Axel has something special to share with everyone in Castle Oblivion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Hips Don't Lie, Dirty Little Secret, Pocky, or Apple/iPod. If I did… well, let's just say it wouldn't be suitable for little kids.

Axel's Dirty Little Secret

It began like any other day in Castle Oblivion- Axel was dancing. Hips Don't Lie, in fact. Having eaten his morning three boxes of strawberry Pocky (better than any coffee could ever be) he had some extra energy to get rid of. Plugging his iPod into his fire engine red stereo, he found his theme song. Grabbing his hairbrush, he parked himself in front of his full-length mirror and waited for the opening notes.

"And a one, and a two, and a one two three!" he thought to himself as he began. Oh, quality alone time- nothing was better. Only this time, he wasn't as alone as he thought.

"What the fuck, dude?" snorted an amused Demyx from the doorway. "I though I was the flaming one."

Face rivaling his hair, Axel turned to the door, looking for the source of the strange gasping noised he heard. Oh, it was Roxas. "Oh shit," thought Axel, "not Roxas too!"

Tears streaming down his face, bent over with the force of his laughter, Roxas was having trouble breathing. "God, Ax. Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

Hips Don't Lie finished, while Axel's iPod shuffled to the next song. Dirty Little Secret started blaring through the room.

"Coincidence, thy timing is impeccable." thought Axel with a begrudging smile. "Well guys, I guess it's time for me to fess up."

Roxas stood up and raised an eyebrow, while Demyx merely smirked and let out a small "Oh?"

Axel took a deep breath and unzipped his cloak, revealing his flame pj pants and a red tank top.

"My boyfriend's a cross-dresser?" shrieked Roxas, who looked like he was about to pass out.

"Nice fake boobs, dude." laughed a bemused Demyx.

"No dumbass, these are real!" screamed a pissed-off Axel. "I'm a girl! My other's name really WAS Lea!"

Roxas passed out, but was revived when his phone started vibrating. He pulled it out of his pocket, and looked art the screen with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. "Kairi wants to know if this makes her gay."

Axel snorted, but looked confused. "Wait, how does she know?"

Several taps and one minute later, Roxas' phone vibrated again. "She said she got Saïx to bug your room for her."

'Whatever," said a slightly disturbed Axel. "I'm not addressing potential stalkers right now." He paused, a concerned look on his face. "Roxy, you won't leave me will you? I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just…"

Roxas interrupted him. "No Ax, it's fine. I love you because you're you, not because you're a guy. All this means is that I'm NOT gay."

Axel smiled, tear in her eyes as she hugged the smaller blond. "Well, at least your ass is safe now."

Roxas looked flustered, but retorted with a "And now Larxy's not the only girl. You two can talk about all that girl shit together!"

Larxene stuck her head in, having heard the ass comment and her name as she passed outside by the door. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, on both counts. One- have you seen the way Marly looks at Roxas? You'd better be careful. And two- Axel's not the only one with a secret." She unzipped the top half of her cloak, revealing a very bare, very flat chest. He smirked. 'Actually, Axel's the only one of us with any estrogen, excluding Xemnas who is still in the gray zone." Larxy scampered away, leaving Axel, Roxas and Demyx right where they were.

Passed out on the floor, surrounded by the blood slowly seeping from their noses.

Whoo-hoo! My first fanfic! I hope it didn't suck too badly. Sorry it's so short, but it's all I had. Hopefully, I'll get attacked by some more plot bunnies soon. But untill then, this is all you get!

Please review- I love them!

Majesticlunacy

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