Crawling in the Dark

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Author's Notes: Ok so I know this is a pretty common song in Weiß Kreuz fandom, at least I think it is. It just reminds me a lot of our dear assassin boys. And while listening to it in the shower it told a story to me.
I don't own the lyrics, I didn't write them. Hoobastank and their record label own them. I don't own the Weiß boys, Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß and Media Blasters and whoever else own them. Enjoy. ^.^

Title: Crawling in the Dark
Author: Gal
Parts: Songfic, one shot
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: AyaxKen
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst, original series spoilers.

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Always for them, it was the darkest hour before the dawn. The night was far too long to dwell in, but never long enough to complete what they strove to do. Each night had its own victories of survival but with that survival, too much suffering to go on another moment.

And one more was joining the darkness to dwell with them.

I will dedicate
And sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth
Of how my story's ending

The night air atop the roof was quiet and dark, a cloud cast overhead hiding the light of the moon from illuminating the sky. Two figures stood on the roof, one set of eyes looking to the sky for any glimpse of the pale satellite, the other watching the one looking to the clouds for some light to penetrate the night.

One knew it would never come, that it was perpetual night. The other longed for the light to return... but knew it was closed to him and would not show itself here and at this time. If ever.

A soft breath sounded on the rooftop, drowning in the wind blowing across the rooftops, as twilight eyes shut. "What do you want?" he asked simply as he heard a soft scuffle of feet on the gravel covering the rooftop behind him, not even looking behind him.

Looking down at the ground, the younger assassin shoved his hands in his pocket. Figures. He could go sneaking around all night and never make a sound, embed his claws and his fist in someone's throat and they still didn't know anyone was near them. But he tries to get near the cold demeanor man and he scuffles like a nervous teenager. He couldn't help it though... ever since this man joined Weiß, he'd been trying to get to know him. He knew the other two in the team rather well, spending time hearing about the playboy's dates endlessly and helping their youngest with his homework.

But this man... was an utter mystery. Hair of fire, eyes of ice, skill with a sword like that of an ancient samurai. But beyond that nothing was known. He knew there had to be something more... the man simply wasn't sharing anything more than what was outwardly shown. And even though he spent no time with his teammates besides when on mission, when they were on mission... he knew their every move before it happened, it was as if he knew their very thoughts. Able to direct them, lead them, save them, help them. As if he were their best friend, as if he cared of their safety. But after a mission, never did he spend any time with them or bind their wounds. He simply collected his paycheck and returned to his room, or went off in his white Porsche to wherever he went so often, and always alone.

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk. About anything really, I know I never really want to be alone right after a mission," he said in answer, glancing through his dark brown lashes at the swordsman on the other side of the roof.  "How can you stand out here right now? When out -there-, when it's dark... I'm fine. We use it to our advantage. But right now..." he said almost shyly, bringing his head up to look directly at the man's back, "I don't like the dark."

Logical as ever, Aya simply turned his head a few degrees to look over his shoulder at his teammate. "I don't mind it... the sun has to rise eventually." Turning on his heel with the gravel crunching under his heel, he walked across the roof back to the doorway.

"Is that why you do this?" Ken asked, following after him as he walked past him. "Because you don't mind the dark? Because you just can? I sure as hell know this wasn't my life's ambition... we all have our reasons for dwelling in this curse of an existence."

Stopping, Aya lifted his hand up to push away a strand of crimson silk blowing in front of his face. "I do it for the only one who matters... To know what will happen when this all is turned about and ended." Glancing at the younger man for a long silent moment, he continued to the door and put his hand on the knob before he turned back to look at the brunette. "Why do you do this, Ken? I hardly see this as your goal in life and what you dreamed you'd be."

Smiling bitterly, Ken looked up to the sky, searching the clouds in vain for any part in the cloud cover to see the stars above. "Nah... I was what I dreamed I'd be, for a time. Got to do what I loved and be a hero to some, and got paid for it. And paid well... I didn't really care about the money though. Half of what I earned I donated to a children's hospital in a bad part of Tokyo. But then someone framed me. Killed me in the public eye so I could never again enjoy what I loved, and then tried to kill me again in the flesh form, after humiliating me." Looking down at the ground, Ken clenched his hand into his fist. "Then all I had was Kritiker to give me back some form of life, by spilling the blood of others... It's a damn cursed trade. And ironic. I got framed for illegal gambling and now every day I live is a gamble, me or them. Someone put me in this hell... and they didn't even just hurt me. That I could maybe take. That hospital? After I was kicked out of J-League, I couldn't give them any more donations. They couldn't get funding, so they had to close down... Kids needed that hospital and some bastard took that too. That's why I do this... So one day I can take everything good in that bastard's life too." A dark smile formed on his lips but he shook his head, dispelling the morbid look of victory at his revenge, an odd juxtaposition on his usual sweet endearing features. "The same as you. To see what happens when all this, what someone else sent me to, is over."

"Mm." Nodding faintly, Aya looked over his shoulder at the man before opening the door to leave the rooftop. "So we are the same then, you would say?" The door shut behind him before Ken could answer, leaving the brunette once more in the darkness of the night.

And I wish I could know if the directions that I take
And all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing
Show me what it's for
Make me understand it

For those who exist in the night and live in the darkness, there are more moonless nights than brightness in the dark. The mission had long ended but still one of the Weiß assassins had yet to return home and deliver the report, under the circumstances, the manager of Weiß choosing to do one in his place.

Pulling his coat a bit tighter about his form and the collar up about his neck, Ken glanced at the door to the rooftop and put his hand on the doorknob, slowly opening it. Stepping out into the night air, he shivered faintly at the whips of wind nearly strong enough to blow him over the edge, glancing around to find the errant member of Weiß. The building the mission had taken place in blocks away, Aya intelligent enough to do his brooding far from where he had committed clandestine criminal activity.

"Always a rooftop with us isn't it, Aya?" Ken said with a smile as he saw the dark form on the other edge of the roof. Even with no moonlight and no starlight, he could find the man's slender tall body standing, just staring out at the city with the wind whipping at his hair mercilessly. He was used to doing such a thing, Weiß always using the cover of night. Seeing how close to the edge of the building Aya was standing Ken bit his lip slightly but then shook his head. That man would never be pushed by mere wind... currently he stood like a solid immovable block of marble in so many ways. "Met on a rooftop, I always pester you on Koneko's roof, then that mission tonight, now here."

"Go away, Ken. I want to be alone."

"Tsk, too damn bad," the man muttered as he crossed the roof and sat down near the man's feet, not liking standing with a thirty story plummet just a foot away with just a tiny railing between him and it. How Aya could do it, he didn't know. How Aya did a lot of things he didn't know...

Tossing his head to try to get his bangs out of his sea green eyes, Ken looked up at the man. "Do you have any idea how difficult to find you were?"

Aya just lifted a single shoulder in a shrug, gracing him with a single glance, a dark distance to his eyes as always. "Most would take that as a hint to not look for me."

Ken replied with a shrug and crossed his arms over his legs, looking away from the man to the city below. "I'm not most people. Hey... could we go somewhere else to talk?"

"You are the one who came and disturbed me. I am staying here." Hearing a slight variation in Ken's voice he was certain he'd heard before, Aya glanced down at the man sitting on the roof, using the redhead's own body as a block for the wind. "You dislike the dark, you dislike heights..."

Reaching back to rub the back of his neck, Ken smiled sheepishly. "It's not like I'm scared of the dark or heights. I just... don't like them. I guess behind the claws and all, I'm just a regular guy."

"You don't seem to mind them when on mission."

Staring down at his sneaker, Ken reached down to tug at his laces, his voice quiet. "It's... different then. All of that's a risk. What's one more. I guess in a way... I just don't care." Shrugging softly to change the subject, Ken looked up at him. "What about you?"

"I don't much mind either."

"Well I saw you squish that beetle in the shoppe a few days ago," Ken mused, kicking at a few pieces of gravel to watch them fall over the edge of the roof, and then promptly looked away. "So you're not afraid of bugs..."

"You came here, " Aya asked, and if Ken didn't know better he'd think the man sounded almost amused, "to ask me about my phobias? I really... don't have any, Ken. Or one could say I'm living my fear. Now that mystery is solved, go away."

Scoffing softly, Ken hugged tighter to his legs. "You're such a jerk sometimes. I came to ask you what the fuck happened on the mission tonight. You should know Omi has already has included that... outburst in the mission report."

"I don't care."

"Well I happen to. You've never acted like that on a mission, Aya. You, miss a target? Fucking right. Sometimes I think you'd kill any of us if we got between you and a target. You wouldn't just... what happened, you forget which was the bitch? You were the one who figured out who she was..."

Gritting his teeth, Aya closed his eyes and his jaw relaxed slightly, the man recomposing himself from the anger coursing through him from Ken's simple statement. What should have been included on the mission report was that in addition to their target, Hikage Masaya, politician Takatori Reiji had been killed. But no... that hadn't happened. He was indeed living his fear: he'd had his chance to kill the man and avenge his family and had failed. And now he'd seen his face, knew he was alive and not killed in the house explosion. And that man who'd grabbed his blade had seen his face as well. So now his chances of getting the man predicted to be the next prime minister of Japan were even lower than the impossibility they had been prior.

Curling his hand into a fist, he hit it against his leg and kept his eyes closed, fighting to control his rage from his own thoughts and memories of the semi-failed mission. Weiß's mission had been a success. His own hadn't been. "No. I knew exactly who was my target."

Closing his eyes as well, Ken rubbed a hand over his face. "I just don't get you, Aya. You say that but you went after someone else... What the hell happened? I have a right to know. I practically thought you were going to throw me off the roof when I held you back from that landing pad." Pulling his hand away, the man looked up to the other. "The helicopter had already taken off... What was wrong, not a fan of *Sikorsky?" he said with a light smile, trying to ease the tension pressing down on the roof currently.

Shaking his head, Aya stared at his heavy black boot for a long moment before sighing softly. "That man in the helicopter... I want to kill him."

Blinking faintly, Ken looked out at the skyline. When an assassin said they wanted to kill someone, it was generally very truthful and a likely thing. "Why?"

"That is not your concern."

Ken bit his lip lightly, worrying on it as he rubbed his hands over his legs to warm up a bit, the wind starting to chill his legs through his jeans. "I've seen him on TV, I think. But Aya, you know we can't just kill whomever. Just those Persia targets. We're barely working within the law as it is, we can't just seek out and destroy."

Quirking up an eyebrow, the man looked down at his companion. "What about you. You told me weeks ago you wish to find the man who put you here and kill him, do the same to him he did to you."

Ken looked away almost guiltily before he shrugged. "Kritiker told me that one day he'd be one of our targets, they'd find him for me and then I could. It's different..."

Narrowing his eyes, the redhead looked away and then started to walk towards the door to leave the rooftop. "You're right. It is."

"Wait!" Standing up quickly, Ken cursed softly and slapped his calf to get his legs to cooperate, the sitting position and the cold starting to cut off his circulation and put his limb to sleep. Reaching over to hold onto the thin rail as it was better than nothing, Ken took a few steps after the man. "I don't know why you want to kill that guy... You'll probably never tell me... but... you don't have to do it alone as you did tonight..."

Turning to fully face him, Aya cocked his head to the side. "What are you offering, Ken..."

A faint blush colored the man's cheeks but he blamed it on the cold. Meeting Aya's eyes he swallowed and shook his head faintly, his usual verbosity and ability to ramble failing him and he had no true coherent answer to that. "I don't know... Just that you don't have to do all of this alone, Aya..."

Deep amethyst met with turquoise for a near eternity, Aya simply staring into those clear honest aqua depths, shining with sincerity and a hope to get close to the redhead. He shivered faintly and blamed it on the cold before he shook his head. He could draw close to no one, for any reason. He'd already lost an entire family and had only one person left... Getting Takatori was going to be difficult enough, he could have no weak points. He was safer alone. Aya-chan would be safer if he were alone, just worked with those of Weiß as needed to get to Takatori. They would be better off as well.

"You're wrong, Ken." He turned around once more and continued on his way, leaving Ken once more on the dark cold roof.

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer
Is there something more than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer
Help me carry on
Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes
To navigate the darkness

Traitor.

Turncoat.

Conspirator.

Murderer.

Friend...

Almost all of these words mean the same, and the final was what Ken had called them all. Perched on the edge of the roof, uncaring of the distance to the ground below, the brunette stared blankly at his gloved hand, his deep sea green eyes blurred by tears and past memories flashing through his mind. All of those words applied to him, under the lie of the fifth...

Gritting his teeth, Ken squeezed his eyes shut before opening them once more and he just stared down at his hand. His bugnuk from the mission was still on his fist, the long steel blades of the weapon glimmering red with blood.

Kase's blood...

He'd finally found out who it was that had tried to kill him years ago, succeeded in a way. The same man who'd attempted to kill him three times in just two days after their reunion. The man who he'd impaled on his claws just hours ago. His friend since they were in grade school. He'd killed him, betrayed the obvious belief Kase had he would never strike back against him because of trust and loyalty. Trust and loyalty Kase had betrayed yes but then Ken had as well... He was no better than the man he'd just killed. He was a killer, a traitor...

He'd gained his revenge. But it was far from sweet. The memories flashing through his mind of them playing as children, the memory of the warmth of Kase's blood running down his arm, it all made him sick. Sick with pain that simply wouldn't stop.

"Here you are."

The chill monotone voice sounded loudly on the rooftop, the air that night completely still and dead around them. A faint sigh which sounded more like a sob desperately attempted to be held back fell from Ken's lips and he shook his head. The last person he wanted to see right now was another of Weiß, a physical reminder of the mission he'd just done instead of just the memories. "What. Why are you looking for me."

"We just didn't know where you went after the mission. I should have known you'd go to the roof of Koneko," Aya said and walked across the silent rooftop, his pale skin illuminated by the moon peeking through the clouds every so often.

"I'm not a child, you all shouldn't worry about wherever I've gone." Looking up to the moon, Ken whispered, "You all should know where I'm going, straight to hell," before he fell quiet again. Hearing only silence but knowing the redhead hadn't left, the younger man looked over and glared at Aya. "I can take care of myself."

Stopping beside the brunette, Aya looked down at his gloves and frowned softly while he reached out to take hold of the man's wrist. "As I can see so clearly. You haven't cleaned up after the mission have you? You're a mess of blood. Come on..."

"No!" Ken cried and wrenched his hand away from the other assassin and quickly got up, moving across the roof from him. Flexing the claws in and out by tightening his fist, he gazed down at his bloodied hand. "It's all I have left, this..."

"It's just blood," Aya said with a light shrug, moving across the roof towards the man again to try to bring him downstairs to clean up. "You need to wash it off."

"Blood like this, Aya, " Ken whispered and looked up at the moon again, the same moon that had blazed so brightly earlier when he sunk his fist into Kase's chest, "can never just be washed off. It'll always be there..."

Aya sighed softly and rubbed at his temple, looking over at the man. "Ken..."

"That man you said you wanted to kill, Aya," Ken asked, lost in his own thoughts and not even hearing the redhead's exasperation. "Why do you want to kill him?"

The suddenness of that question made Aya pause, parting his lips before closing them. He stood in silence for a long moment before he finally shrugged faintly and looked up to the moon as well. "Because he tried to take everything from me."

"Did you know him before then?" Ken asked, glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

"Just by name, and I'd seen him from afar. He was a business associate of sorts of my father," he answered.

Nodding softly, Ken stopped the rhythmic flexing of his bugnuk claws in and out and left them out. His other hand slipped out of the plain glove and he traced his fingers lightly over the steel, feeling the stickiness of the partly dried blood on the metal prongs. "You're luckier than I am then. He took... everything from me. But he was my friend... he was the one who got me interested in soccer, who supported me and taught me and cheered me on. Practically everything good in my life came from him... He tried to kill me so many times. But I actually -did-..." Fisting his hand more tightly, the man shook with the intensity of his inner emotions. "I always succeeded where he didn't. I think that's why he hated me... I'm starting to wish he had just succeeded when he first tried. It would have been better in the end."

"Ken," Aya asked softly, standing near the man and looking at him inquisitively, "what are you saying?"

"I mean I wish I had just died that night," he said, looking over to the redhead. "It would have been better that way. I wouldn't have had to know who set me up to die, I wouldn't have had to kill my friend... Kritiker barely saved me, I had so many burns on my body. I should have just died. They gave me another life so I could get my revenge. It wasn't worth it..."

Walking across the roof, Aya grasped his ungloved hand tightly and brought his other hand up to cup Ken's chin, forcing the man to look at him. "Stop it. You did what you had to, Ken..."

Shaking his head furiously, Ken averted his gaze from those clear imploring irises of his team leader. "For fucking -what- Aya? I thought originally whoever tried to kill me took everything. But I at least knew that I had a friend somewhere who believed I was innocent, but he was hurt because of me too. Now I know why he believed in my innocence. Because he set me up. He took everything from me, everything. Now... what do I have. My vengeance, a thousand deaths on my conscious and hands. I have nothing..."

"That's not true," the man said softly, reaching to cup the man's cheek again. His younger teammate's pain was a palpable aura around him and he wanted so badly to be able to do something about it, but knew of nothing he could do. "You told me once that I didn't have to do all of this alone. The same is true for you, Ken. You're not alone."

Narrowing his eyes, Ken turned his head to meet the man's gaze and pulled away from his touch. "Yea I said that. But you said I was wrong. I didn't believe you but... now I do. All of us Aya, you me Youji and Omi, we're all alone..." Breaking the eye contact, he stared down at his crimson dipped gloves before he moved off towards the door to leave the roof. "All of us."

Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?
Show me what it's for
Make me understand it

The city seemed to be burning. Some might wish it truly were.

Angry orange fires and billowing black smoke rolled across the roof of the building, the rest of the building already consumed by the blaze and threatening to fall in at any moment. The scream of sirens ran through the streets of the city far below, ignored by those still surrounded by the inferno.

Ken looked on at his team leader, the steady drip of blood from his bugnuks onto the roof barely audible amidst the growing cacophony echoing from Tokyo below. They had done something tonight which had sent the city into an uproar and a mild bit of chaos and confusion, and people had yet to even realize what they'd done. The newly elected prime minister of Japan lay dead just feet away, the pool of blood around his body from his lethal wound looking like liquid fire instead of drying crimson blood, the illumination from the flames glowing in the surface of the fluid.

A little bit of chaos though this night was needed to prevent what would have happened had this man stayed alive and in power. Weiß itself had personally experienced how easily and readily he abused his power, just hours after receiving it.

Staring sea green eyes down at the ground for a long moment, forgetting almost they had little time to spare before the building was fully consumed by flames, Ken sighed softly and looked up at the other one on the roof still with him. Rather, he was still with the redhead. It was because of him that Weiß had been able to escape Special Defenses. But why the katana expert had come to them when he had abandoned them in the first place was an unknown.

Probably though, Ken thought with a bitter smirk, because he knew he couldn't make it into Takatori's empire alone. He had needed the full force of Weiß so had allowed them to be graced with life just a bit longer. Still, even with that in his mind, he couldn't bring himself to leave the man alone, couldn't hate him and feel truly angered with that fact. Not with the man looking as he was.

Omi and Youji had already left the building, intelligent of the two to leave when an escape from the burning building still existed. Ken could only hope there would still be an escape when it came time for him to leave... but he wouldn't alone. "Aya... come on, we have to go. This building's on fire, we're either going to die or be seen by every single member of the police force when they show up to see what the fuck happened."

Holding his bloodied katana loosely in one hand, Aya stared down at the face of Takatori Reiji, the expression of pain and shock frozen on his dead features forever. It had been a shining moment, just for a moment, killing the man just when he'd thought he'd won. Stabbing him in the back just as the politician had delivered the same metaphoric blow to so many. Hearing his words of disbelief of dying, knowing he had interrupted some future plans of corruption of the power hungry man. Ruining possibly Reiji's brightest day which he'd striven toward for so long.

Revenge was indeed a dish served cold.

But after just a shining moment, the feeling of victory faded and just left a sense of incompletion and chill inside. This had been what he'd pushed himself toward for so long, the death of the man who'd taken his life two years ago, at his own hands. And it was achieved. But it changed nothing of the past, just of the future. Aya had never really expected to live through all of this... one reason which he'd given the key to care for his sister to Sakura, in case something did happen, Aya-chan would be taken care of. At a moment like this he wished he hadn't, just so he wouldn't be able to feel this deepening void inside where there once had been life.

Looking down at his bloodied hands he sighed faintly and then sank slowly to his knees, still staring at the body. The dull glow of the flames in his eyes and on his face almost seemed to soften his features, dispel the silent rage which had always been dwelling beneath the surface. It had been that compelling and obsessive rage which had driven him for years and now it was simply... gone. Leaving nothing but emptiness he could feel like venom.

"Why are you still here, Siberian," he asked softly, slowly turning his head to look over at the man with a dulled expression, as if he hardly recognized his long time teammate or realized he wasn't alone up on the rooftop. Whether or not he truly was, in his mind it hardly mattered.

"Wouldn't be much of a teammate if I just left you here," Ken replied with a soft voice, taking a few steps closer to the man. "Come on. You can angst and second-guess all of my actions later. There aren't going to be many ways out of this building and the longer we wait, the more that number drops."

"Did your revenge feel like this?" Aya asked in a dulled voice, reaching out to run his fingers in the pool of blood spilled from Takatori's body where his katana pierced mercilessly through his flesh. Even through his gloves he could feel it. Even though the glow of the fires made the blood appear warm, it was cold. No longer even possessing the heat from being from a living breathing body.

Flexing his gloved hand to pull his claws in and lock them in by releasing the trigger in the palm, Ken reached out and snared the older man's hand, pulling him up with a quick jerk. "Like what, Aya. Empty. Cold. Like you accomplished nothing. Yea. It did." Loosening his grip on the man's wrist, he dropped his hand altogether and glanced away. "I should have warned you."

"I wouldn't have listened," Aya replied, getting fully up to his feet and brushing away some soot from his black clothing. Staring at the body once more, he pulled his eyes from it and looked over to Ken once more. "You do know that this means the end of Weiß. Shuichi is dead... too many know our faces... This was the reason I did all of this anyway, for whatever it accomplished..."

"I guess so." Pulling his gaze from the imploring amethyst depths, Ken stared up at the moon. The bright orb hanging in the night sky was now obscured from view by the billowing clouds of smoke flowing out of the building. "So what now?"

"Now... we try to put all of this behind us and pretend to be able to live normal lives." Looking up to the sky as well, Aya turned his head and gazed off in the direction he guessed Sakura's house to be. There would be no normal life for him yet, not until his one family member was returned to the waking world. "I doubt I'll be in Tokyo for much longer. There's nothing more for me here."

"Oh." Frowning softly at that news, Ken dropped his gaze to the ground and then looked over at the older assassin through his lashes. "So that's the end of the story for Weiß. Ne, Aya... Did you ever find yourself wanting more...?"

"There is nothing more for people like us, Ken," Aya whispered and shut his eyes for a moment, opening them up once more at the sound of a helicopter sweeping over the sky, nearing the building and searchlights sweeping the ground.

"Shit!" Ken cursed, seeing it as well.

"And the police you were speaking of earlier finally arrive. It would be better for us to split up since they haven't seen us yet." Looking over to the clawed assassin, they both did a quick survey of the building roof to see what was still accessible and then moved, Ken towards the fire escape Omi and Youji had used, Aya to the edge of the roof to attempt to leap to the building nearby.

Taking a breath, Ken placed a hand on the railing and glanced over his shoulder, coming to a stop when he saw Aya had paused as well and was staring back at him. The brunette bit his lip, knowing neither had the time for this quiet hesitation but couldn't bring himself to turn his back on the redhead a final time. "Aya..."

"...be careful, Ken," he said as the other trailed off and then turned, moving off across the roof to soon disappear into the smoke and the night.

"You too, Aya." Sighing softly, Ken watched him even after he was gone from sight.

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer
Is there something more than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer
So when and how will I know?
How much further do I have to go?
How much longer until I finally know
Because I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me
In front of me
Show me what it's for
Make me understand it
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer
Is there something more than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer