonic came out bloodshot eyes.
Sonic: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I'M DOING DRUGS BECAUSE OF IDIOTS LIKE YOU GIVING ME SHIT ALL DAY & NIGHT!!
Amy went home crying. Sonic decided to go to the place.
Sonic knocks on the door.
Voice: State your business.
Sonic: The Smurf needs some more grass.
The door opens and it's Shadow.
Shadow: That's the 3rd time this week.
Sonic: I'm dealing with a lot of crap.
Shadow: I'll get the brownies out of the oven.
30 minutes later
Silver: Doors open.
Shadow: What the fuck! I'm not giving you any of my drugs.
Silver: I don't want your drugs. Sonic I'm sick of all this putting-me-in-all-your-crappy adventures shit.
Sonic: Maybe if you had a good power I'd give you more work asshole!
Silver: I do.
Shadow: All you got is that psychic shit.
Then Silver shoots a freezing beam at sonic's weed.
Sonic: OK that was badass but I've never seen you do that before.
Silver: Fuck you I'm gonna go to Blaze's house.
Sonic: I think he's gay.
The next morning . . .
Sonic: I think I'll go to Knuckles house.
He runs over there.
He opens the door.
Sonic: Hey Knu-HOLY SHIT!!
Tails: He fucked tikal and rough at the same time.
Sonic: What happened? All my friends are annoting,perverted, or drug-addicts.
Tails: There's always me.
Sonic: Thats it. I thin I'm gonna change my life for good. See ya.
Tails: Getting speed?
Sonic: You know it.
If you don't like this yet wait till I make more chapters. I'm not good at beginnings