Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Can't say I haven't been warned. Really, I just walked into it this last time. I hadn't heard hide or hair from Veronica Mars in months, and all of a sudden she just wanted to grab a cup of coffee? It's never just 'a cup of coffee', never with her. Veronica Mars has her type, and it sure as hell isn't disgraced ex-lawmen. May be too much of a daddy issue.

It was a little too much like something out of a movie, she had me at hello and all that bull. Just doesn't happen in real life, but I can't help it- I'm a guy. And if some cute, little peanut of a blond bombshell starts bringing me pizza when I'm working the night desk- well, I guess I'm full of myself enough to not question it. Man, even iLamb/I tried to warn me.

"She's Keith Mars' daughter, you really don't think she's got a few tricks up her sleeve, Deputy?" Lamb's really paranoid. He was a senior when I was a freshman, and he probably doesn't remember me from back then, because the dude was a total pothead. I guess you smoke enough of that shit, it just never leaves your system.

But, for once, the good sheriff was right. That cute little blonde with her pixie face and sexy little head tilt had more than a few tricks up her sleeve. Enough to run circles around Lamb and half the Balboa County Sheriff Department, including some dumb, love-struck rookie deputy. Can't say I wasn't warned, though.

And so I put her out of my mind. Or tried to. Let me tell you, it wasn't that easy, being suspended from the department and listening to my mother harp on me all day. She couldn't believe I was suspended right before Christmas, especially after everything we bought Tina that year. And when she heard the reason- that I turned my head and a seventeen-year-old high school girl pulled a snow job on me- Ma gave me a good scoff upside the head for that one. "Just like your father," she said. It's true. What can I say? I'm Italian and I love women.

How could I not? I've been surrounded by two older sisters and of course my ma, and my baby Tina, and with so many women around you, a guy learns who the world really belongs to. What a man can get through force or strategic thinking or even money is nothing compared to what a woman can get from just a pretty little smile or a sassy tilt to the head. I learned that early on, and I guess Veronica Mars did, too. Most guys, you see, they're just dumb. It doesn't take backflips and handstands and dozens of roses to make a woman happy. All you have to do is let them know that you're paying attention.

I remember when my older sisters Angie and Danielle used to baby-sit for me when they were in junior high. They must have made me sit through Sixteen Candles seventy-five times. I can time it down to the exact beat they're going to start squealing about Jake Ryan. "What's the big deal about him?" I would grumble. It was the question of a frustrated eight-year-old who wanted to watch Star Wars.

"Ugh, just watch him, Leo," Angie answered, with all the wisdom of a high school freshman. "Ooh, I would kill for a guy to just show up like that, with the red car and make a cake and just make me feel special " All of that sentence was practically one word. But I got it. Make her feel special. That's all that girls want.

I was shy in high school. I played football and baseball, so I hung around with the jocks and the popular crowd, but I don't know, I was always just quiet with girls. I remember when I first joined the department, practically right out of high school. Things were different then, when Keith Mars ran the place. More relaxed, but somehow, it also seemed that we solved more crimes. Neptune was just a safer place to live. Even Lamb was different back then. Maybe it was just that he wasn't so high on himself. We used to hit the bar every now and then back in those days. Man, that guy was the biggest coozehound. These days, I think he's just had that stick shoved up his ass for so long that he's starting to get his jollies that way.

I really should have learned my lesson that first time. But, my ma always said that everybody deserves a second chance. So when Meg Manning called me- she was a nice girl, that Meg- and told me, "Neptune High. Eight o'clock."- God, it really was like something out of a John Hughes movie- I knew I had mine. My 'Jake Ryan' moment. Couldn't have been more perfect if JH directed it himself. Veronica, she looked so broken, so innocent crying in her car all by herself, even with her Madonna get-up. Man, let me tell you, there is nothing to make you want to hold a pretty girl and protect her more than when you see her cry. Especially her, that tough little cookie. She got out of the car, and I dried her tears, and we slow-danced, and she kissed me, all soft and sweet- and far too quick.

It was all too quick. Only lasted a month really, and half the time, she was running off after Duncan Kane, Weevil Navarro, Logan Echolls- don't get me started. What can I say, a uniform does it for some girls- other girls like high school boys with more issues than you can shake a stick at. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that the one time she finally sought me out, it was to break up with me. And then, she turns around and asks me for a favor. Only Veronica Mars could get away with that.

Then there was that night. You know about it, it was in the local papers for weeks, the night Aaron Echolls was arrested. God, I always considered her so untouchable- because she was so far out of my reach. The last thing I could deal with that night was her tears, and I was steeling my stomach against that as I climbed up the stairs to her apartment. Logan Echolls' SUV was parked in her lot. Seems she'll never learn her lesson with that one. I'd already heard the whole gut-wrenching story about what his father did to her- I knew she was okay, but I still volunteered to go over to her house. I had to see for myself. The last thing I could deal with that night was her tears.

But man, there was no sucker punch worse than seeing that pretty face all bruised up. I touched her there- and she let me in, for just a second. I felt her smooth skin slide against my palm, thumb brushing over the purple marks. I wanted to kill Aaron Echolls. Murder him right down in lock-up, I'm sure not too many people would have minded either. But I had a job to do, and first priority was getting Aaron's bloody mess of a son off Veronica's couch.

I didn't see her for a long time after that. Then of course, there was that whole mess with Keith finding out about me stealing evidence, and finding a new job- no real time to keep in touch with the girl who was my sort-of-not-really girlfriend for a month last year. So...That was the face that stayed with me. That pretty, perfect face that wouldn't cry. Talk about messing up a guy on the inside. How this girl does it, I'll never know .

So, man...When she calls me up for coffee next time, I really should know better. But I'll always come running back. Yeah, I've been warned, I know the deal by now, but hey, sometimes, it takes us a few extra times to learn the lesson. At least I got to give her my 'Jake Ryan' moment. Veronica Mars can light my world when she smiles, and break my heart when she cries. What can I say? I'm selfish. I sort of like being a hero.