Thanks go to Netflix: for always autoplaying so that cliff-hangers turned into sighs of relief, My Brain: for not being able to handle a lot of productivity when it is unwell, but pushing through anyway, and to my Beta Reader, live-in-dreamland1: for being my Favourite Fanfic Friend. x
...
Devastated Earth
Or:
How Many Days Has it Been?
In which fires are lit, emotions are frayed, and home is on the horizon.
...
One day. One day since the battle at Mt. Weather. One day since the prisoners were rescued. One day since Clarke had left. Bellamy sat, stony and silent by a fire he barely noticed was there. One day was too long. They had spent this much time – and more – apart since the 100 landed in the clearing. They had faced darker moments and more uncertainty than Bellamy could have ever predicted, but this past 24 hours seemed more unbearable than any before; they tore like fire through his chest.
He had drunk, he had eaten, he had celebrated with his people, but he had not slept. Maybe she'll come back, he thought, maybe it will be any moment. He had not let himself lose sight of the tree line all through the night and into the next day.
...
Six months to the day, Bellamy looked around at all that had changed in Camp Jaha; the dead were buried, the wounded healed, and the wreckage tidied. The people of The Ark continued to grow and build and to find their new identity as 'Grounders'. Living off the land with the guidance of Lincoln and technology of The Ark was becoming easier with each passing day. The people had gained new skills, new energy, and most importantly; new hope.
Bellamy joined the guard and was voted onto the council along with Lincoln, recognised for his knowledge of the land, and a woman named Evra who had a voice for the working class. They all were under Abby as Chancellor and Kane as her Second in Command. Order still needed to be maintained for the survivors of the Ark, but the harsh and terrifying days of floating the rule-breakers was over; the campers relaxed in their new-found freedom, and over the past six months the bickering, tears, and frightened whispering had been replaced with laughter, singing, and the occasional argument over who was more skilled in one way or another (usually solved by Octavia sneaking up on whoever was disturbing the peace and knocking their heads together).
Bellamy and Lincoln had headed up a working team in the first weeks to scour supplies from Mt. Weather; they saw few Grounders in their travels and were cautious, but after their first encounter ended with the Grounder simply nodding and walking away, they knew that though the union was lost, the peace would continue. As the team gathered food, tech, and comforts from Mt. Weather, Bellamy went through the complex from top to bottom and gathered the dead. With help from some members of the guard, they brought the bodies to the top of the mountain where Lincoln and Octavia had built a large wooden pyre; it was gruelling and gruesome work, but Bellamy felt it was only right to clean up the mess he had helped create.
He sent a message back to camp with the workers to invite anyone who wanted to come to the ritual. He knew Monty and Raven would come, probably Wick too, but mostly he hoped that Jasper would be there; once goofy and energetic, since the return from Mt. Weather Jasper kept to himself. When he wasn't eating or sleeping he would climb to the top of what remained of the ark and stare out at the mountains. He barely spoke a word to anyone.
Bellamy built a separate pyre in anticipation that Jasper would come – for Maya. Octavia gathered flowers to lay out over the body and cover the horrific effects of the radiation.
The brother, sister, and grounder gathered together around a small fire and waited until dusk when they heard the team returning. Bellamy could see Monty leading the way, Miller and Harper were beside him looking wary but determined. Raven and Wick were there too; she with a slight limp and he with a look of amused exasperation at her refusal of help. Some of the more sympathetic members of the guard were there, each giving Bellamy a silent nod as they walked up to the mountain top.
At last, walking behind the group by himself came Jasper.
'Jasper,' began Bellamy, 'I...' but he couldn't get the words out.
Jasper surveyed the scene and saw the single pyre, flashes of black hair and pastel fabric showing through the flowers. He threw a questioning look at Bellamy, who simply nodded and gestured for Jasper to move forward. After everyone gathered, Lincoln and Octavia handed out torches to be lit. Bellamy walked forward first, lit his torch in the small fire that had been burning and spoke before touching his torch to the bottom of the pyre.
'May you meet each other again.'
Lincoln was next.
'Yu gonplei ste odon.'
One by one, the gathered lit their torches and added to the fire. Octavia was standing back looking at Jasper, who had not moved. She grabbed him gently by the arm, meeting his eyes.
'Come,' she said.
Together they lit their torches and moved toward the separate pyre as the others looked on in silence. Octavia spoke first.
'Mochof, Maya. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodataim.'
She held up a single flower and placed it gently among the others, then stood back to give Jasper room. Jasper too held a flower in his free hand, and stared at the mound for a long moment before speaking.
'May we meet again,' he choked out, placing the flower. '...love you.'
Octavia stepped forward and took Jasper by the hand. Together they touched their torches to the base of the wood and watched silently as the crackle of hot flames engulfed the small body.
The mountaintop burned for hours. Raven and Wick fell asleep in each other's arms against a tree; Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln sat together quietly by the small fire, while Monty and the others talked quietly about the Mountain Men that had helped them. Jasper never left Maya's side. He sat staring into the flames, unmoving. Monty walked over and sat down beside him.
'We'd be gone too, without Maya,' he said,'I'm really sorry, Jasper.'
Jasper didn't say a word. He just hung his head and let out a sob. As Jasper's sobs grew louder, Monty put his arm around his friend, and let him cry on his shoulder until the fires burned low and morning sunlight kissed the horizon. Monty stood and helped Jasper to his feet before pulling him into a final embrace.
'Come on,' Monty said. 'Let's go home.'
Jasper took one final look at what was now mostly char and ash.
'I'm sorry I couldn't save you,' he whispered, and they turned away.
...
Eleven months, now. Almost one year. The campers had continued to become more settled in their new home; growing crops, hunting food; educating and entertaining the younger children; some of the women were even pregnant now.
Those remaining from The 100 could hardly be called kids anymore; they had all been forced to grow up long ago, and now they used their skills to serve Camp Jaha as mechanics, technicians, medics, cooks... the list went on. Jasper had become more and more himself as he became busy growing plants and herbs, making medicines and tonics (not to mention helping Monty with some moonshine on the side).
Abby and Kane slept in the same tent these days, and it made Bellamy smile – he was glad that Clarke's mother had someone to comfort her – of course it meant that Kane stepped down from the council and instead threw his energy into tending the Earth – he had discovered quite the knack for it. Bellamy had been voted the new second-in-charge, and Nathan Miller had taken Bellamy's place as a voice for the younger generation. It was a different world on the ground; kids who had once been criminals doomed to execution were now selfless leaders, paving the way for generations to come.
Today was Octavia's birthday; after work was finished and dinner cleared away a group of friends from The 100 had gathered around a fire with cake haphazardly made by Jasper and Monty's best moonshine. As they laughed and joked and sang long into the night Bellamy watched his sister with a mixture of pride and pain; he loved seeing her so free and he was proud of how strong and wise she was growing. He was glad that she had Lincoln too, though it struck Bellamy's heart that he no longer needed to protect his sister; he'd been looking out for her for so long that he didn't quite know who he was without it.
People began to leave the fireside and head to bed once the moonshine ran out; it wasn't long until Lincoln said goodnight, leaving Octavia and Bellamy alone for a few minutes.
Bellamy stared into the fire feeling full with mixed emotions, his head swirling with Monty's strong-brewed alcohol.
'Bells?' Octavia smiled as she sat down next to him, 'You got a present for me or what?'
'Sure,' Bellamy snorted, 'I'll just run down to the gift store and pick you something up. What do you want? Some fancy jewellery? A car? Maybe a puppy?'
'Very funny,' Octavia shoved her brother, 'but you know I'll hold it against you if you don't get me a present.'
Bellamy flashed an overenthusiastic smile at his sister.
'You couldn't stay mad at me, I'm much too charming.'
'You're right; I couldn't stay mad at you. But it's only because your brain is so tiny that I pity you.' Octavia reflected Bellamy's grin and leaned into her brother as he put an arm around her. She knew Bellamy was not completely happy; he was worried about Clarke. He never mentioned it, but she would catch him at times staring out into the forest with a stony expression on his face.
Bellamy was thinking about Clarke now; nothing could bring back the dead or undo the terrible things they had done, but if she was there too, Bellamy knew he could be happy; he could feel at home. He always thought of her as he went to sleep, wondering if she was okay, if he should go and look for her, if she would ever come back. He turned from the fire and planted a kiss on the top of his sister's head.
'Happy birthday, little sister. I'm really proud of you.'
'Thanks, Bells.'
'Now go to bed, that's an order!' Bellamy pretended to be authoritative.
Octavia rolled her eyes but stood up anyway.
'Alright, alright, I'm going. Don't you stay up too late, okay? 'Night.'
'Night.'
Bellamy was warm by the fire; he sat up against a log and stared into the red-hot coals at the base of the flames until he could keep his eyes open no longer.
The forest had an eerie blue glow, even though there was no moon that night. He began to panic as he ran through the trees, unable to find his way home. He ran until something stopped him in his tracks. It was her, on the ground, unmoving. Her golden hair splayed out in all directions; he ran over to her and rolled her body into his arms, telling her to wake up. Her body was stone cold. He tried to warm her and keep her close, but it didn't work, it just spread the cold all throughout his own body. She opened her eyes and tried to choke out some words. They sounded like 'save me... kill me...' over and over. He told her he was trying. She started coughing as boils and blisters appeared on her skin.
'No!' he cried out. 'I won't let this happen!'
Her body began warming up and it didn't stop until she was too hot to touch and the blisters began to bleed. He let go of her in a shock of pain and stood up, but the pain didn't leave. He looked at his own arms where the blisters began to appear; every part of him felt like it was burning, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, all he could do was scream as he dropped to the ground.
Bellamy woke with a jolt and a gasp for air. He was still by the fire, now mostly coals, and the moon was no longer visible in the sky; morning would only be a few short hours away. He propped himself up and became aware of a presence standing by the coals. Abby. He cleared his throat.
'Chancellor.'
Abby sat on the log he was resting against.
'Councillor.'
'Have you been out here long?' he asked.
'Just a few minutes,' she replied, 'I hope I didn't wake you.'
'No, I'm glad you did.'
'Bad dreams?'
'You could say that.'
Abby remained quiet; she was no stranger to bad dreams herself.
'It... It was her,' Bellamy started, 'It was Clarke,' he hadn't said her name for months, 'she was cold, but I couldn't get her warm, and then she started... burning. I couldn't help her. I couldn't even help myself.'
Abby put a soothing hand on Bellamy's back.
'I dream about her too,' she whispered, 'I was too hard on her in those final days. I'd give anything to bring her back.'
Bellamy took a deep breath, trying to rid himself of the lingering anxiety from his nightmare.
'What do we do, Abby? How do we just go on? Everyone is so... Alive now. So peaceful and happy. We saved them – why couldn't we save her?'
'I don't know, Bellamy. I don't know if I'm just deluding myself but I have to believe that she's okay, that she'll come back when she's ready. Hope is what kept me alive on The Ark, and it will keep us going now.'
'I just,' Bellamy choked, trying not to let tears fall, 'wish I knew.' It didn't work – he hid his face in his hands as the flood broke through. Abby held Bellamy's shoulders as he shook.
'Me too... me too.'
Abby's own tears rolled down her face as she comforted Bellamy, letting his head rest on her knees and stroking his head in a way that only mothers know how. Eventually Bellamy slept; Abby, thinking he would be embarrassed to wake resting on his Chancellor, gently lifted his head and rested it against the log before stoking the fire to keep him warm through the dawn.
Bellamy woke to a pain in his leg and opened his eyes; Octavia was kicking him.
'Hey! Ow! Stop that!' He yelped.
'Bell–Ah–Me,' she said between kicks, 'I. Told you. Not to. Stay up. Too LATE!'
Bellamy sat up and shoved his sister aside.
'Quit it will you, you're not the boss of me!'
'Alright, just get up and have some breakfast. Lincoln's being an idiot today and I need your help,'Octavia said with a laugh.
She gave Bellamy a hand up as he brushed away the dirt from sleeping outside.
'Meet me at the control room!' She sped off before Bellamy could say anything more and left him standing there as memories from the night before flooded him. He wondered if he dreamt all of it, or just the nightmare. He didn't muse for long; Octavia had said she needed him, even if it was just because Lincoln was 'being an idiot' (Bellamy took that to mean that the task was tech-related – not Lincoln's finest area). He didn't really care what the task was, though; today he got to be Octavia's big brother. Today was going to be a good day.
...
Seventeen months. Seventeen months and 25 days. Bellamy had tried to make himself stop counting – and he could almost do it from week to week, provided he kept busy – but inevitably there would come a sleepless night, and the only way he could stop his mind from racing and ruminating was to count how many days it had been since he watched Clarke walk away into the forest.
That was what seemed important now – not winning the battle at Mt. Weather, not freeing his people or the grounders – those scenes had at long last begun to fade from his memory, but the image of her wearied face and sound of her last pledge would not lose their potency, no matter how much time had passed.
Tonight was one of those nights when sleep would not come. Bellamy had spent so long staring into the dark that he could make out patterns in the fabric of the tent. When he closed his eyes he felt as if the walls were growing out into the night until they reached the ends of the earth and swallowed him whole in darkness and insignificance. He reached out across his bed as though he expected to find someone there; feeling only empty sheets he opened his eyes again to meet the canvas walls, now back to their normal size and unmoving in the still night.
Bellamy took in a breath of too-cold air and began to count;
One year.
He slowly released his lungful,
Five months.
It had been a long time since he had shared a bed with anyone,
Three weeks.
And the girls he used to have in his bed were never anything morethan a quick fix or an ego boost,
And four days.
He watched everyone else night after night; enter their tents with family or friends or lovers.
How many days was that altogether?
Octavia had Lincoln, Abby had Kane, Raven and Wick was always scoffing loudly at each other – but they would still walk hand in hand to their tent when the day was done. Even Jasper and Monty shared a tent. Bellamy had plenty of friends; plenty of admirers he was sure would jump at a chance to join him for the night, but he didn't want that.
543 days.
He wanted her.
...
Octavia was usually one of the first awake in the camp; since her feet first hit the earth she had never tired of the fresh air, the soft ground and the colour green. Her favourite sight, though, was the sun rising over the mountains. She crept out of her tent into the fresh chill of the morning and blew a puff of air, watching it swirl like smoke and disappear before setting on her way to the remains of The Ark.
She spied a curly head of hair as she pulled her legs up and over the top of the structure; Jasper was often up here in the mornings too, but that didn't bother Octavia; the two were good friends, and it was comforting to enjoy a sunrise with someone who appreciated it as much as she did.
'Hey,' she offered in greeting, sitting next to Jasper; he replied with only a smile.
The sun had already lightened the eastern sky to a pale blue, throwing into relief bunches of scattered clouds that hung low across the mountaintops. Octavia sighed as blue slowly turned to orange and the clouds showed balmy tinges of pink.
'I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching the sunrise.'
'Mmm, me neither,' said Jasper, 'or breathing fresh air.'
'This really feels like Home to me,' Octavia surveyed the sky, from warm orange in the east to dark blue in the west, 'at least it does here more than anywhere else. What about you, Jasper?'
'Yeah, I mean, I think so...' He trailed off.
'You think so?' Octavia asked.
'I think – well I thought, when we first got to the ground that we were home, but that didn't really work out, did it? Then I thought Mt. Weather was home... I thought I could stay there for the rest of my life, and I was so angry at Clarke when she kept insisting that something was wrong. I mean, she was right, but I forgot what fresh air was like when I was there. Being here now and feeling the sun on my face,' Jasper took a breath in and let out a sigh, 'is magnificent. I wish we could have brought the people with us, but I'm glad I'm not still stuck under that mountain.'
Octavia smiled at her friend.
'I know it's been a long time since everything,' she said, 'and we've all lost people, but you're still the bravest guy I know, Jasper. I'm really glad you're not stuck under that mountain too.'
The sun was well above the horizon now; it always seemed to happen so suddenly, after you had spent what felt like an age waiting it for it to arrive.
'Come on,' Octavia stood and held a hand out to Jasper, 'let's go find breakfast before everyone else wakes up.'
Jasper stood and turned to follow Octavia, stretching his arms into the sky with a yawn. He moved to follow her down from the ark when –
'Octavia? Octavia look! Is that...?'
Octavia stopped mid-climb and looked toward the gate of Camp Jaha where Jasper was pointing. Her eyes widened.
'Surely not...'
Slumped outside the gate with her back towards the camp was a small black-clad figure whose wavy blonde hair looked a mess even from this distance; she wasn't moving. Jasper and Octavia shared a momentary look of surprise and confusion before scrambling to the ground and racing toward the gate.
'It is!'
'Oh my God!'
'Jasper, open the gate!'
As soon as the gate was open a few feet the two raced toward the figure.
It was Clarke; her hair was longer and more wild, her skin darkened and hardened from exposure, her eyes were closed and her body still, but it was unmistakably Clarke: their lost leader. Octavia checked for a pulse.
'She's alive!'
'Is she okay?' Jasper asked, the panic in his voice not masked, 'Clarke! Clarke, wake up!'
A groan escaped Clarke's lips as she tried to swat her helpers away.
'No,' she mumbled, 'Sleep. Let me sleep. The nuts want me to sleep. Sleep is good.'
'What's wrong with her?' Jasper asked.
'She might be dehydrated,' Octavia replied, checking the pockets of Clarke's jacket, 'That or she's been eating these.' She pulled out a handful of jobi nuts to show Jasper.
'Damn,' Jasper said, 'She's high as a kite; we can't let everyone see her like this, she's gotta sleep it off.'
'Where can we take her?'
Jasper took a split second to think it over.
'My tent,' he suggested, 'It's the best option. In this state, who even knows if she meant to come back? Monty's there but he can keep a secret. Plus, it's his day off; he'll be able to watch her.' Octavia nodded.
'Okay,' she said, 'it's all we've got. But we have to hurry – everyone will be up for breakfast at any minute. Help me carry her.'
...
Monty roused as Jasper and Octavia brought Clarke into the tent, laying her on Jasper's empty bed.
'Whatup?' he asked groggily, trying to find his tongue, 'Why all the Octavia and the noise?'
'Monty,' said Jasper, 'we've got something really important for you to do – Octavia is going out with the hunting party today and I'm booked-up making medicines.'
'Aw man,' Monty moaned, sitting up, 'It's my day off. What's the job?'
Octavia stood aside from the bed, revealing a sleeping Clarke to Monty.
'Watch her,' she told him, 'Make sure she's okay. You don't even have to leave the tent; Jasper and I will bring you food before we leave and we'll be back in the evening.'
Monty stared at Clarke for a full ten seconds before looking back at the other two.
'Alright,' he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes 'you got it.' Jasper and Octavia shared a look of relief before heading out the tent door for breakfast. Octavia poked her head back inside a split second later.
'Oh, Monty?' she said.
'Yeah?'
'Not a word,' Octavia narrowed her eyes, 'to anyone. Not her mom, not Bellamy, no one, okay? We're the only three that know.' Monty gave her a reassuring nod, and she was gone.
...
'Monty? Monty!' Bellamy was stalking through the metal halls of The Ark on a mission.
'Hey, Sasquatch! What's all the noise for?' Raven poked her head through from one of the rooms.
'Nice to see you too, Raven,' Bellamy said dryly, 'have you seen Monty? The council need his expertise for a moment.'
'You know, Monty's not the only one around here with tech-knowledge.' Raven said, shooting Bellamy a look.
'Well feel free to help us out by all means, but computers and machines are two very different things.'
'Computers are machines, dumbass,' Raven said, her voice playful as she rolled her eyes, 'I'll be right there. I think Monty's got the day off anyway; he's probably still asleep.'
Raven pulled her head back inside the door and Bellamy heard the clank and clutter of tools falling everywhere. He laughed to himself, better find Monty anyway, just in case, he thought, and headed towards the exit.
Monty was busy fiddling with various spare parts collected from Mount Weather and the Ark wreckage sites trying to build something he described as 'electronic chess.' Clarke had tossed and turned until late afternoon since she arrived but hadn't woken again. Lost in his own world, Monty was tapping his feet to the beat of a song playing in his head, immersed in his project when Bellamy's head poked through the door.
'Monty?' he said, 'we need you at the Ark.' Monty froze; his mind went blank and he just stared at Bellamy without saying a word. Bellamy frowned.
'Monty – what's wrong with you?' A rustle from the other side of the tent urged Bellamy to turn toward the noise. As comprehension reigned he forgot to breathe; a thousand words tried to escape out of his mouth at once, but none made it through except a muffled squeak from deep in Bellamy's chest as he whipped his head back to Monty, his face filled with unanswered questions. Monty shrugged, and Bellamy turned back to the sleeping figure, dropping to his knees as he approached the bedside.
'How?' he asked, 'When? Is – is she okay? What happened? Why didn't-'
'I don't know, dude,' Monty said, 'Jasper and Octavia found her this morning high on jobi nuts; she's been asleep ever since.'
Bellamy exhaled, and sat staring at Clarke's closed eyes, studying the changes in her face.
'Why didn't they tell me?' he asked.
'I don't know that either. Octavia told me not to say a word. I've just been in here all day making sure she's alright.'
'And she's fine?'
'As far as I can tell.'
Bellamy had not even turned around to speak to Monty, who was now feeling like an expendable presence in the tent.
'I'm not gonna be in trouble or anything for this, am I?' he asked.
'What? No, not at all,' Bellamy's distraction was obvious, 'just leave it with me.'
'Okay.' Monty breathed a sigh of relief; Octavia could be merciless, but he had technically kept his promise; she would forgive him later.'You said I was needed at the Ark?' he asked.
'Yeah,' replied Bellamy, 'council meeting, now, in the control room.'
'Okay, I'll get going.' Monty stood up, but hesitated before leaving. 'Bellamy?' he asked in a cautious voice, 'Are you good?'
'Yeah, man,' Bellamy replied, not taking his eyes away from Clarke, 'I'm good.' Monty could hear the grin in his friend's voice and allowed himself a quiet chuckle as he ducked out of the tent.
...
It felt like hours to Bellamy before Clarke woke. In that time, he sat by the bed and sifted through all the things he had thought he might say when he saw Clarke again; none of which now seemed adequate when, finally, she began to stir. Shaking her shoulder lightly, Bellamy could only manage to whisper her name.
'Clarke. Clarke wake up.'
The reply was a muffled groan as Clark, eyes still closed, struggled to gain awareness.
'Clarke,' Bellamy tried again, with another shake of the shoulder.
'Mmm?' she responded, scrunching her eyes ever-tighter in the direction of the voice she could hear.
'Clarke, it's me, it's Bellamy.' As he said it, Bellamy took hold of Clarke's exposed hand, willing her to wake up. Clarke didn't respond; she held a breath for the few seconds it took realisation to sink in, and when it did, tears began to spring forth from her eyes. She gathered up Bellamy's hand in her own and buried her face in the tangle of fingers, trying too-little too-late to hide the tears that were quickly soaking both their hands.
They stayed like that for some time, not speaking until Clark's flood of tears slowed and she pulled their Bellamy's hands down from her face and into the crook of her neck. She kept her eyes closed.
'Bellamy. Bellamy, I'm so sorry,' she said.
His chest exploded with what felt like equal amounts of joy and pain; he had waited so long to hear her voice, to hear her say his name, but that the first thing she had said was sorry made him his insides ache.
'You're forgiven Clarke,' he said, squeezing her hand, 'You're always forgiven. You don't apologise, okay? You don't need to do that for me.'
'Then what do I need to do for you?'
'You just need to be here,' he replied, 'and you are.'
Clarke didn't say anything more after that; still clinging to Bellamy's hands, she fell back into a deep sleep as though she hadn't slept for days
Bellamy didn't realise how quickly sleep had come to him as well until he woke to evening chill, the fragrance of hot food, and Monty shaking him awake.
'Bellamy? It's dinnertime.'
'I'm–' a yawn escaped Bellamy's lips, 'not going anywhere. I'll eat later.'
'She'll be fine; Abby will be here soon,' Monty said, 'I didn't tell her about Clarke – she was called away from the council meeting to help with a birth – but I sent a message for her to come when she's done.'
Bellamy didn't say anything.
'Do you want me to just bring you back some food?' Monty asked
'Thanks,' replied Bellamy with a nod.
Clarke was still sleeping when Abby entered the tent.
'Monty?' she called, 'Are you in here?'
'Abby, over here,' responded a voice that was distinctly not Monty's. As Abby's eyes adjusted to the dark in the tent, she saw Bellamy huddled on the ground next Jasper's bed, in which lay a figure who was distinctly not Jasper; why was everyone not where they were meant to be? It had been a long day after an almost sleepless night; Abby had played Chancellor, Doctor, and Midwife, and could not think of anything so important that it couldn't wait til morning.
'Who is it?' Abby asked, approaching the bedside, 'Is someone hurt?'
'No, she's fine. She's okay.'
There was an urgency in Bellamy's voice that sounded important, though Abby couldn't figure out what it was until she focused her eyes on the sleeping girl breathed in so fiercely it made her light-headed.
Immediately the woman was crying at the bedside, taking her daughter's face in her hands and calling her name over and over, trying to wake her.
'Clarke, Clarke! Oh, my baby girl.'
'Mom?' Clarke's eyes cracked open and Abby let out a joyful sob as she pulled the girl into her chest, forcing Bellamy's hands to finally disentangle.
As the women held each other, Bellamy snuck quietly outside the tent to give them some privacy and to work the feeling back into his fingertips. He found Octavia waiting with a smile and a plate of food.
'Eat,' she ordered. Bellamy took the plate gratefully and the two sat by a lantern just far enough from the tent that they could hear muffled tears and voices from inside.
Octavia watched her brother eat with happy fascination; he had obviously been hungry, but Monty had said that Bellamy would not leave Clarke to come to dinner. He had matured so much since they landed on the ground. Growing up Octavia always knew that her brother would do anything for her, even during his most selfish moments, and she adored that about him. But what brought her the most pride, knowing how deeply Bellamy could feel and love, was watching her brother care for other people.
'You still love her,' Octavia observed in a soft voice. Bellamy stopped to look up at his sister, his mouth filled with food and his eyes with shock. Octavia laughed. 'Relax, Bells, I won't tell anyone. I really hope it works out though. I like seeing you happy.'
It was true – Bellamy felt that happiest he had been for a long time – but a question of doubt had lodged itself in the back of his head as he'd been eating;
'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked.'Why did you hide her?'
Had Clarke said she didn't want to see him? Was his happiness about to be crushed?
'She'd been eating jobi nuts, Bell. She could hardly string a sentence together, we thought we should let her sleep it off.'
'So, now she's sober, she might not even want to be here?'
'I didn't say that, and neither did she. I really hope that's not the case though.'
Bellamy looked at his sister; she was genuine in her words. There had been a lot of anger during the war, but time had given Octavia the ability to forgive.
The voices in the tent had quieted and Octavia, seeing Bellamy's gaze drifting toward the entrance, urged him on.
'Take the light and give me the plate,' she said, 'I'll talk to you tomorrow.'
...
Abby was drying her eyes as Bellamy re-entered the tent holding a lantern. She looked up at him and smiled.
'I delivered the first baby on the ground today,' she said, 'and then I found my own baby girl safe. I-' Abby let out a yawn and Bellamy pulled her to her feet.
'Come on,' he said, 'aren't you performing surgery tomorrow? You need sleep.'
'I'm so happy,' Abby said as she wrapped her arms enthusiastically around Bellamy, tears springing again from her tired eyes. 'I'll sleep better than ever.' She turned once more to Clark, who lay watching the exchange, and placed a kiss on her forehead. 'I love you, Clarke. I'll see you tomorrow, as soon as I'm done.'
'I love you too, mom,' Clarke replied, smiling softly. 'See you tomorrow.'
Abby exited the tent, and Bellamy stood back with trepidation.
'So,' he began, 'you'll still be here tomorrow then?' Clark ignored the question.
'Since when are you guys on hugging terms?' she asked.
'Well, we do work together,' Bellamy replied, 'and we have one pretty big thing in common.'
'Oh?' Clarke raised her eyebrows, 'What's that?'
'Losing you.'
In the silence of the unspoken words between them, Bellamy could hear the thundering of his heartbeat as Clarke looked up at him.
'I want to come home Bellamy.'
The distance suddenly became too much for Bellamy. He dropped the lantern without a second thought, shattering the tent into darkness as he fell at the side of the bed.
'You are home, Clarke,' he said, finding her hands again, 'you're home, and you're safe.'
'I'm scared,' Clarke breathed, 'of the demons. What if I can't bear it?'
'I'll bear it with you, Clarke. Please let me; we can bear it together, we can fight our demons together, we can start over. Just say you'll stay.'
Clarke's pleading eyes found Bellamy's as they adjusted to the dark, and she clutched his hands tighter.
'I'll stay if you stay.' She whispered.
Bellamy brushed the hair from Clark's face, resting his hand on her cheek.
'I'm not going anywhere,' he said, leaning closer to her until their noses were almost touching. He hesitated for a moment, studied her face and her now-shut eyes before closing the distance between them in a kiss sweeter than anything he had ever tasted. Bellamy ran his fingers through Clarke's hair, their lips still locked as she found the back of his neck, pulling him closer.
They drew apart after a few moments and found each other's eyes again. Not saying anything, Clarke moved to one side of the bed to make room for Bellamy. He climbed in and they intertwined their hands and legs as much for warmth as longing.
'I thought we might never meet again,' said Bellamy softly.
'I thought you might not want to,' Clarke countered.
'I've wanted to, every day for 543 days.'
'That long?' asked Clarke, reaching for Bellamy's cheek and stroking her fingers through his hair.
'And longer,' he replied, 'Back when I found out Jaha didn't die from my gunshot – when you told me I wasn't a murderer. That's when things started to change; right back at the beginning, when I realised that I wanted to be someone better. It wasn't until I watched you closing the door to the drop-ship though that I realised why I wanted to be someone better.'
'Why was that?' asked Clarke, though the answer was clear.
'I'm alive when you're around, Clarke.'
Clark buried her head into Bellamy's chest, breathing in his once-familiar smell, and he drew his arms around her tightly, as if he was afraid she might fall, and kissed the top of her head. They lay tangled in silence, just breathing each other in, blissfully unaware of anything outside their cocoon. For the first time in a long time, Clarke felt like a 'good guy'; and for the first time in a long time, Bellamy drifted to sleep warm.
...
Bellamy stopped counting the moment Clarke came back. He didn't know how long it had been now, but he didn't care; she was home, safe, and happy. His tent became their tent, and if the nights weren't enough, they stole whatever moments they could from the day together. Abby smiled all the time and in turn, so did Kane. The reunion party seemed to last for weeks; every night scores of people would gather around the fire pits, warming their hands and chatting excitedly about prodigal children and new born babies. Clarke's friends felt like they were celebrating their victory all over again, though they didn't mention the war to her; instead they smiled and hugged and asked Clarke to tell them about her adventures. She told them of the beauty she had seen, and the people she had met during her time away; and sometimes, when it was just the two of them, she would tell Bellamy about the ugliness and the pain she had seen, about the evils she had met, and he would let her cry in his arms, reassuring her that she was home, safe, forgiven and loved.
'There's so much out there, Bells; people, tribes, towns. So much more than just grounders and Mountain Men. The lands beyond here can be devastating, but some are more beautiful than anything I've ever seen. I wish I could show you.' She had said once.
'I will go anywhere in this whole devastating earth, as long as I'm with you.' Bellamy had replied.
And after years of drawing pictures and telling stories of the places she had been, Bellamy and Clarke – lovers, fighters, leaders – packed as many supplies as they could carry, kissed friends and family goodbye, and set off to see the wonders the world had to show them.
They returned of course to Camp Jaha at times, to see friends and family, to share stories and maps and love before they set off again, but it didn't matter how many years passed, and it didn't matter where they travelled; for as long as Clarke and Bellamy had each other, they were always at home.
...
[Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment so that I know you were here :) My suggestion now is to listen to the RAIGN version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door, and also Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy]